Hope

Hi S.A.

Long time no speak, which for either or both of us, is a bad thing (this time it was my slip!). As you are aware i've had an a**s horriblis (or however you spell it!) - this year and in particular the last two months or so have been horrendous. Gambling like never before, but then I return to this site and see that a lot of people are still batlling, and you SA are one of them. I have always drawn inspiration from your diary and will continue to do so.

You are doing well and it seems like work life has settled down a little for you too. The human brain is a very complex tool and I know you are like me when I say my general feelings and mood about all things NON - Gambling, do affect my gambling brain.

Keep up the good work, you deserve every success, ODAAT

Take Care

Blues

Yo,

Thank you for the heads up on that book.

Sort of explained a lot of things , now I need to process it .

Always knew I was a bit of a square peg , least now I know that upto 10 % of the population are square as well. Lol

Hope you enjoyed your day off....

Shiny xxxx

hey SA

thanks for the post and also reading your posts about sensitivities to noise etc was interesting.

Can relate a wee bit as i can cope with ambient noise in the background but not man made noises like car alarms...traffic etc

Other sensory peevs include my utter detest of the light given off by energy saving bulbs..lol ..it disturbs me greatly but my most pronounced sense is smell...

I usually decide if I like people or not by how they smell....lol

onwards and upwards....glad your in a good place hun

R and D xx

Yo.. thanks peoples.. bless ya for your support as always.

No gambling since my last entry. A few thoughts of lottery yesterday as i happened to here ont radio that it was some mega rollover thing. I didn't but the thought was there. Haven't bought a lottery product since the summer of 2004. Woosh i could say the same for the slots.

I had a couple of beers with work mate Friday (just a couple mind!). Me being me i couldn't help but notice the bloke on the fruitie.. middle aged fella. He looked like me to be honest. It was a sad sight... not that i am saying that he was sad I don't know him I don't pass judgement. It was just the scene of a grown man feeding a flashing machine money... while all around laughed and joked. Its cruel that these things are even allowed to exist. He was there for quite a while...still in his work overalls, obviously popped in for a quick one after work and ended up glued to the fruits. I know the scenario extremely well.. I been that man many many times.

Work felt s**t on Friday but ok on Saturday (I work the occasional saturday). Thats the world of work i spose. Good days, bad days, indifferent days. Sometimes it feels relentless, sometimes it doesn't.

So anyway, am fineish, trucking along keeping myself on the straight and narrow... abstaining from gambling. I still feel as if am on my merry go round in life but am trying my best to keep on the merry side of the round.. so atleast I am treading water if not actually moving forward.

A good run this morning.. that always positive. Thanks for listening.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA

thank you for popping in...yep...another storm negotiated and for now back on dry land...

Its learning to manage the highs and lows without resorting to old destructive behaviours isnt it?

Always a work in progress ..possibly for life in my case ..lol

Learning to stop chasing,be still and comfortable in your own skin and not have destructive crutches.

keep on the merry side of round.....light side of the moon ..the water levels are shallower to tread.

R and D xx

Yo,

Like that staying on the merry side 🙂

Once again must thank you for the HSP thing . Chatted about it to my daughter and my dad today . Both could totaly see it . My daughter cause she and my oh often wonder why things they do not notice bother me so much . And my dad cause he is the same as me .

Feeling much more comfortable in myself , now it has a name , crazy really , as if a name makes it different .

Anyways enough about me , you seem ok, hopefully your off today , enjoyed a run and chilling .

Thanks again ....

Shiny xxxxxx

Thanks all 🙂

Am struggling a bit this morning. Monday morning blues. I need stuff to look forward to. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

105 days since last bet and just the one gambling event in 2012.

Onwards... S.A

hi SA.

Hope the day picks up for you...

Can't believe its Halloween at the end of the month..

How would your work react to you driving along in full goulish costume?.lol

Take care and always forwards

R and D xx

Hi Dotty... and yes my day does seem to have picked up. Partly the relief of having got through another working day unscathed but am also coping better with stress at the moment... long may it last.

The clients would love it if I drove in some mad costume lol

Thanks for listening.. S.A 🙂

Dear diary... day off work today. I jumped at the chance to be honest. Am working Saturday again to cover for a collegue. It suits me fine, breaks the week up. Its like although am coping well at the moment.. it is stressful.

Horribly under staffed yesterday and manager just disappeared like all day.. which is fine cos I don't like her... but also not fine cos we were just left with many a client just milling around getting bored and frustrated, wanted to go out or simply do something anything but they couldn't. You simply end up focussing on the challenging behaviour and keeping clients safe from each other but thats it... no oppurtunity for anything meaningful.

I think myself lucky sometimes though. I was watching some undercover documentary about working on cruise ships where minimum wage and basic Uk workers rights simply don't apply. They found employees working 16 hours a day (and more), 7 days a week with no time off for half the minimum wage... never seeing the light of the sun whilst the passengers enjoy their luxury. I for one shall never go on a cruise knowing what i know now.

It was a real shocker to see how people are exploited in the work place. I also feel like I am exploited in my work place but to a much lesser degree. Atleast my organisation does stick to the minimum requirements set down by law.

And then i watched another documentary about pay day and door step loans which of course many of us are familiar with and how they entice people to take out a loan and then another and then another and big interest and then folk are trapped sometimes for a life time in a spiral of debt and despair.

In some ways I think I was lucky cos my spiral of debt and despair was pre-banking collapse and so it was Mr barclaycard and friends that I owed to and they ain't gonna turn up on my doorstep demanding money with menaces. I did once apply to a door step lender when i'd got suitably desparate but when they saw my then flat with literally nothing in it but a bed.. even they declined me.. thank god!

Anyway, no gambling since my last entry. Onwards... S.A

P.s Commercial exploitation of poor and vulnerable people. Its a sad inditement of society I think. The have's and the have nots. A great divide getting ever wider. As some of the cruise ship employees said (annoymously of course).. nobody cares.. you just get on with it or go. I can relate to that feeling but in there case.. where to do you go when your at sea?? and even when you arrive at a port where do you get the means to travel back to your home country?? There situation is like bonded labour.

P.s.s Their and there... when to use which?? I have a degree but still struggle lol

hi SA

Yep...it seems conditions in the workplace is going backwards sometimes..didnt see the programmes but I can guess the content.

No doubt the cruise ship employers justify it by saying its tax free or something.

I hope your day is sunny as it is here...and great to see your coping well...I guess your boss is the devil you know which doesnt make it better but you know the length she can go to.(keep your phone off today!)

Onwards with your recovery SA....and i also have to add a 3rd one ..when is it "they're"...lol'

R and D xx

Take the letter "i" from "their" and use this as the reminder. Think of "i" more like "I" as in a person. This is the word to use when you are referring to something that belongs or relates to them as a person "I"

Did that make any sense at all ? lol

Anyway enjoy your day off...I'm off to put my head in the oven ( don't panic I'm only going to clean it)

hi SA

Hope you had a good day off hun...

thank you for popping in....lol ...I am going to see if i can make it through the whole night with both eyes shut...lol

keep watching the skies

R and D xx

Thanks peeps.. and yes a nice day off 🙂

Another day, work beckons. I feel quite angry this morning.. maybe more angry with myself than anything. I deserve better.

Thanks for listening...No gambling.. S.A

Hi SA,

Sorry to hear the anger has reared its head, seems to do that to us from time to time. I don't think this is a trait of a compulsive gambler though, its just human nature - try to shake it off by doing something positive. What works for me may sound weird but sitting in a quiet spot, just looking around, listening to the birds, watching swans e.g. anything tranquil really seems to work.

I hope your dat gets better and those nasty urges stay away!

Blues