Hope

Hi SA..just coming by. Am not sure what to say, but i just come by to offer my support. I can honestly say i know how you must feel now. Getting back up from the slip is hell. Read somewhere that you need to pass 90 days stopped to truly get your strength back..it is great to feel on the "up" one day..but the devil is just too close to shake it off completely...as you are aware running really helped me to get my head sorted for a good while. Doing something to feel better and distract myself from destructive thoughts..haven't done that for ages now. Have you? Do i feel strong in my recovery? Nah...i don't. ..since July. Not sure if need "something" different to kick it once and for all or try to approach this habit as i did before. I don't know, i am tired of looking for answers. Just have to go with a flow...one day at a time of course. I wish i could take your pain away..i can't and nobody can at this precise minute...being kind to yourself would be a good start, not easy..but possible. You have come a long way, few slips and trips on a way is f**k all compare of how far you have come. As annoying as it is, we cannot change the past. What about some blocks on computer my friend? Little things helps to paint a big picture. I know you will not give up and hand on heart i won't be leaving your side for a spare minute. Try to sleep and rest now...forgive yourself for the shortcomings. .hell, we are not made of stone..we got something more important than that. We don't need to look strong to feel the same inside...we are human man..stay safe and am blessed for this opportunity to walk the walk alongside you. ((((SA)))) xx

Just phoned the samaritans... wasn't actually able to speak.

I am such a weak huamn being.

Dear god........ plaese make this the end. I really cant take anymore

ok good night... am gonna get a grip

Fella my number is here if it would help.

Unconditionally.

f**k I just totally lost it when the site just crashed!

Please look after yourself

Duncan

Here listening as always.

Please speak to us on here if you cant manage the samaritans call or talk to Duncs, he is such a good listener and maybe that is just what you need right now.

Your humour kept me going many a time in the early days, you have such a kind caring nature so please dont give up now.

Wishing you strength and will be thinking of you.

xxx

God d**n crashing site!!..phew..my friend, SA, echoing all the others...we are here..always. please stay safe and keep connected. My phone is here if you need someone to talk to, cant promise perfect accent but will listen for sure 🙂 look after yourself Xx

Hi SA,

Man, I'm sorry to read about your gambling this weekend, it is something that never really leaves us, and the threat is always there, although it comes and goes. You know that gambling isn't the end of anything, you will push through where you are now, and you will find your path back to the more balanced times that you had been enjoying.

As for weakness, look at the strength you showed to go for so long without gambling, you are strong and tough enough to beat this. You will survive it my friend, let me know if there's any help or support I can offer.

Thoughts with you tonight, hope you can find some rest tonight.

Ryan

Bless you folks am sober now... very tired but sober.

Yesterday was a real bad day.

Today is a new day.

This fool will recover.

Once again thankyou for your support... S.A

Hi SA,

Am so pleased to read you are recovering from yesterday and starting a new day with the determination that comes through your posts.

Hold your head up high, and be very proud because you are not giving up on giving up.

Take care and stay safe

Suzanne xx

Morning S.A,

It's so great to be able to put faces to souls as our good friend Sandra would say. You know, I don't know if I have anything wise or worthwhile to share here. I too have been in a terrible spiral, sucking vortex, black hole, all of the above for the last few weeks. The bit going on between my brother and me over the ongoing care of our aging mom. ( yeah, we do say mom and I got such a kick out of your last note because I could picture you saying mom instead of mum. lol ) Anyway, we are all here for the very same reason my friend. We fly high for a time. Come crashing down. Realize that it is balance we need maybe not what we crave. We are all afterall only human as K.D. Lang once sang, "constantly craving"... So, in a position to be constantly searching and reaching to be better people. Yes, you are going to be okay. You are going to get back up. You never stop trying. You continue to persevere with humility and grace and that is why I have come to hold you in such high regard my friend. ((((((S.A))))))) -joan

Hi SA,

Yes, today is a new day and I hope you're being kind to yourself. Keep shoveling the S***e life keeps throwing at you, you are worth peace, happiness and harmony..as our lovely Joan says, you will get back up and you will carry on with all your strength. Soldier on his own is never a soldier, that's why the army will always stay close alongside you. Always my friend

Take care

S x

S.A

Not posted to you for a while but have kept track of your diary , I find many similarities with our recoveries the main one both been on our own and sometimes I know how tough that can be , myself in recovery 3 years and in that time have relapsed well it must be around 5 to 6 times in truth I don't keep track now , I have a level of acceptance now of who I am and what can happen with gambling , in the early days I used to live in fear of relapse and life wasn't enjoyable , over the years like yourself we have learned from our mistakes and built an armour around us to help us to be equipped when life is not so great and gambling plays a part again , only now we can draw from our experiences put that armour on and not let it break us

You are strong and much stronger than you think right now this is a awful addiction we are dealing with , in the years we have been on this forum compare the successes to the diaries that are given up after one post I can only think of an handful compared to the hundreds and hundreds that have started and not finished presumably succumbed back to the evil addiction not ready to face the fight of their life , you like many others on this forum right now are not one of them you have shown fighting spirit supported many along your journey , a journey you should be proud you are making

Where it will all end I don't know all I do know is we have to keep fighting the fight we can't let gambling beat us even if we can't beat it , at times like this we need to unite and and support and you have plenty of that , stay strong and continue making full use of your diary , the support will always be here for you just like you have supported many over the years

That's what makes this site work and long may it continue

Castle2

Hi S.A.

Like others before me, I am sorry to read of your recent troubles.

I hope today has been better for you and some sense of normality and clarity has returned. You have put so much effort in over the years to keep this terrible affliction at bay. I think you are probably a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. You've had a challenging period recently but you know what has worked for you in the past to keep the monster at bay.

Maybe have a read through some of your older posts, look at your thoughts when you were firmly in control. Many others, myself included, have taken hope and strength from your words. As Duncs quite rightly said, you've have given an awful lot to this forum and the people on it, time for you to take something back.

Good luck to you S.A.

M

Duplicated post

Sooooossssss

Shiny xx

Yo,

You have been in my thoughts since reading your post , this disease angers me as I am sure it does you . That it can creep up and get you . Finding a weak moment then strikes .

I know that it took me weeks to come to terms with myself after my last blow out . I felt ashamed , I felt worthless , I once again felt sad just because I woke up every day .

Today I suspect that you are not feeling to great about you. Our addiction loves that , rubs its grubby hands in glee. Feels that it has zapped our strength and that makes it easier for the addiction to temp, lure , entise back into the downward spiral.

As addicts we relapse , fact unless you are one of the very very small percentage that manage to go into recovery and end that chapter of their lives. I have yet to meet one . And let's be honest here, even if I do it's not over till the fat lady sings if you get my drift .

So what's makes us different that your average cg , who once relapse throws in towel. We keep fighting with all we have .

Everyday we argue with our addiction, most days we win that argument . So on the odd days we don't our self worth disintegrates to nothing , we beat ourselves up , but in doing so forget the 100 to one days we fought it and succeeded .

Many a good person on this site , has walked in the shoes you walk in today , and many of us are lible to walk in them again.

But all that matters , is that today I suceeded at keeping the demons at bay , today can be chalked up as a success , tomorrow well I will do my upmost to suceeded again, that my dear dear friend is all we have .

Be kind to yourself please remember the successes coz they prove that you battle this with every thing you can, and that is all we can do .

Shiny xx