Here goes again... The final assault!

Well I have just spent the best part of an hour reading this thread, thanks for that...(I joke), well what an open an honest conversation about gambling addiction and one I personally found really helpful.

Well done to all Bean, Pink lady and Fish it was great to read through your messages. In comparison to your journeys mine doesn't feel as big, however we should never compare our situations to others.

I am currently on day 16 of my second (real) attempt and hoping I can continue in the same way you guys are!

I was gutted when you fell off the wagon at 110+ days (I think) But it is so great to see you recovered and still going strong.

@g4pv3yauqm and @hit0f4l2rn thank you so much for taking the time to read my Diary and post.  It means a lot.  There have been many ups and downs along the way.  Recovery is not a linear path and it is a road that we all must tackle in our own way.

Over 80 days GF now.  No great big temptations.

The guys who ran the CBT workshop that I attended have asked me to contribute to their sessions.  They asked me before but I had just had a relapse and could not face it.  This time I agreed to meet them to discuss.

I have hit Vinted with a vengeance and have some great 'new' clothes, I am feeling much better about myself in general.

I am forcing myself to look at my debts again.  I am currently on a 2 month interest freeze and it has been easy to push the issues to the back of my mind.  I qualify for some interest free cards so have applied and may not need to do the DMP, but we will see.

I cut back a bit on the booze but still need to do more regarding this.

I am off now.  Got to pop around to see an old couple who are celebrating their 50 year anniversary then off to the gym.  Tomorrow a park run then meal out with friends.  So nice to be free of the self hate that came with gambling.  Long may it continue.

Good to hear you are still fighting this mate. Great to hear. Also good to hear you’ve finally addressed the wardrobe situation 😂. Just kidding mate. Treat yourself. It’s deserved.

If you can interest free the debts, then as long as you pay them off, that’s a perfect way to get through this. Get that debt paid off, put this to bed, and move on to enjoy life.

Keep the posts going mate, love hearing you are still going strong 💪 

@p6z38njbqm thanks Fish.  Hope your break away was good 😊 

Had a night out last night with work team.  Hd a good time.  I had intended to not drink so took the car but ended up being talked into shots.

Left the car in town and jogged back this morning to collect it.  Absolutely wet through running in the rain but it felt good. Now lying in bed again listening to the rain pummel down.

Haven't gambled.  I'm feeling good in general.  I have had a few open discussions with the other half about things that have been on my mind.  Stuff that I should have been open about before and dealt with.  She feels I need to see a professional counsellor and I have to say I agree.

The gambling harms team who gave me the CBT counciling have asked me to go on BBC radio to talk about my experience and promote their service.  I have said yes so you maybe hearing me on the radio sometime soon!

I did ask to be anonymous.  I'm not ashamed anymore about the gambling.  I just don't want my extended family and friends to worry as I am in a much better place now.

All the best to all those fighting the fine fight!

@thebean Hi bean.  Nice to hear from you again. So glad that things are going well and you are enjoying the “normal” things in life once more 👌.

Great that you will be talking on the radio about your experiences relating to gambling.

Have a great week ahead.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

@thebean That's amazing about the radio, and is testament to your hard work!

Thanks 😊 

Told my sister about the gambling issue this week and my bro tonight.

They all reacted well as I knew they would.  

Felt bad that my sister suffered for me big time even though I'm over it really.

Bro got all emotional which was uncomfortable tbh.  He kept saying 'well done' and then an awkward hug.

All a bit raw.  Still unpacking S***e.

Radio interview this week.  Not sure which day 

So I am not over 108 days GF again.  It was at this point that I fell last time.  I am really going to try to keep this going.

I have not had any urges which is good.

I did the radio interview about my gambling issue on Friday.  It was prerecorded and we did it all in one take.  I felt confident and I was very open about my story, well I say open...  I did not mention the major relapse though I did mention that I had not been 100% successful.  It will be aired one morning this week.

I have cut down massively on the drinking.  This has not been easy.  I have felt physically great, skin looks better and i'm less tired.  But I also have found it harder to get to sleep without a bottle of wine to knock me out.  I usually nod off then wake up after a few mins and then get negative thoughts creeping in and keeping me awake.  That negativity has followed me into the next day.  It was at these times that I would usually gamble. 

I am not gambling now.  But over the past few days I have not felt that positive in general.  I am 42 and I have wasted so many years on feeling terrible about myself and the way I am , who I am, the way I look and it was all the gambling.  I know this now.  It leaves me a bit hollow.

I am hoping the feeling lifts soon.  The dark time of year does not help.

Anyway.  I'm not gambling.  And I won't gamble either.  Kinda dreading hearing my radio voice but hey ho.

 @thebean you legend radio star! So happy to hear you making a difference in the world. Yes you’ve had a tough ride, yes you had a blip, but that’s all it was. Can’t believe you are on the radio inspiring others in your journey. That’s amazing. 

Im 47 and in the same boat. I gambled all my life. Spent god knows how much. Could have led such a different life. Guess what? We both didn’t. We both gambled. But guess what else? We are now both gamble free and can begin our new lives in the knowledge that we have made a difference. People read our diaries, people hear your radio interview. We may have messed up a part of our life, but now we are living it how it should be and helping others as we go. No regrets mate. What’s done is done. Take comfort in the fact that you’ve helped me. You’ve helped others, and more importantly, you are helping yourself.

Big respect mate. Stay strong 💪 

@thebean Great job on the radio interview, I am sure it will help at least 1 person out there and that is what its all about!

Try not to beat yourself up either, your making a difference now and have so many years ahead of you to enjoy life 🙂