Hope

Day 139... with no gambling.

It is frustrating Shiny that I do things that are self-destructive that I know will get me feeling bad about myself afterwards but I do them anyway OR on the flip side I don't do things that I know could help me in the longer term probably because there is no instant reward no instant gratification.

I guess dabbling in what I call my minor addictions ie those which don't have profound consequences is a price worth paying if it keeps me away from my main addiction, that being gambling of course.

Sometimes I go through brief periods of time when am living a very simple and very wholesome life and I really enjoying it. Its like when your eating well and sleeping well and not drinking or gambling or escaping in some other way and ya feel so fresh and alive and alert and people want to be around you cos they they pick up on your positive vibe. I have moments when am like the boy off the Ready break advert (you have to be old to remember this lol) walking around with a bright orange glow. It never lasts though, stress always comes along soon enough to extinguish that life glow.

I was reading this article about addictions being a response to existential stress. Its like many people in western societies learn to deal with stress by running and hiding from it, pushing it away, stuffing it inside, switching off from it. many of us are not able to just sit with it and let it pass naturally. This is me.

Anyway this is me today, a work in progress. The sun is up and its got its spring hat on. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hi S.A.

I enjoyed reading your post today. I could relate to so much of what you were saying/feeling. Just wanted to drop in to say thanks and am always reading and supporting. Take Care, -joan

Hi

thankyou for support in my diary.

I hope you are running in the sun today you deserve it, can't believe you put weight on the calories you must burn off the mileage you do. At least you derserve the treats not like Ms coach potato me.

My grandaughter brought me the picture of the sun and rainbow yesterday so put on here for you as a beautiful sunny day here today.

xxx

Day 140

Nice piccie... I guess the pot of gold at end of rainbow is just out of view.

Back to back long runs completed. I hour 36 mins yesterday evening and 2 hours 32 mins this morning. Total time running 4 hours 9 mins over a time span of 16 hours ie started yesterdays run at 6 pm and finished todays run at 10 a.m. I hope I did the marathon distance, i'd be disappointed if I didn't.

Next weekend I will start a little later in the eve say 7 P.m and finish the second run by 9 a.m... that's the theory anyway. Running on fatigued legs builds up the endurance according to the experts. Must admit I ran much better this morning than I did yesterday... weird... you'd think it would be the other way round wouldn't you???

Anyway no gambling problems. To be honest my thighs would ache standing at some machine for 3 hours, easier to run than stand still. So that's another reason not to do it.

Nvq stuff needs doing the lady comes tomorrow. What else can I do to avoid doing it??

Thanks for listening folks and have a good day... warm regards... S.A 🙂

The sun is up, it even has a tinge of warmth to it. later it will go down and father frost will return.

Day 141

A difficult day. Stress levels have been high and only now are stress levels reducing. I was almost gonna throw a sickie this morning as there were certain things that I just didn't want to face at work. But faced them I did and although I flunked an online maths test for the Nvq, I showed up and did my best. I know what to expect now and will do some practice tests for next time.

Ive also been informed that am owed tonnes of annual leave. The previous manager was didling me out of my entitlement for a long time, am pretty sure of that. If I stop to think about it I will get angry, but the past is the past and with the new manager I know I will get my entitlement.

Despite all my running over the weekend, I feel like a run. So run I will... just a short one mind Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂

P.s No sick days since 2011... that's quite an achievement given the job I do. Well I think so anyway.

The sun came up and now its going down, yet again. Predictable as always.

Hi there

have def found my pot of gold living here and just enjoy the rainbow these days,

That is some impressive non sickness record you have there especially as you say in your line of work. Hope you get your leave sorted. I thought I had lost mine when I was off sick but told last week they are actually paying me for some of it, wonders will never cease.

Beautiful sunny day here so hope you enjoyed your run and don't let the work stuff get to you as you are doing a marathon task not gambling - see what I did there, corny or what thats me.

xxx

Day 142.. not a penny gambled

The empty ground floor flat in my block has been broken into, everything that could be ripped out has been ripped out, including the hot water tank, the taps, the sinks.. it beggars belief. They ripped the piping out in such a way that the flat just flooded like someone had a fire hose. Apparently the council bloke was knee deep in water. I now have no water. Some other bloke has just showed up and shakes his head and says, this is a big job mate. So god only knows when I will have water again.

It makes me feel insecure. Iv'e always felt safe living here but after this it makes ya think doesn't it. What if I go away for a few days and come back to find my flat cleaned out of absolutely everything! f*** a doodle do. I hate thieves especially those that break into homes. They should be lined up against a wall and shot.

Am angry... thanks for listening S.A

Not surprised your angry, what b******s. Hope it gets sorted real quick for you, all you need when you are doing so well.

xxx

Day 143.. with not a penny having been gambled in that time.

Cheers Rainbow... the water is back on and the anger soon passed. Makes me think how sad and desperate some folk must be to go round burgling empty flats, just for a bit of copper and what ever else.

Today has been fine. Am ridiculously motivated at the moment and almost enjoying the job. The only down side is that I ate so much s**t today... sausage and egg sandwich, some chips, some crisps and chocolate and tonnes of sugary coffee (of course!)... am defo going running to burn it all off.

Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂

Day 144

Just checking in, like I do. All is fine, except I have a cold. Its come out of nowhere. Am sneezing for England. Hopefully it will go as quick as it came.

Other than that, no gambling problems, onwards and forwards and thanks for listening folks.. S.A 🙂

The sun came up and then it went down like it always does. My daily postings are almost as predictable.

Day 145

Another day passing gambling free. Work was frustrating for all sorts of reasons, but more for the fact that I was full of cold. Having said that once work was over I started to feel better (funny that eh ;-)). I decided to go for a sauna this evening and ended up swimming 42 lengths, half front crawl, half breast stroke. sauna was heavenly. I think am beating this cold off as quickly as it came.

No thoughts of gambling today, so that's good. Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂

Once again the sun came up this morning and then it went down later in the day.

Day 146.... and another day passing gambling FREE!!

One of the nice things about not gambling (amongst many!) is that I have more money (relatively speaking anyway, I am still a poor person financially speaking) but today I stumbled across a £20 note i'd forgotten about. It was just lying under an envelope. I picked the envelope up and their it was in all its glory. Now this would never ever happen when I was gambling. If I had no money I really had NO money!

This is day 3 without going for a run, am getting itchy feet but this cold lingers and I don't fancy running in the rain with a cold.. but tomorrow I must run at all costs. I can't start to lose fitness in the run up to the marathon.

Playing snooker tonight with a mate. No gambling... thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂

S.A

fella glad to see the rewards keep coming.

I hope the cold is on the way out. Had a vision of Mr. Sneeze lol. In running shorts of course.

Take it easy on yourself.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Day 147... cheers Duncs 🙂

I opened the curtains this morning and saw that it wasn't raining and I thought, "its long run time!" Then I came to my senses and reluctantly accepted that I wasn't well enough for a 2 hour run. I did go down the gym though.

I managed 5 miles on tread mill but I it took me 45 minutes and I was f****d after. I was sweating so much that the attractive young lady next to me stopped abruptly and exited stage left. I thought all women enjoy male sweat raining down on them. 😉

Clearly my immune system is fighting off some virus or bug or something so am glad I didn't attempt the sacred Sunday long run. Anyway on the way home from gym I had a sudden craving for banana flavoured milk drink. Ive just drank a litre of it and it was delicious.

As for gambling well am still to be tested in this latest gamble free period. My mate is gambling pretty heavy at the moment and not paying his rent contribution for his council flat. I says to him they will evict you eventually but at the moment he doesn't seem bothered. Am just glad am not in his shoes.

Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂

Hi SA

Great to see those days clocking up! Although it's not really about the number, it must still feel good.

I like reading your thoughts, and your take on things, as I think although you are a sensitive soul like myself, we struggle with different areas of sensitivity/insecurity etc. It's like the best of both worlds, because when you comment on something I am struggling with for example, it is from a sensitive thoughtful viewpoint, but more rational and measured because it's not something you would personally feel stressed by - if that makes sense! When you spoke about your pal gambling away into rent arrears, I felt very envious that you can feel concern without feeling you have to do anything. It's his problem, and his responsibility. I would like to feel more like that! You still care, but you don't worry for him, or try to get him to change.

It must be frustrating not being able to do the runs you want with your cold being bad. I know you get a lot out of training, and it's a big part of who you are. I had a really bad cold recently, and felt irritated that I couldn't get on with much, but it must be so much worse for yourself. Hopefully it will lift soon enough, and you can be back pounding the banks of the canal!

Take care,

f x