Hope

http://www.youtube.com/watch?…;feature=youtube_gdata_player

hi SA...this guy is one of the most world renowed experts on the subject of shame.

Ask me delete if its not for you but may be interesting..given your previous post x

r and d xx

Hi SA,

I had similar triggers prior to a gambling binge. If everything seems to be going wrong, there is a weird comfort in actually being in control of things going wrong. If you gamble, its your fault that things went wrong there, whereas if the universe is just randomly sheeting on you it is scarier.

The weird workings of the mind eh!

Day 57 - go SA, go SA, go go go SA! (I'm doing that silly dance with my arms that is popular in North America, when 'bigging someone up') I am soooo down with the kids ; )

Day 58 ... yes, interesting Rach.. ive listened to the first 3 youtube clips.. even found myself taking some notes.. healthy shame versus toxic shame, boundaries, not loving self, not allowed to be a child, going into hiding, family secrets.. in need of something greater than myself. I will listen to him again when am not so tired and reflect.

Thanks Freda am bigged up 🙂

No gambling problems and now its gym time!! 🙂

Thanks for listening.. S.A 🙂

wow ..taking notes even..

had a bit of a miscompare when i first saw him on youtube as read his books but never "seen' him.,.

At first i could not get over how he sounds like Reverand Lovejoy from The Simpsons...lol

JB has been a big inspiration in my recovery and is part of the reading at coda...

Glad he also stuck a chord with you..

R and D xx

Day 59

Tired, not physically tired but mentally tired... other wise known as emotionally f****d.. and why is it that am at work at 7.30 defrosting the company vehicles (not that i could fit them in the microwave) when my shift doesn't start till 8 and then i feel guilty for leaving at 3.45 when my shift finishes at 4??? Its b*****ks that i have to feel this way when everyone else at work couldn't give a flying f**k.

Anyway no particularly urge to go out and feed a machine as a way to relax and unwind. Ive done the right thing by coming here and writing.

It is generally hard this time of year though, don't you think?? Its like the cold and the dark and the trudging to work it just gnaws away at my soul. Some of the clients are struggling as well and its just hard to stay on a level in order to help them stay on a level when all ya want do is go home and sit and just BE.

Gambling can go f**k off!! Thanks for listening... S.A

8am til 4pm?...you lucky sod! I did 8.45am til 7.45pm today...11 hours of Joe public and some of them are unware they have a problem! And I defrosted my car at 7.15am and again at 8pm.life sucks

hey SA

hope you are feeling a bit better today and some of the frustrations of yesterdays work died down.

I read your post and saw huge positves in that you have personal standards of conduct in the workplace, you don't take the P*** and have a conscience which some of them dont in your place.

My mum used to say..'keep your own side of the street clean "

No matter how many people take the P*** around you in work,you can hold your head high and know you have done a good job.

You are 100% committed to your service users just as our Womble is..and thank god people like yourselves exsist in our society looking after our most vulnerable people..

I understand the guilts you feel from yesterday but you know what? im glad I have them as it keeps me focussed on the job and no one can ever have cause to question my work...

Some folks don't have the same standards in work and it descends into a bun fight.

Keep being you.

R and d x

Gambling can f**k off that's the second time I've read that today. A passionate group we are. Thanks for the post mate. Keep grinding away. Two months from the slip, doing great.

Day 60

Thanks everyone.. support much appreciated as always. Even though ive done 60 days a million times before. Its still an acheivement. So well done to me!

Its been a fairly good day today. Work went smoothly and if everything goes to plan then tomorrow all i will have to do is show up have a snow ball fight and then go home. The snow gods need to keep their side of the bargain lol

I been for a long run this evening in the light snow.. and loved it. Thought i bettter get a long one in before the weather turns really snowy.

Thanks again folks will post back soon enough and good to hear from you hampton.. my your work days are long, gets the money in though eh.. guess i should stop moaning about stuff, though I probably won't lol

Regards to all... S.A 🙂

Sa

fella remember my friend.

No eating the yellow snow lol!!!

I have prayed to some strange gods in my unreligious life i quite like the idea of the snow god!!!

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Day 61

Cheers Dunc... well the snow gods came just too late. Slept badly last night cos what i thought might happen did happen. At 7.30 this morning the snow wasn't quite bad enough so the f*****g boss b**** (not quite gone yet) insists that we pick up clients, which was rediculous cos we all new that we'd have to drop them off again almost straight away, which is exactly what happened!!

Whats the point in driving in unsafe conditions to pick up vulnerable clients to then slip and slide around for a while and nearly have an accident every 20 feet to then drop them off again almost straight away. f*****g b****. Sorry but am angry... its well out of order.

How would she like it if she was marrooned miles from a clients house in blizzard conditions while the client freaks out!! We got lucky that that didn't happen, but its ****** wrong to be put in that position.

moan over. Thanks for listening... S.A

It IS wrong, and no you don't have to apologise for being angry with that c**t!

Let it all out, but don't ever be sorry. It is normal to feel like that under those circumstances. I'm sick of how taboo it is in our culture to be angry. Personally I'm not having it anymore, I'm angry and I'm not sorry!

f x

hey thanks Freda. My Ulcer is angry too! But am home now and chilling out in the warm stress levels coming down and the weekend cometh. I canny be bothered to feel angry about stuff that is now history.. but like you say, when i next feel angry about stuff i will try to let the anger out instead of getting depressed and growing ulcers!! Hope your having a good day. Warm regards... S.A 🙂

Y'know..anger is not a bad emotion....we have it in order to stand up for ourselves...its a survival mechanism and a great cleanser and leveller..

Angry feelings need to be expressed in a safe environment...

In anger people speak the truth and what they REALLY think.

There's an old saying ..there are only 2 groups of people who speak the truth..alcoholics and children.

As we regress back to our frozen childhood feelings we can tap into that anger and melt it away...dont ever apologise for being angry SA as your getting it out in the right way about a person who has real issues.

There will be the biggest cheer all over the UK the day she leaves ....

whooop whoop..counting the days

r and d xx

Hi SA,

I hope u r ok 🙂

I am not surprised that u r angry, it sounds like she enjoys the power!

From wot I have read u r dedicated 2 ur job and u should receive lots of praise 4 that... It is a shame that she does not seem 2 recognise ur hard work 🙁

I hope uv still got ur heating on, cus it's freezing! lol

Have a gr8 nite 🙂