Hope

Thanks both.. 🙂 Am not going to dwell on whats happened, its history now.

Ive just had a nice chat with my dad. Ive been procrastinating about phoning for a while now. His wife has leukaemia and i can sense the worry in his voice. I listen with concern. I want to call more often. Its just hard thats all. From my side I can seldom think of anything to say... not anything interesting or significant anyway. I say a bit about stressy work and a bit about running and thats about it. What else is there to say?... am certainly not going to add to his worries by saying that ive gambled recently. I tend to regress to a child like state when i phone my folks even though I am very much an adult.

Anyway thats me, am back. I still need this place. I still feel like am going round my same old patterns of behaviour (which i am)... nothing changes if nothing changes. Having said that ive got no intention to set myself up for another fall. Work tomorrow and running event sunday.. so will probably post next after that. Am ok in the great scheme of things. Thanks for listening... S.A

Hi S.A glad to hear ur sticking around i read ur diary and can relate to lots of it im sure ur dad was just glad to hear ur voice bloods thicker that water in the end of the day yea i think ur rite its a need to know basis wit the slip.

Hope u have a gud weekend!

Take care

Hey SA...

just reading your post there ...

In some ways ....me being a machine /bookie/online gambler would be a lesser risk as i would pretty much be able to predict outcomes..

In life I take massive risks with my heart and soul and myself..sometimes it does'nt pay off..the consequences of what you have seen on my diary...but most times it does.

You and your Dad are both struggling with things beyond your control....you have a lot in common..

He is also chasing a potential loss..and I mean that straight from the heart.

R and D xx

Hi SA,

Sorry 2 read about ur slip, it takes a lot of strength 2 come back and not give up.... Selfishly I am glad u r still posting cus I like reading ur posts they r soooo honest 🙂

Everyday we don't gamble we r a winner 🙂

Stay strong!

Have a gr8 wknd 🙂

hey hun.

Have fingers,eyes,toes,hair,tongue,legs and arms crossed for ya on the Boss's leaving front...

Happy Days xx

R and D xxx

Hi SA,

Just caught up with where you're at, and really disappointed for you mate. However, 2 gambling episodes all year is a million miles from where you would be without all the effort and strength you put into your recovery. Not too shabby a stat, I tell you!

I know you know what needs to be different. Change is hard and painful. I am certainly struggling with change on a daily basis, and do not underestimate the magnitude of the task. If change were so easy, addiction wouldn't exist.

I'm still rooting for you mate - you are capable of breaking these patterns. Just like I am fighting to break mine, and it is frekking awful but will be worth it on the other side : )

I don't see any difference between myself and you. We are both struggling to change unhealthy patterns. I may be doing good on the gambling front, but am still cowering from other scary stuff that is holding me back.

Anyway, don't know what else to say.....I believe in you : )

f x

Hi Dotty... yes many of us Cg's thought we could predict the outcome of our gambles. If only it was that easy. The cg's problem is that he/she doesn't stop on those rare occasions when he/she predicts correctly.

Interesting point about risk taking with heart and soul. I am the pole opposite to you. I don't take any risks at all hence why i am alone and thats fundamentally what i need/want to change.

re my dad... well yes, alot goes unsaid. My folks my sisters and me are all quite preceptive though. They know when i am in a good place and when i am not just through a phone call or lack of phone call... and me with them. Am not trying to change the dynamic between me and my family... it is the way it is. I just want to phone a bit more regular... but more to the point I want to have something to say... which means concentrating on myself and doing stuff, something, anything lol... o am going to a gig thing next week, a mate at work sings a bit.. so it might be fun..

Hi Charlotte, Hi Freda... you both snuck in when i was writng my last post... thanks for writing.

Must admit i am happy to be back. Writing is highly therapeutic for me even though its a bit isolating. It does get me thinking and thats no bad thing and it stops my thoughts just swimming around my head with nowhere to go.

To be honest freda.. am much less traumatised by my last gambnling episode than i normally am. I don't know whether thats a good thing or not but the important part is that am still here working at it,, whatever it is.

Charlotte... am coming over to your diary now. Batten down the hatches if you don't want me climbing in ... 😉

Happy days folks happy days... S.A 🙂

hey hun...if im the pole opposite...you know what potential we have on this site???????..The complete circle and..... the whole world in our hands....

Yeee ha

R and D xx

Thanks Ade... and yes and both my slips this year have been after being drunk and in charge of myself. A very clear message.

As for the running, well I did 1 hour 49 minutes for the Brum half marathon. My second best time ever. Am pleased. I also enjoyed cheering all the back markers in. Its a great acheivment for all that attempt distance running.

Nothing else to say today. Am off to eat a whole roast pig (well sort of lol)... no gambling problems... S.A 🙂

hey SA ....great to see you are here..

Good time on the running there..I applaud anyone with stamina...Im more of a 100 mtr sprint kind gal...

have a great hog roast.. xx

R and D xx

Feeling really low. I guess am tired. Work is s**t. I feel like s**t. The relentlessness of my sad existence... on it goes. No gambling. Thanks for listening.. S.A

A little reading and posting has got me back into more positive headspace. Am ready to face the day now. No gambling.. S.A 🙂

Wow SA..you turned that thinking round in 15 mins....this site reallly does com through for you when you need it most...

youre not alone hun

R and D xx

Hi Rachel... and yes the site is a godsend really.

Am feeling ok today... digging deep with work and no thoughts of gambling. All for now.. S.A