Hope

Hi SA

Just catching up and happy to read we're still travelling along our chosen paths (albeit you're running/cycling and I'm ambling) but we're where we want to be and that's what matters 🙂

Keep up the fantastic work!

Take care

Irene

x

Hi SA,

A few days on, are you still on the apple and pepper snacks? Wish I had your dedication if you are...maybe in the future, but not yet for me I think. Was catching up on your posts that I've missed, and this line gave me a moment of true joy.

"Drunkenness after and good food. A great day."

Sounds absolutely fantastic, the kind of thing that gambling simply didn't allow us! As you know yourself, it isn't an easy road back from gambling, but it is one that we can walk. Well done on summiting the peak of 600 days, like every good mountaineer, your next peak will be even more dizzying, and an even greater success.

Proud to fight this condition with you,

Ryan

Day 608 with not a penny having been gambled on any form of gambling.

Thanks for your support everybody.

Its been a very tiring and really quite stressful week at work, but ive stuck with it. I made a commitment until the end of term and stuck with it I have. Just two more days in the school next week and then I will be having a much more relaxed time of it work wise. I need ME time I need recovery time. Ive already been booked up for next term. It will mean up at 5 a.m Monday to Friday. Am not sure how long I will be able to hack that for... but I will worry about that nearer the time. Ideally I will find myself work nearer home before winter arrives, but on a positive am well ahead on bills and am gonna see if I can relax and enjoy over the next few weeks and get some decent training in for the marathon in Sept.

Unfortunately Ryan my sticking to healthy snacks was still born. Ive put on some weight in the last few days... o well never mind lol. I think with the end of big lunch time meals at school I will lose a few pounds.

As for gambling... well ive just been too knackered even to contemplate a sneaky gambling session... though it crosses my mind from time to time. At the moment I continue to be stronger than my addiction and I aim to keep it that way.

Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂

Hi SA

How good is that you feel stronger than your addiction

Long may it continue

And very well done on. 608 days that does take some strength and positiveness

Thankyou for showing me it can be done

Be very proud

Suzanne xx

Please don't tell me you are running marathons every day and cycling miles in this heat. I get exhausted walking to the end of my lane.

Just wondering, as I know you mentioned it in the past, whether with money situation better you couldn't get an old banger like mine for work to allow you to leave a bit later and be in the warm this winter as I know just how exhausting your work can be.

Hope you have a really restive chill out in next few weeks you really deserve it.

xxx

Evening S.A,

I was just taking my evening stroll through the diaries and thought I might drop by. I totally get how draining the work is. Been there myself and we all have to know what our limits are. Sounds like you are on an even keel for now. Long may it last!! Here's a hug just for being you. (((((S.A))))) -joanxxx

Day 612 gambling free. Not a penny gambled on any form of gambling. I often feel the need to state this. Deep down I don't really think I can keep this not gambling lark going for a life time and the only way I do keep it going is by staying in the day only. Just for today only.

I felt a sense of euphoria this morning having survived the whole term at school which finished yesterday. Its been hard work and has taken its toll psychologically. Ive coped in the sense that I haven't gambled but in all honesty my mental health hasn't been that good.

Some things that I do to escape myself include: keeping myself physically and mentally knackered (its like what fool runs 14 to 17.5 miles in the warm sunshine after a hard weeks work), binge eating (need I say more), satisfying certain needs through the seedy side of the internet (single men living alone will understand.. I feel a bit ashamed even mentioning this one) and finally picking at my wounds.... yuk!

This last one is something I often see at work. People with disabilities picking at wounds and spots and enjoying the sensation that it brings. Often its to do with boredom and needs unmet so they then turn inwards and focus the detail of their skin. It happens in the mental health field as well. I do it too sometimes. I had a sore patch (irritation from running) but I kept picking and scratching it and it took ages to heal. Its all kind of like self-wounding. I don't do it when I feel in balance in life but I do when am a bit f****d.

Anyway, an open and honest post today. I may delete it but probably not.

The sun is shining. Today is a good day. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hey SA,

Thank you for your post and support. Great to see you on even keel and marching on. Really impressive achievement on gamble free days so keep it up!!

Keeping busy does really help to fight this addiction, but on the other hand being overally busy brings tiredness and mixed emotions. Plenty of rest is essential and I hope you find that time

Ok, I think you are in a good place with yourself and more good things are on the way. It is so true saying that you don't know what's round the corner...unknown indeed but worth looking at.

Talking about relationships, I met up with my ex not long ago. And I have to say - "ex" is for a reason lol. Caput, past and end off lol. It is funny than feelings takes over and you think that "oh yea, this time can be different" even if all possible bells and whistles screams at you do not go bk there lol. I am still in a process to let go and move on. Life is to be lived out there and surely with more happy memories to create.

Get out there SA, embrace the unknown, find that part in your life to complete the jigsaw and reap the benefits. It is out there and you are more than worth it in your life. We all are and im on the same pursuit in this life.

Feel like rambling, but at least not gambling 🙂

Take a good care of yourself and keep it up!!

Thanx for reading 🙂

S x

Glad you didn't delete that post. It's a normal and honest account of someone who is doing great, but still struggling in some areas of life. I personally think it's really positive and healthy to fully acknowledge and accept that part of us that's a bit dysfunctional and trying to soothe itself the best way it can. We all have habits, issues etc that we'd rather pretend weren't part of us, but it's good to normalize this out and accept ourselves completely - every aspect of ourselves. I mean, lets face it - some people need to wear adult nappies, be suspended upside down, and beaten black and blue to keep that dysfunctional voice inside happy and content 😉

Picking at scabs and wounds is a really common anxiety/stress "leakage" behaviour as I'm sure you'll already know. It makes a lot of sense, really. I pick at the skin around my thumbs when I'm stressed, and at times they are a right old sight! all scabby and peeling.

I can relate to having a side of life on the back burner, even though you know deep down it isn't ideal. For me it's the social side of life. Terrifies me. It takes a lot for me to push through and get myself "out there". I've made some inroads though, and try not to beat myself up too much, and acknowledge the successes when they come. I'm compassionate toward myself and know how scary it is to push through, so have a lot of respect for myself when I do manage to.

I guess it must be similar for you with the romantic side of life. Be realistic and set small manageable goals. Speed dating is a great way of practising, without throwing yourself in both feet first. It's not too heavy, and can be the source of amusing anecdotes even if you don't meet anyone who takes your fancy. Until then, as for many of us - women included(!), the internet is very convenient for meeting certain needs until we are in more of a position to give that area of our lives more attention.

Anyways, just loving that post for it's honesty and self-awareness. maybe once you've had a chance to recharge your batteries, you can make plans to find new ways to support yourself in areas you have been struggling in. Hard to get your constructive, forward-thinking head on when you are knackered!

Take care, and keep on posting. All of it - the good, bad and ugly

f x

Hi SA

What an honest post from a normal lady living in the real world

It beats the false nasty world of compulsive gambling any day

Take care

Suzanne xx

SA

Fella your recovery is testament to the totally honest approach you have towards life.

For it I thank you,I learn a great deal.

I hope it serves as equally good therapy to you,you deserve to be rewarded for the huge effort

Keep doing what works for you

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Day 613 gambling free.

Bless you all for your thoughts, thanks 😉

I feeling better today. I was very much in the land of depression and feeling sorry for myself yesterday. Spent much of the day lying in bed.

Today is a new day. Ive been out for what was supposed to be a short run, due to hot sunny conditions but ended up doing 12 miles and despite a slight pulled muscle I feel fine.

It feels lovely not to be at work today and I think yesterday was my body and minds reaction to several consecutive weeks of physical and especially mental stress.

No gambling thoughts. I going pub later for a few cold ones in the warm sunshine.

Thanks again everyone. The forums are a great place to get ones thoughts out whatever they maybe

Happy days... S.A 🙂

Cold ones sound lovely, hope you enjoy yourself tonight, letting your hair down and being able to let go is vital to helping you stay focused on everything else. I often feel like a fizzy bottle that has been shaken, and I know when the lid is opened it'll fizz everywhere, so I leave the lid on and ignore it. Eventually that takes its toll to, so get it all out by writing on here, and de-stress with a beer or two.

I know all about the problems you described in yesterday's posts, I don't think the cycle between depression and optimism will completely stop in me, but when I'm balanced and not stressed, it is a much slower and less violent cycle.

Have a good weekend, hope the hangover isn't too bad tomorrow. And yes, running 12 miles in hot sun is slightly mad!

Ryan

SA

fella glad to read you lanced the boil so to speak yesterday.

Your recovery is in my eyes worth so much more than anything gambling could offer in return for you gifting it to it.

Keep making the right choice

Enjoy those cold ones

You earned them

Duncs stepping forward never back

Day 615 gambling free... and thanks all 🙂

Gel Kayano 20 running trainers are the devils running trainer! Twice now ive been out for a run and got pins n needles and pain in my foot. The d**n things cost me 100 and they are pants... not enough support, they can't cope with road running... Am going back to my old trainers Vapour 10's... the angels are carrying them over to me as I type... 😉

Went with my mate yesterday to B n Q.. the council when they rewired my flat were kind enough to give me some vouchers for decorating flat... so now I got a bunch of stuff. Time to do some decorating while ive got some free time.

The gambling devil likes it when ive got too much free time so I need to find a balance between doing not a lot and doing constructive stuff.

Some worries in my thoughts about the whole work situation, but gambling won't solve anything. Gambling really did mess my life up something chronic. Onwards and forwards to better times

Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂