Hope

Hi S.A,

The last 2 years or so of my journey has been riddled with gambling blips and stints. It aint easy. I really do believe however with every cell of my being that with each new day comes an opportunity to begin again. What gets in my way from time to time is the guilt and shame that often goes along with a stint. I have recently figured out how to forgive myself and to show myself the same compassion and caring when I am not at my best. Not just the words or going through the motions but, really, reaching inside and giving myself a hug and a lift up. You do that for so many others S.A. My hope for you is for you to be able to show yourself the same compassion you give so freely to those folks you work with. Until then know that I will never ever give up on you. (((((((S.A))))))) -joanxxxx

Bless you all, thank you. Pleased to say that no gambling since my last entry.

I am a little calmer today and perhaps yes being a little kinder to myself. I have just been for a run. I had expected it to not go well but in the end I really enjoyed it...including running up the hill to Asda at the end. I suppose that although ive been riddled with stress the last few days my legs have had a chance to rest and they were full of energy. I think I was kind to myself in that the temptation to push on and do a very long run passed and i stopped at 7 miles. To do more would have ment tiredness and fatigue tomorrow and tomorrow am back to my getting up at 5 and starting work at 7 after a long cycle.

I am nervous, I have very little money. I need to cope. I need to not get a puncture. I need not to get ill or break a leg. I need it not to ice and snow for the next few weeks. I need to work hard and earn money and live normally. I need to once more climb back to stability. But most of all i need not to gamble.

Just for today I choose not to gamble.

Thanks for listening... S.A

SA

Fella glad to read your standing the right side of the revolving door again

Well you kind of smashed through it on that sprint up the hill!! on which note you tire me out reading lol.

Seriously it is great to have you back in the fold,I hope you take as much as you gift.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi SA, you know my friend reading your post this morning really gave me that nudge to drag my backside outside and pick my running up where i left it. And i left it 4 weeks ago...remembering last year and my recovery, exercise was something what ticked many boxes in my mental and physical wellbeing. Great to see you being kinder to yourself, there is no point of beating ourselves up for the past..i know it's easier said than done, but reality is we need to love ourselves even if we have some shortcomings present. Keep up the positivity and keep making the right choice. Take it easy on a way to and back from work. It is dark on both occasions and you need to take extra care cycling. I wish you well, i wish you all the best going forward and always remember i am here and fighting alongside you. Take care and thanks for listening. Sandra x

Thanks guys and gals... pleased to report no gambling since my last entry.

A tough day once again. I was sitting in the bath at 4.50 this morning, head in hands, feeling very sorry for myself... in classic "compulsive gambler done his money" style. The thought of going to work was proving unbearable, but go to work i must and go to work i did. As it turned out the gods were with me as i had a relatively stress free day and the cycle in the cool but dry weather was lovely. Unsurprsingly I am now experiencing vaguely positive feelings, especially now that I have earn't a days money and have started my journey back from the financial precipice. A long way to go of course but a day at a time I can start to recover.

Keeping my self busy at work and exercise help me to not gamble. Thanks for listening... S.A

Hi SA

Good to read you are taking strong baby steps forwards, well done.

Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne.

Pleased to report that no gambling since my last entry.

The gods have been with me once more. Another relatively stress free day and whilst i was expecting to get a real soaking on the way home, it didn't happen, it stayed dry. Another days money earn't and another baby step on my financial recovery. Psychologically I am hanging on in there.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Dear diary,

No gambling since my last entry.

Pleased to have got the first week after my gambling binges out the way. I dug myself a deep hole, very quickly and am still in a bit of disbelief that I did it yet again but I am now digging myself out of my deep hole.... shovel by shovel. Thats what we do as adults isn't it, take responsibility for our own actions. Thats what I am doing.

On a lighter note am actually doing a bit of socialising this weekend. So lets see what comes of that.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Hi SA,

Well done on one week of winning, I hope you have a great time socialising , Enjoy it.

Suzanne xx

Hey SA, oohh love the pic!! To be honest you come the closest in shot as i have imagined lol. ..had few surprises putting face to the soul on here 🙂 good to see you going strong, keep shoveling my friend, that's all we can do. Upwards and onwards, stay kind to you...have a lovely time socialising and have that cold one on me since i am a quiet mouse stuck in the house lol...just for now 🙂 ..take care. S x

Hi Sandra... thanks, and ya looking mighty fine yourself, if ya don't mind me saying 😉 Its nice that folk are starting to put piccies up. Puts a human face on life. We are all normal looking, no devils horns. Just goes to show how gambling addiction affects anybody and potentially everybody.

A few thoughts of gambling last night. They stayed as thoughts and today they have gone. I want change in my life.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Hey SA. Thoughts are only thoughts, accept them and then just carry on with your day. You will change your life around my friend, patience, belief and determination will get you there. Keep up good work and stay safe. Be kind to you. S x

Drunk, gambled online. Never again. Day 0... f**k me, really is rock bottom now. Time to bring this insanity to an end. It started in august after a long stretch off it and ive just been falling ever since. Time to have a cry and then go to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day.

S.A.

I feel for you buddie. I know you are going through a tough time because I have been there. All I can say is that I hope things can turn around for you. Today is the best day to start again on the road to recovery. You know the drill - the days add up quickly. Your determination to never give up is inspiring.

Tomso.

SA

Fella we walk side by side on this journey,over the past 33 months my friend you have given a great deal to this forum,time to take something back.

Put those barriers back in place SA

Have a good cry,there is no shame in that,f**k beat yourself up if it will help,you will get back in the saddle.

My friend I will be here to top that glass back up,along with some awesome folk.

One minute,one hour,one day at a time the war will be won.

We all lose the odd battle,for you no where near as many as you have won.

From that take heart

Duncs stepping forward never back