Hope

Another raport coming through ☺

10 miles - 1hr 12min. Not too bad me thinks huh, bearing in mind i did it with the most horrible head banging hangover ever lol

Hell SA, tell ya what, alcoholics life is no better than gamblers! But gotta live them both lol..laughing cause else i will cry 😀

Hope you're well & having lovely and not too spooky Halloween eve ☺ 😉

S x

Hey thanks folks :-)... and pleased to report that no gambling since my last post. Two months clean today. Two months since I put about £8 into a slot machine whilst on way to a G.A meeting. That £8 loss ment that I could not contribute financially to the meeting or have a quick beer and bite to eat afterwards with some of the regulars, but perhaps more important it was another kick in the teeth to my self-belief and self-confidence. I was once more on the edge of tears.

Things have changed remarkably quickly in the last two months. I am once more back to my normal self, living normally and feeling ok. I even broke out into a smile yesterday for no particular reason other than i felt in balance with myself and the world around me.

Sandra.... your running is going from strength to strength. To run 10 miles at just over 7 minutes per mile is just awesome.. well done.

Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Lovely positive post SA,

Keep smiling and keep positive, OAUs

Suzanne xxx

Thanks Suzanne and pleased to report that no gambling since my last post.

Today kind of justifys my decision to work part-time at the school. Today was very challenging and I am mentally and physically exhausted. But I am not back at the school until Monday. I will recover.

Am reminded of how my addiction has been, particualrly over the last 18 months. Periods of high stress and exhaustion followed by a gambling binge or three. Every 3 months or so I would break out again. I don't intend to make the same mistakes again.

What money I earn is well earn't and I will not fritter it away in a few hours gambling. I deserve much better than that.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Can totally relate to what you mean about gambling after working long stressful hours SA, to escape, because we were too tired and stressed to do anything else, it got us through our stressful jobs, how ridiculous was that, we were near on killing ourselves at work, to just feed our addiction:(((.

You don't need that now you are doing less hours, like me, there is no panic feelings now for a quick fix, as we do get real me time now to unwind, and even though working part time is less money, we are better off all round, (with the money too lol because we are not feeding it to Mr G) :)))

Keep going and keep positive,you are levelling out:)) and you are on the right track.

Suzanne xxx

I found myself thinking about my day at the school on Wednesday and what happened and how dangerous the situation was and what could have happened. Got myself wound up and thought about gambling instead. Betfilter is a godsend. I think I would be gambling now if I had the access. Will power only gets me so far.

Well there we go, first urge to gamble in the last 66 days. A run in the rain perhaps.

Thanks for listening... S.A

SA

Fella glad to see that putting the right things in place are gifting you the ability to make those choices as a result.

Addiction runs right through us, it really does use every situation to regain control, to take all we offer and then it lurks off until it can gain fresh opportunity.

Funny because your thread for me really does dispel any belief that gambling addiction doesn't exist.

Look at the actions addiction compels you to commit, I gguess to any other person other than an addict they must be unthinkable.

But I wholly relate to every word.

I am not by any means justifying those actions today I simply understand them.

Keep looking after yourself

Start by donning a proper coat if you're out in that rain! !!!!

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Thanks Dunc's and very pleased to report that NO gambling since my last post! 🙂

In the end I distracted myself from my wayward thoughts by doing a couple of these tedious online courses for work. They took just enuff concentration to stop myself thinking about gambling and by the time i'd finished doing them the urge to gamble had well and trully passed.

I did well. I allowed the urge to pass. Historically I haven't been very good at that. Many a time ive felt the need to gamble and ive just gambled with no thought whatsoever for the consequnces.

As I have been reading elsewhere on the forum. The addict so easilly forgets. I forget what it feels like to gamble all my money away. I forget the horrible feelings of selfloathing. I forget the panick of "how on earth am I going to pay for this, that and the other. Keeping in touch with the consequnces of gambling "when it matters" is not easy. I just forget and convince myself that this time will be different.

Anyway this time was different. NO GAMBLING !!

Thanks for listening... S.A

Hey SA!

Thanks for touching the base the other day...

Now...Monday upon us...

Time for a run?

Passing over some motivation dear friend 😉 (tip top my class :-D)

https://youtu.be/7dP5EKg2jPc

Keep up good work & keep on running ☺

S x

Great to see you keeping strong and focused SA,

Well,done friend,

Suzanne xxx

Day 74 gambling free

Am not particularly strong and focussed at the moment Suzanne BUT I am protected by my barriers. In truth I have been playing slots for free online knowing that my blocking software will prevent me from playing for real money... which it does! cos i tried!!

Its a strange addiction for sure because I went for 9 weeks or so without a sniff of an urge to gamble and feeling content with my lot and then literally overnight I started having urges again. I wonder whether its the impact of coming off the anti-depressants. Ive been feeling really wierd and my short term memory is really bad. Am struggling to remember peoples names and then I did this shift yesterday and someone asked me which school I worked at in my other job and i couldn't remember... I just couldn't remember. It sent me into a bit of a panic it did. I remembered when the pressure of the moment had passed.

My gut feeling is that I need to be on something long term... those anti-d's really did work... or maybe am just kidding myself, finding excuses for my recent behaviour with the online slots. Answers on a postcard.

Anyway the bottom line is that I haven't gambled a single penny on any form of gambling for the last 74 days.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Day 75 gambling free

Yes for sure GT. I am a little annoyed with myself for allowing myself to zone out to the slots, even if it was pretend money. The bottom line, as always, is that I cannot win because i cannot stop. I need a few more hobbies for when i get bored and restless.

Am thinking of buying a guitar. My neighbour says that he will help get me started with the basics.

I just been out for a run in the wind. hard going it was, but hopefully I will have burnt off a little blubber.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Free games keep that addiction topped up SA, thank goodness your triangle is broken,

Keep strong and keep safe,

Suzanne xxx

Pleased to report that no gambling (with real money) on any form of gambling since my last post.... however I admit that am not embracing recovery at the moment, am just abstaining.

Ive continued to play free slots and its only my blocking software that has prevented me from playing for real money. It seems that my past despair, anguish, self-loathing and self-pity because of my gambling has been well and trully forgotten, even though one of my many rock bottoms was only 3 months ago!

Am just saying it as it is.

All being well I will get back to recovery and working on myself soon enough, but untill that happens I will probably read more than I will write.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Currently in the same frame of mind S.A.

Have embraced and given up for a significant period of time before so telling myself it is achievable and will do it again. Abstaining is enough for now sometimes tho.

Still gf. Reading and resting 🙂