Hope

Evening fella.

Your post reminded me of a way a fella talked of addiction in the GA room.

He talked of two monkeys, one great big bully of a monkey, the one that took control,egged him on,made promises of great wins and with every effort made by the smaller monkey, the rational thinking one the bigger monkey knocked it back, the big monkey stood by until every penny was waged then crept off back to the shadows, that small monkey battered and bruised stays loyal, stands and consoles the fella,tries to see him make sense,to see that there's a different way.

Without funds it was a great idea,that big monkey gone into the shadows the little monkey grew in strength.

In time funds reappear, low and behold the bully returns, throwing it's weight around, singing the same old tune.

The addict confused what does he do,continue to feed the bully? Maybe.

One day that little monkey will stand up and fight back, bullies don't like their own medicine, it will lurk off and look for an easier target.

With that the little monkey grows aside the addict.

Yes the bully creeps about the shadows from time to time it tries it's luck.

The little one stands true, it brings something outstanding, bottom line it brings out the real you.

Fella I think we all have those two monkeys on our backs.

Time to enjoy watching the underdog win.

With great humour in our room one lad took the fable so far he had those two monkeys tattooed on his back!

One way to permanently remind himself, maybe a bridge too far!

Keep making the right choice my friend.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Morning 🙂

You're up, you're reading...Over halfway now then, only 2 to go 🙂 Look @ you smashing this week out of the park...Go S.A. Go 🙂

Thanks.

Am so tired.

Am amazed at what ive done for the last 18 months... cycling, work, cycling, early to bed. No life. Why did I never get a car?

2 more days and then thats it.. am feeling really f****d up

Hi SA,

It's quite funny in a way when we look back at what we have carried on doing lol,

Get some well deep sleep, you are so nearly there now.

Suzanne xxx

You know what I'm gonna say...You're up today so 1 last up tomorrow 🙂

Why did you never get a car? Because you thought you couldn't afford it or maybe just that you didn't deserve it? Maybe you thought by punishing yourself the pain of your life would go away! It hasn't but the end of this week marks an exciting new chapter for you! Please be kind to yourself & do something that you want to do!

Look how strong you are to have gotten through those last 18 months! Can't believe you've done 4 get ups (unofficial maybe but today still counts) already when this week looked like such a challenge...You should be very proud of you!

Couldn't afford it and punishing self sounds pretty much like it.

Today is by far the worst get up. I desparately don't want tpo go in. Can hardly open my eyes. I just want to lie in bed

Deep breaths! You can do it...I know you can!

...open one eye...look at the sealing for 30 secs (yep..count 😉 ) then look around ya...open another eye..repeat this excercise..don't blink for a few seconds and just jump out of bed, but the light on and have a little stretch! Straight to the bathroom, plenty of water (preferably cold) on your face and straight to the kitchen! Kettle on - Coffee/ tea and all mighty breakfast!

Just try it, it won't hurt 😉

I guess you're up now if you read it till the end...if not...well...just says it all about me talking nonsense 🙂

Good morning S.A. and it's time for me to hit the sack :-)))
(Sozzzzzzzzz but i need my sleep too before i tackle another night later on)

Sandra x

Well, I'm safely out of the Congestion zone now so pulled over to suggest some star jumps but yes...What Sandra says, do that! That's a much better idea 🙂

Star jumps! Phhh..what is she thinking SA?
You have your breakfast first 😉

....just get up...it will be the whole lot easier as your foot gets in front of another !

GOOOODDDDD MOOOOOORRNIIINNG !

☺
S x

Don't report us to admin...Dunno wot Coo Coo's excuse is but night shift makes me crazy :-0

20 minutes til the officials see what we knew was a foregone conclusion 😉

LOL... your both funny, in a very nice way 🙂 😉

I got up. I went to work. The school manager says to me "do you want 3 days a week in school in the autumn term... Monday, Tuesday, Friday..through the agency". After a few minutes thinking I caved in and said yes... I thought, well i really don't want to sign on unless i have to. I think 3 days a week will pay my rent. The school manager then says your not especially needed tomorrow, you don't have to come in.. I says thats fine. I says thank you and see you in September.

Anyway at the end of the day I pops into the hr office, just to let them know what ive decided. I gets a stern look. The hr lady says "am pretty sure we can't allow this". Anyway to cut a long story short hr will contact me next week. I don't know for sure but i think the problem is that the school bought me out from the agency to do the temp contract and now to go back to the agency, financially it doesn't make sense for them to do this. I get that. So I might be leaving leaving after all. Or maybe not.

I liken my situation to breaking up with someone. Sometimes your just not sure and feel confused about how you really feel. So you break up, but then get back together, then break up, then get back together but then finally you break up for good. I feels like am going through a process. part of me hopes they will wash there hands of me and the final decison will be taken out of my hands. However I rather think that cos am good with the kids it will be thrown back to me again for the final "am I coming back or not" decision.

Tomorrow I get to lie in bed...and lie in bed I will.

My so called friend is passing judgement on me via text message. Pointing out my shortcomings. Am supposedly off to manchester next week for a few days, staying with him at his mums and helping him take his mother out etc, she has become quite disabled. He then insisted that he pay for my flight down south whereupon I am going to see my family, he not going. Am not *** by the way. I feel the need to say this. I don't know why I agreed to this... people pleasing or something isn't it.

Anyway i suspect he's goading me to say am not going and then he will claim the moral high ground and say how "ive let him down"... as some people who feel there superior tend to do.

There is a battle going on in my head with the gambling monkey. Its a battle am winning at this moment in time.

I will get back to folks soon enough. But as you can see I need to get much s**t out of my head.

thanks for listening

Hey SA,

The trouble with us is we can't say NO even though underneath we want to, we say yes to so much stuff we don't/ or didn't want to do, and then to escape from our wrong decisions, that escape to gambling creeps in, I am getting there and so are you, as dear coo coo says not perfected yet, but definitely progressing.

Totally relate to you as always, thank goodness I am not the only one who says yes when I am screaming ohh NO, not again.

I am working on mine, but it is still hard lol, but I will get there and so will you, enjoy your lie in.

Suzanne xxx

Not sure what you read out of the conversation with the school but that was a massive pat on the back from them if you ask me! Awesome...Nice one 🙂

I know you don't like waiting but since you are not wanting to do it, you hold the cards really! This may be a fall back if you don't manage to find something a little less stressful in the next few weeks which you must start looking for - after your well deserved lie in, of course 🙂

Friends shouldn't judge each other but if he's battling an addiction too he won't mind stamping on you to get the moral high ground! You have to dig deep (the strength is inside you) & stand up to him! Let him accuse you of letting him down (you know the truth), if he's like that, he'll find a way to put you down anyway 🙁

Do NOT let the gambling monkey persuade you he is your friend...He's s**m & will only hurt you!

You are stronger than you realise...It's time to start doing things for you - ODAAT