Hope

Glad the runnings going well - I need to get my a**e back out there. I'm signing up to a half marathon in September so need to get moving and be ready for that. Glad work was "ok". Easier said than done but its not worth worrying and stressing over things before they happen as usually things are never as bad as we think. As I said tho easier said than done.

To me your the legend, I think it's great that you don't let a slip get you down to much and fight back quick and just as hard as before. You need the gamcare crutches - so do I big time I hate to think where I'd be without this site and without the support of people like yourself. You and your diary has helped me massively and I've learnt a lot from reading and following your diary. So that's why I say SA the legend.

Like David says, you are a legend of these diaries.

You are someone who really has been through the lows of life all because of gambling.

But equally you have bounced back each time. Your honesty really something that is to be proud of and because of this, I know that good things will happen to you for the rest of your days.

There really are some lovely human beings on our planet and you are one of them. Greedy gambling bosses who think nothing of preying on vulnerable people would do really well to spend a little bit of time in your company. That way, some values and morals may just creep back into their lives.

Keep up with your running too, I am currently training hard for the London Marathon and am really looking forward to it.

NT

Hey SA,

You are very very strong, and I admire how you cope and hold down your job, and keep sickness absences very low. It does keep you safe from losing your income, and that is very positive.

I totally agree that having someone else there to balance out your negative thoughts with more positive ones is a massive bonus. To be honest, I reckon that is the biggest thing I have going for me - it really is difficult to remember what the positives are when you are in that headspace. I don't know if you have ever tried the CBT technique of predicting how you will feel using percentages. It's a helpful tool, and a tangible way to look back and confirm that historically you tend to predict things will be worse than they turn out to be. For example, you predict how hard it is going to be to get through the day at work - maybe in your worked up state it would have been say, 90%. Then you record the ACTUAL REALITY at the end of the day - perhaps 50%. When in a bad headspace, you can look back at these patterns and they can act as a form of reassurance. Hope that makes sense.

You are doing great, as ever : )

f x

Day 47... hey thanks folks 🙂

Am feeling fine today. Another few days at a work completed. Just been writing on a few others diaries. I now feel all out of words. So will keep mine short today. No gambling problems. Thanks for listening.. S.A 🙂

Hey Fellah,

You do write some awesome posts......Loved the post on mine, especially the duck bit!

Mmmm dating, havn't completed mine yet, can't get my head round how to do the introduction.......need some thinking time!

Think I am gonna be as honest as possible (except for the gambling addicton) but I will disclose if I think the person is worthy. My last partner did so much damage emotionaly that I couldn't bear to do the same thing to someone else....honesty is the best policy.

Very impressed about the running!

You know SA......Try the dating thing again, I have heard from so many people it works...guess we need to be grounded from the start and see what happens. Wouldn't it be hysterical if we met on line and didnt know each others identity......o*g...Rolling round the floor now!!!!

Giggling away to myself now!

Have great weekend.

Sue x

hey SA..just checking in and saying im still reading...

You're a legend for sure ....

Dating eh?...not read Sues post but will...i think that would be great..and i would aalso lol if you met Sue...

For me its the life of a spinster in twin set and pearls with a wicker basket full of scones and my dog in middle england...circa 1040's Miss Marple ..I coud not think of a more blissful life..shawls and cocoa and a good book...(yes..i did say book..lol)

Would love to live vicariously through all you guys and gals regailing stories of your dating diaries..lol

take care hun

R and D x...

My batchelotte days are over.

Day 48

Thanks both. Dating is a funny old game. Part of me thinks that i will just meet someone naturally. Ya know ya just get chatting over some mutual interest and it goes from there... but of course it aint gonna happen if am periodically gambling cos A. I won't have any money to do anything and B. I will be feeling too wretched to want to even try.

I was sitting in the jacuzzi this morning after my gym work out and there was this nice lass about my age sitting next to me. I thought to myself I will chance my arm. I made some innocuous comment about the temperature of the water being about right and she responds abruptly.. "I am watching my children in the swimming pool".. I thought for ******** sack there is no need to be rude! Gee I wasn't to know she was all sprogged up and probably with a jealous possesive husband lurlking round the corner! O well I can laugh about it now lol I guess it must be annoying for women to be hit on all the time when your involved with someone or even when your not.. but I guess your well practiced in giving men the brush off when your not interested. When are you interested by the way, and how do you show it??.. am well out of practice, advice needed 😉

Got a mate coming round later.. he wants to use my phone and computer and whilst he's here he will proabbly pick fault with my flat.. but hey ho its a bit of company for a couple of hours havent seen him for ages.

No gambling problems. Thanks for listening.. S.A 🙂

hey SA...

If I ever get idle I would say that is the day when i am totally cured and happy as Larry..lol.

I shall see if i can keep my eyes closed for a nano second without nosying around the room,wondering who's partnered up with who and thinking "are they happy or faking it"...lol... or more likely thinking "whats for lunch''"..see..am already projecting and i don't go til tomorrow!

Good on you for taking a chance SA..although that woman sounded a bit highly strung..glad your having a laugh about it now.

yeah...well being a woman thats hit on all the time its a hard life..but hey! someones gotta do it...LOL jus kidding...but all i can say is from my own warped life experience on the dating scene ..when im interested in someone I normally pretend to ignore them as i can't be normal round them.I tend to chat to their mates instead where i can be normal.

Yep...i'm that mature..and no wonder we are all confused...lol

Tell your mate to bring a take away round....hes lucky to have you.

R and D xx

ps...

Just remembered an experiment i did a few years ago....started wearing my ring on my wedding finger..got hit on loads...!!!

Its just not normal for me to even look at peoples hands for rings as i have never been married..but a lot of people do..

R and D xx

Hi S.A.

Thanks for posting support on my diary the other day. I've just read back a bit in yours to catch up. Good to see you nearing 50 days after your last stumble.

I was interested to read your running times. I'd just started to get into my running before Xmas and was doing regular 5km runs. I'd love to do a nice 13 miles like you but need to build up my stamina first. Something good to aim for though.

Keep strong, keep healthy and resist those gambling urges.

Day 49

Thanks Rach for your wisdom on the fairer s*x. I guess next time I get the cold shoulder from some fine filly its cos she fancies me really! 🙂 lol

Thanks Curly. Good to see that your out running. Its perfect weather for pounding the streets just now.

Ive got a good vibe for this years running. Now that ive stumbled across an electrolyte/carbohydrate mix that seems to work for me its time to get those miles in. Ive decided that i will run the full marathon distance twice before my next marathon event. All this guff you read on the internet about not running for more than 3 hours in a training run is silly cos at the end of the day average marathon runner takes 4 hours plus to run the marathon. If my body is only use to running for 3 hours then its gonna struggle beyond that which is exactly what happened last year and its no fun when your body is absolutely f***** and youve still got 10km to go!

Today I ran for 2 hours 22 mins at around 9 minute miles so i reckon i did between 15 and 16 miles. Next weekend i will run for just over 2.5 hours.

The real challenge is keeping injury at bay and making sure i get enough rest between runs. No more shin splints please.

I reckon ive lost a little weight. Am enjoying green tea amongst my many cups of coffee of course!

It was nice to see my mate last night. I like to cook but seldom do it. We had stew and mash.. good winter fodda.

He's stressed out cos his housing benefit will be cut by 25% come end of march.. he has extra rooms that he does not need so he will have to find the extra. he does not know how to find the extra. he wanted me to move in. I says thanks but no thanks. I helped him look at the option of a transfer to a 1 bedroom bungalow. I hope things work out for him.

No thoughts of gambling. Just getting on with life. The usual background stress of work. Must get on with Nvq stuff today. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Sounds like a great run. You're right, it's perfect weather right now - ideal temperatures, dry, no ice and no wind.

I just wish that my cold and cough would go away as I'm itching to get back outside again!

Just a thought, sorry if I have mentioned it already. Have you ever thought about investing in a GPS watch?

I find them a godsend during the longer runs.

NT

Oh dear, it is a mine field these days, the dating world!

After one of our early dates I followed hubby all the way along the tube line, way past my stop, leaning forward toward him and he still never got the hint that I wanted some sugar! eesh!

Presuming you can pick up on bloody obvious hints, I always find the looking more than twice thing a good yardstick. I heard that Tracy Cox talk about it on the telly years ago, and I reckon she is right. Basically if someone glances at you once, it may just be indifferent curiousity the way we always look at faces, twice (within a couple of minutes) and they like the look of you (but may still not be interested, due to being taken etc.) three times in a short space of time they are very likely attracted to you. Doesn't have to be direct eye contact, but if you catch someone looking at you a few times, chances are you are in there!

Makes sense, no?

Yeah that makes sense Freda thanks. To be honest am quite senistive to how people are with me in general. You know how sometimes people can be saying one thing but mean something else.. the body language, amount of eye contact, how they say the things they say etc etc.. ususally gives the game away. Gut instinct tends to be right i think.

Feeling mega low this evening. Am not sure whether its the come down from todays long run or that am just stressed about work. Bit of both i think. Even the thought of the boss being in tomorrow stresses me out. Her presence affects me greatly. makes me think of the A to Zen of life... A being... "Avoid negative sources, people, places and habits"... and yet tomorrow i drag myself into that place once again. Did do some Nvq work though so thats positive.

Going to bed now. Thanks for reading folks. No gambling... S.A

Day 50 without having gambled a penny. gambling is such a pathetic waste of time, money and energy.

I hate this first thing in the morning lark. You know that first 10 to 15 minutes after you just woken up and all ya want to do is pull the duvet back over the head but you can't cos ya got to go to smelly old work. Booo

Actually am cold this morning. Its spose to be mild but am freezing. Somebody tell me to put some darn heating on, I will sleep better.

Thanks for listening... S.A