Hope

Hey SA,

Fantastic achievement on g free time as well as your impressive running. Keep both up. Glad to read you are marching forward, peace to you my friend, things can only can better 🙂 b proud!!!

Have a lovely Sunday

Take care

S x

Hi SA,

Like Lazarus said, working in this way isn't all going to be steady and straightforward, but like you saw the good days are with you soon enough.

If you can run 14 miles, any chance you could piggyback me to and from work? It's only about 2 miles ;-).

Edit - Council Tax bill just popped through for me too, those generous folks only raised it by 5%...a week after sending out flyers on how many black bags you can put out each fortnight.

Hope the week goes well for you,

Ryan

Day 484 gambling free.. and thanks everyone!

Still here posting most days. My view is that if it works why change. That's what I think today anyway.

I got a call to work in the school this morning with next to no time to get there. Cycled like a loon I did and had a good days work. My fitness levels just getting better and better.

No thoughts of a gamble. I stepped off that emotional rollercoaster some time ago... thank f**k for that! 🙂

Thanks for listening... S.A

Day 486 gambling free.

Over 16 months without a gambling of any kind. Day at a time still working very well for me. It also fits well with doing agency work, cos you never know what your going to be doing from day to day. Am working Monday to Thursday this week.. suits me just fine.

Am feeling ok. These anti-depressants really have kicked in. Am feeling on a level, almost normal whatever normal is. It makes me think that there really is/was something not quite right with my brain.. dodgy wiring or a shortage or to much of something. I should have gone on these years ago. I reckon ive been depressed all my adult life (no joke).

Thoughts of a gamble are way over the horizon today, so that's good. What is not so good is that my friend is back to gambling all his money away as soon as he gets it. I guess I am part of his cycle of problem gambling now, cos I always make sure his rent contribution is paid (his money) but I pay it online at 6 a.m the day it goes in to his bank account and before he can get his mits on it... and then he comes to mine for tea when his cupboards are bare. In a way its excellent medicine for me. I have been in his shoes and seeing him as he is now is a reality that is quite humiliating and something I never want to return to.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Hi

I've been coming back and forth to this site for a few years and your diary has been ever present on the first few pages. I really admire your resolve and hope I can keep posting for even half as long as you have.

Visiting here regularly is a constant reminder of the damage gambling can do. I really hope I don't go back. So thanks again for being a good example of what dedication to your recovery can do. I wish you happy things and thoughts and look forward to reading your future posts.

Hey SA,

Really nice and uplifting post to read, I am right behind you dear soldier, keep it up, stay strong and enjoy every minute of your every day life.

Absolutely great stuff on g free time...keep on keeping on 🙂

Take care and b proud !!!

S x

It's really good to hear things are going well for you SA, you thoroughly deserve it for both your courage and determination to seek change. Plus you're really good to your friend, he's your medicine but also your his, maybe one day he'll see it can be done and follow your path. Who knows? Chances are he won't because many try, few succeed.

The anti depressants sound ace, it's a miracle what Doctors can do nowadays. I read in Nature magazine that they've discovered a new benefit from taking them (in mice anyway). Not only do they inhibit the serotonin and stop you feeling lousy, we've always known this but they encourage growth and connectivity in new receptive neurones only seen in adolescents and teenagers. In a nutshell it means there is a possibility that you'll rethink and see the world in a sort of 'fresher' way and not in a blinkered, anxious ridden through years of experience way, we all tend to do when we get to a certain age. Again, sounds ace, if what they speculate is true. With this, the fact that you left a highly stressful job, found a new one with limitless opportunity, and of course with Spring in the air, you must be buzzing. No wonder your times are getting faster and you're feeling stronger. As I said earlier, you deserve it.

Must go, bus due, you were right, it is stinky at times. There is a man I try to avoid who has a coat which smells like a wet dog, at least it's not cat pee.

Take care

Laz

Hi SA,

Reading your post from Wednesday, the middle paragraph about the wiring of the brain is something that I have been thinking about over the last days too. A friend of mine who is a doctor told me that I should try anti-depressants, but I've always been worried about it and never wanted to go down that route.

Anyway, hope you're enjoying your day off work today, and the weather with you is as good as it is in West Wales today - I'm sure it makes cycling or running much better than rain!

Ryan

Hi SA

Smiling as I read that things are going well for you- well done! You've been a true inspiration throughout for me- your diary is so honest (thanks for sharing).

Wishing you all the best,

take care

Irene

x

Oh, I'm day 495 I think 🙂

Day 490 otherwise known as 70 weeks without a penny gambled. Thank you everyone.

Just waiting for a break in the weather so I can go out for my Sunday run. I don't mind running in the rain but I don't like starting running in the rain if ya see what I mean. Sunshine and showers is the order of the day and I wait for a bit of sunshine.

In days past I'd of got up and gone into the city and spent the whole day (or until I ran out of money) standing in front of machines winning and losing and winning and losing and getting sweaty and dehydrated and getting eye strain and getting aching thigh muscles from standing in the same position for so long and panicking inside as the money dwindled away (but trying not to show it) and then the walk of shame the walk of despair the walk of helplessness the walk of worry the glazed look the sad and sorry look the inner turmoil the disconnection with the world around me the suicidal ideation, sitting down, head in hands, not again, not again....

Not anymore. Still day at a time.

Thanks for listening... S.A

S.A.

Amazing post buddy. Seventy weeks non-gambling is some achievement. I loved your run down of how you used to feel on long gambling days. While reading that I thought of the many times I walked out of the bookies after losing all my money and sitting in my car staring at myself in the mirror in total silence trying to understand what the hell just happened.

Tomso.

Day 493 gambling free and thanks Tomso.

Am feeling a bit stressed about things but am basically ok. Am just over tired I think. I probably have much to say but today am just checking in gamble free.

Thanks for listening.. S.A

SA

fella just popping by to say well done on your continued abstinence, those 'walks' of shame something I know all too well.

No longer something we have to put ourselves through my friend, all the time we keep making the right choice, for us Abstinence.

I posted on tomso's thread tonight that if nothing else happens in our life, it is ok because to overcome addiction is more than enough.

Be very proud of that

Duncs stepping forward never back.

I didn't have the walk of shame in the same way, but for me it was the eyes that gave me away when I went to work the next day. After gambling from 10pm until 7 or 8am, the black bags under my eyes and the haunted look of the loser were hard to cover. One thing definitely not missed, although I've not quite got the insomnia beaten yet.

Well done, and keep forging that gamble free path ahead of me.

Ryan

Really pleased to see you're still gamble-free! Keep it up - you're a great person and you will be able to build the life you deserve.

Best wishes,

SGN