Here We Go Again...

Hi Shorty

I spent many years trying to beat my gambling problem and was constantly lured back into the world of online gambling. The fact is that it is available 24/7/365 and therefore even though I could go weeks or months without any difficulties, I only had to be vulnerable or susceptible once and all the good work was undone. I finally decided to install blocking software on my computer. I had always convinced myself that I didn't need it, but the truth is that it has almost certainly saved my life, because it came to my rescue at times when I would definitely have gambled, lost and felt remorse.

I am now nearly 3 years free of gambling and my life is happier and more rewarding than it has ever been. If you are a strong person, you will definitely overcome your problem, but there is no weakness in accepting help along the way. K9 is free to download and you can get your husband or a friend to provide the password that denies you access.

I have enjoyed and endured all that gambling has to offer and I can now fully recommend a life without it.

Take care

Ken

Welcome to Day 4 🙂

I'm gonna start with a suggestion re the debit card...Cut it up, report it missing & when the new one comes through, scratch off the 3 digit security number on the back!

re the binge gambling...Don't kid yourself that it's any harder than the fight you had, to go from doing it daily to the out of the blue blow outs. If you managed that, you are strong & will find a way to get through this! Barriers are only half the battle & for some people finding out why they gamble is their key to recovery! Does the spin of the wheel give you a break from a whirlwind life, some peace & quiet from a haunting past, you time? If so, chances are some support wouldn't go amiss! Even if you got through your past struggles alone, doesn't mean you have to fight this yourself! I agree with the others who have said to tell hubby (gambling thrives on secrecy after all) & I get that you don't want to but there's other stuff out there! GamCare provide online counselling (if you approve of the American way), GA has meetings all over (which may be difficult with kids but just putting it out there) & there are other therapies like ACT & CBT that I have heard of but couldn't begin to tell you what they involve!

Yep, you are a strong, confident woman with a life that others would envy but even the strongest of us need a little help sometimes!

Time to get your life back - ODAAT

Thanks for the comments guys. I don't own a laptop, I have one for work but you can't access dodgy sites on it so I am safe there. I set up an under 18 block on my phone which worked for a while but it was blocking other sites that I needed, like train times etc?! I have no idea why but I had to take it off because it was blocking stuff that I actually needed. I really love the idea of scratching the 3 digit code off the back of the debit card! That would be perfect because I use my credit card for any online payments so I wouldn't even miss the debit card - apart from gambling.

So today is day 5. I am a bit emotional today to be honest. My daughter drew this beautiful picture and wrote such a lovely comment under it and I just broke down in tears. There is no way I am going to have her grow up without everything she deserves. She's at an age now where she will start remembering things and I don't want her to remember me gambling. If that isn't an incentive to stop I don't know what is. I also have some health issues which are being investigated. Back to the hospital next week for some tests. On the plus side I am stressing about this so much gambling couldn't be further from my mind.

Pay day tomorrow and a nice long weekend coming up lots to look forward to.

Hi Shorty - well done for continuing to be gamble free. I grew up aroud a parent that gambled and saw the stress it put them under financially. Although i never did without in terms of material items and affection, seeing that stress and growing up around it certainly had an impact on me - I am not blaming it on me being a CG but it was a small part of the mix that led me to where I am today. So i think what your saying is right, you need to think of your daughter and let that be your incentive to continue down this path. I have also invested in therapy to get to the bottom of why I was gambling - might be something you want to think about for the long term to stop the binges.

Enjoy your nice long weekend, keep the triangle broken and spend lots of fun times with your family - thats what life is about, not gambling!

Me too, I used to go to the fruit machine shops with my beloved Great Aunty after school (I guess there weren't minimum ages then) & then followed her straight to the Bingo where I found my mother happily throwing away money from her various jobs (full time teacher including Play Centre I think it was called, after school, part time cleaner before school, part time bar tender after & forgive me if I sound bit bitter but gambler in any of the bits in between)! I didn't want for material things but I have issues with physical contact & seem a lot sterner than anyone in my family! Coincidence, I think not! Don't be my Mum!

It's absolutely beautiful that your little girl adores you 🙂 Maybe I should have told my mum I loved her, maybe then she wouldn't still be gambling! If I were you, I would take a photo of her holding that picture & put as a screensaver on your phone...That way if you start doing something daft, you will see it & hopefully jolt back to reality!

Have you tried any of the blocking software? I didn't do my damage online so am largely clueless apart from having read that k9 is free but there are sticky threads on blockers & GamCare may be able to help with the best one for your device!

Easy for me to say but try not to get too worked up about the tests...There's nothing you can do to change what's happening to your body except by being kind to it!

Stay strong tomorrow & be ready for Mr Gamble's "Go on, just a tenner." We cannot win because we cannot stop!

Recovery is emotional, we're no longer shrouded in the fog of gambling & seeing what we have done to ourselves & our loved ones can be pretty painful! Cry when you need to but make sure you don't waste a single opportunity to smile & laugh & enjoy life - ODAAT

Awesome comments guys thanks for dropping by. More determined than ever after reading your experiences from when you were little. I didn't have anyone close to me that I can place any blame on, I did grow up in a seaside town so when I was in high school I used to go and spend hours in the arcades after school maybe that's where it all stems from. Thinking about the reasons why I do gamble, it's probably because I always wanted to have the best things in life. Little did i know that if I hadn't started betting and saved a good chunk of my money every month I wouldn't be doing pretty badly right now! My husband and I both bring in a decent wage and our outgoings (not including the debts) aren't too bad we would probably have a bigger house and a nicer car and have nicer holidays every year but those things can still happen if I stop now and stick to my 5 year plan. I dream about the day when I literally have one credit card and I pay the balance off in full every month....can you imagine that! I must pay out nearly £1300 a month to the debts that I owe and although I try not to dwell on that too much it is crazy to imagine a time when all that will be mine to spend or save.

Day 6 today, still stressing about the health issues but I am keeping busy and focusing on doing the right thing for me and my family.

It is also pay day today and for a while I have been talking about getting a new toastie maker! So today I spent £20 on a new toastie maker and I will fully enjoy a few toasties over the weekend! Little steps at a time and this can be achieved.

Day 8....on Thursday night I stood at the bedroom window with my girls for a good 40 minutes watching a mental storm...thunder, lightning, hail stones, torrential rain...you know how much that cost me? Nothing! You know how much they loved it - more than words can say. Their little screams when the hail stones got really heavy, I was laughing my head off. Feeling very blessed at the minute and nothing is going to get in the way of that. My toastie maker arrived yesterday too so looking forward to a seriously tasty toastie for lunch. Stay strong gamcare friends xxx

Well done on 8 days shorty)

Lovely positive post.

Suzanne xxx

Day 11...3 things getting me through this....my kids/husband, the gym and music. I find that if I am listening to music then my brain is concentrating on singing the words to the song rather than wandering to thoughts that it shouldn't be wandering too...I may need to listen to music for the rest of my life....if it works I would do it!

Lovely weekend doing not very much, hoping the weather improves soon so I can start sorting my garden out for the summer. Looking forward to a meal out with the OH on Friday night 🙂

I love storms 🙂 Looks like the library could be an option now for rainy days, looking for books on them!

Hope you enjoyed the toastie & lo, the sun has finally got his hat on (well here in Hertfordshire it has) for us!

Fingers crossed for your tests this week, hopefully they will give you some answers & then you can work to the solutions.

Keep that music on - ODAAT

Day 13...more tests to come health wise, trying not to stress about it but it's not easy. Still listening to music, not had any urges but this is normal at this stage of the process. It's when I get up to 30+ days when I start getting itchy feet. But looking good so far and the diary is getting booked up with weekend activities, think I'm booked up until nearly the end of June now so hopefully this will keep me on the straight and narrow. Sun is out now so going to get in the garden when I get home and start sorting all the weeds out! Then an early night for me 🙂

Day 17...positive I can stay on the straight and narrow until pay day (27th May) without having an urge, for the pure and simple reason I have no money in my bank account except bill money and i could never deal with the trauma of missing a bill payment despite being completely wreckless when it comes to placing bets. I guess I should be grateful for that fact as if I wasn't programmed this way things would be a lot worse!

Had a wonderfully busy weekend and another mad one coming up. Going to look at booking a holiday for later in the year, something a cheap week away but it will be nice to have had a month's gamble free under my belt when i book it and it will be good to have something to look forward to.

Day 19....very pleased to here that w**********l's financial results were down today (these sorts of updates on share prices are linked to my line of work). Maybe one day the world will realise what a dangerous thing gambling is and put a stop to it completely. But then some people are able to enjoy a punt and not lose their entire bank balance in a day....just like alcoholics would like to see drink banned completely but I can quite happily have a glass of wine and then leave it. Heard a good quote the other day.....It's not the result it's the struggle that counts....how true....this struggle will teach me many many many things about myself, life, the importance of friends and family, that health is THE most important thing. Positive thoughts....one day at a time.

Wishing you strength Shorty :0)