Day 1 (£2)
I can't believe that I am having to say this but I am back to day one. I feel so stupid right now. The warning signs were flashing before my eyes - spending less and less time on my diary, the urges started and complacency set in. It began with a stupid decision to just spend £1 a week on the football pools. Surely this couldn't hurt could it. The more frequent visits to the bookies followed before I set up new online accounts. Every time I think I have self-excluded from all of the online bookmakers new ones appear to tempt weak fools like myself. A crazy haze of a few weeks and now I find myself £3,000 worse off. So stupid! What do I have to show for it - stress, a tired body from sleepless nights and a general feeling of irritability with the world.
I have failed so many times but today I will pick myself up, dust myself down, stop feeling sorry for myself and go again. The new accounts are all closed and the blocks are all in place. It was the Spring Equinox yesterday and today I am hoping for the first green shoots of recovery. I have to do this for my wife, my two young children and myself.
I will transfer £2 every day into a savings account for every day of my recovery -£1 for each of my two children. Not a large amount but it will hopefully help me to focus my mind and aid my recovery.
Best wishes to all.
Dave
Hi Dave,
I've been where you are now and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. You know what to do because you've already done a 100+ day stretch, I just want to offer my support. Good idea about putting £2 away each day, although I'd probably put it in a jar where I can see it building up - the kids will get excited seeing their fund increase every day too, they don't need to know why you are doing it if they are young do they?
Best of luck Dave,
Twinklyr
Hi Dave,
You're raw today, that's evident in your diary. You're right, it is your diary and you can put whatever you like on it. Some people are patronizing and condescending, granted, but most on here including Alan and ODAAT really do have your best interest at heart. I remembered back to this post you made about a month ago, and I've wondered from time to time how that jar is building up but I didn't check because you slipped off the radar again. Do you think it might help if you posted more regularly? I'm at the stage now where I know that I won't only be letting myself down by going on a binge, but also letting my mates on here down. I think it's brilliant that you've arranged counselling, is this the first time? I think what the others were saying was what are you going to do differently this time, because you know Dave that you can't go on doing the same thing because that's not working is it? You know, because you wouldn't be here if you didn't know, that you're not just hurting yourself in this - you clearly want to change, and nothing will change unless you do. Please don't take any of this the wrong way, like I said, you are raw - day 1 sucks. Make it your last day 1 though.
Best of luck as always,
Twinklyr
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