Hope

Sa

my honourable friend i found you on the depths of page 3!!! Not a fitting place for a fella who brings a great deal to the forum.

Tonight sleep fails me, so i am enjoying the other great tonic in my life a gamcare top up.

Your so right about living in a cycle.

For me it doesn't matter from which end of the wealth scale the compulsive gambler comes from, the end results the same ever decreasing circles!!!

Through abstinence we slowly unwind the coil.

Keep making the choice.

Me I'll keep enjoying the posts.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Day 122... Thankyou all 🙂

Ive withdrawn a bit from diary writing this week, though am still reading a little bit. Am just tired i think. All those miles running and some work stress have caught up with me I think. I will get my creative writing juices back soon enough am sure and post back when it happens.

The most important bit is that am not gambling and have had no desire to gamble. Long may that continue. Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂

The sun goes up, the sun goes down.

You probably hit the wall hun...adrenaline crash and all that..hope those ulcers don't come back..

As they say on the Godfather ...(as we know all life's challenges can be solved by quotes from the Godfather...)...you gotta go to the mattresses...in this case literally ...

Make sure you get some good quality sleep...

R and D xx

Day 123

Thanks Rach..as it happened i did have a developing ulcer but it didn't grow into a full blown agonising horror, so am most grateful for that.

Thought for the day: tolerance. I learn to be tolerant of other peoples behaviours. I am making progress here... getting less judgemental in my thoughts. The reason i mention it is that i had a collegue confide in me today about how victimised he feels by the current manager to the extent that the working relationship bwteen them has virtually broken down.

Must admit that I had no idea what to say to him because my working relationship with the current manager is fine. He even said that the current manager was even worse than the previous manager which is an incredible thing to say in my mind. But then i guess we all have different perceptions and different outlooks.

For me i always try my hardest not to allow a working relationship to completely break down. I have a moan about someone but then the next day is a new day and I try to start over. Even with my collegue who never stops talking about herself I keep trying to get along with her. I genuinely felt for her today. She gets ever so nervous when she has to drive clients home and weve got a brand new hire vehicle and she was shaking like a leaf. She couldn't make sense of the handbrake cos it was different. Poor lamb.

Anyway i am fine. Just tired but not completely drained. No running and an early night for sure. Once the sun has gone to bed then S.A goes to bed however am usually up before the sun gets up. I feel like a parent lol

No gambling problems. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Day 124

Well its 5 a.m and its snowing and its windy. I would say its a blizzard, but its not. But the question of the day is....

Will I be required to spend several hours driving around picking up vulnerable adults??

The answer should be no, but ya never know with my company.

But hey whatever happens it will be another day of non-gambling. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

The sun hasn't got up yet, its a lazy B*****r lol

I am hoping by now you have had the call to stay home and are snug as a bug in a rug and not tralling round in a blizzard and trying to keep people upright in the snow.

Have a lovely picture of you hisssssing at the geese as you pass by, one of my neighbours has pet ones in her garden, much better than a guard dog. The ones here get chased away by the swans as they are very terratorial but when they swim by they go in a single file line, once counted 27 in one straight line, nature is very strange at times.

Snow must be a pain for you with your running, you are so commited to it I really admire that and you are doing equally well not going on spending sprees so well done you.

Sun has been out here this morning but gone for a siesta I think.

xxx

Day 125

A very frustrating winter. Yesterday as soon as i'd finished typing my post the snow stopped and it turned into a normal working day. Today there is a foot of snow outside and nothing moves. Today would have been a work abandoned day cos not able to collect clients... but its saturday and the centre is closed anyway.. how frustrating!! O well never mind, atleast am not gambling eh! 🙂

Thanks Rainbow, nature has a challenge with the current weather am sure. Cheers for now... S.A 🙂

Lol..

Check us out...the early morning crew!

Ditto on the snow ...its deep out here too .

off back to sleep now

Xxx

Thought of you today as endless stream of runners along the opposite bank looking frozen and miserable running in the sleet. Think it is a practice for Gt Ormond St run they do later in the year when they do either 50 or 100 miles charity run over the weekend.

Should have set up a hot soup stall for them but no way across the river near me.

xxx

Day 127 since last gamble of any kind.

Thanks both and yes running in cool weather is great but running when its freezing and partcularly when its freezing and windy is a challenge to put it mildly. Nonetheless ive chalked up my first half-marathon of the season. 1 hour 48 minutes... pretty good time for a course with a hill climb in it.

Anyway things is basically ok with me. Am getting fed up of walking on icy pavements. Spring has got to come soon hasn't it?? No gambling problems. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hi Sa,

I know a little of the perils of trying to run outdoors in sub zero temps, through him indoors. It would seem you run the risk of getting sore, cracked skin on your tinkle! Hope you have managed to escape this man-shaped pitfall. It is really quite debilitating.

Onwards and upwards!

f x

Day 128

Thats funny f... though fortunately ive managed to avoid the pitfals concerning chaffed tinkle lol Its my man nips that get sore, though not so much nowadays, I think theyve toughened up abit.

No gambling problems but work felt like a mixed bag today, bit of an emotional rollercoaster at times... but on balance am still enjoying it. Not much else to say, but i know that i still need to be here logging my progress and thoughts. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hi SA,

Glad to see that you have managed a good period of abstinence away from those gambling demons, and glad to see that you are keeping this long running diary going.

I used to have a long running diary just like yours, but have decided to start over from scratch and try a new approach to recovery.

Well done on your Half-marathon time as well! Not too shappy at all ;0)

Keep strong my friend

MW

Day 129

Thanks MW.... I will read your new diary over the weekend and post back. I think i will stay put with my current diary. Its got alot of history now. I like the fact that my thoughts are all in one place. Nearly 5 years of recovery and relapse and then renewed determination. Never give up giving up, that has been my reality.

Today has been another positive day... am tired but coping well with work and life. Day at a time is what works. Good things come to those who keep doing the right things day in and day out and i intend to carry on being one of those people. Thanks for listening folks. I intend to post more over the BH weekend... S.A 🙂

Day 131

Another gambling free day begins. Am so tired but once am awake i know i won't get back to sleep so I get up. The sun is up to and hopefully it will melt away the remaining snow so i can go for a long run at some point over the easter weekend without having to be a cautious cat on the ice.

Pay day was yesterday and ive paid all my bills so they are ahead of themselves... and even put a little aside for a rainy day. It feels good to be in this position and thats what happens when i don't gambling for a few months.

No gambling ='s more money.... even when your on a low wage, it just takes a while thats all.

I have plans tonight and tomorrow night. Nothing desparately exciting but the fact that am going out at all is an acheivment for me. I can't stop in forever...well I can.. but i choose not to.

Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂