Hope

Thanks for dropping in folks! 🙂

Am sitting here eating a Toblerone, which was destined to a part of a present but the packaging looked a bit tatty so am eating the contents instead 😉 Am trying to psyche myself up to actually wrap said presents the last great hurdle b4 lugging it all to the train station.. trouble is ive got sidetracked by writing on here. lol

In Christmas past i'd of got sidetracked by slot machines of course and everything would have then been a mad panic. Sometimes I bought and wrapped presents at train stations.. thats if I had the money at all. On other occasions i'd drag my bag and me into some city centre arcade to "win" some money b4 getting on the train. Of course i'd win a bit, looooose alot and then miss my train and then when id eventually arrive at my destination all full of excuses about "delays" i'd then pretend to be enjoying the festive season while secretly hoping that i wouldnt be in a position where i'd have to spend any money.. money that i didnt have of course!

Christmas this year is not the nightmare that it has been in the past and this is thanks to not gambling. Anyway am away now but will be back and posting soon enough.. cos writing my thoughts helps me to not gamble and stay not gambling, one day at a time. Cheers to all.. S.A 🙂

Thanks for your message SA,

I know what you mean. Christmas has been hard this year because Im still not working, but hey the people who care wont mind if I havent spent much - and the people who do mind dont matter! lol. I echo your sentiments that it could have been so much worse, I could still be gambling.

Hope you have a great Christmas, and thanks for your valuable input in my recovery thus far. I am counting my blessings today, and you sir are one of them.

Cheers,

f x

Just checking in. Back from family xmas visit. All was fine. Just feeling very tired and run down. No gambling to report.. 580 days since my last bet of any kind. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

s.a 580 days is a fantastic achievement well done. One day at time as they say for me but thats certainly an inspirational figure to aim at. Keep up the posting. Well done

Hi S.A

Just want to congratulate you on 580 days.

Just reading that has giving me a massive lift,(shows it can be done)... huge congrats to you.

Also want to thank-you for taking the time replying to my diary on the many occasions that you have, your support has ment a huge amount ...

I hope to read through your diary (from the start) as soon as i get a spare 2 days lol

Once again well done and thank-you.

Takecare

Hi SA

Wanted to congratulate you m8 on580 days, and ask you a question. I know you have worked your recovery one day at a time. you have also had 2 christmas days gamblefree. Which one is the most satisfactory m8. This is my first one but im hoping to do many more in fact for the rest of my life. Thanks Jeff.

Sincere congratulations SA,

I know we shouldn't get too fixated on the number, and just focus on today - but that is an achievement that you have put a great deal of work into.

Dont know why Im writing about this on your diary, how rude(!), but I have been trying to focus more on the positives lately. I had a lovely chat with an old lady on the bus today. I could tell she was quite surprised that I was so well mannered and talkative. It turns out her daughter had been staying with her for a few days over Christmas but went home today. There was a sadness in her eyes, I could tell she was thinking I'll be alone again when I get home. I like to think I gave her a little lift by making small-talk with her for a few minutes. Thats the sort of thing I need to be focussing on! We can all make good things happen for ourselves - theres just a knack to recognising them when they happen.

Cheers!

f x

Wow.. wasn't expecting such a large response to a short quickly written post.. thanks everyone. Bye the way I don't fanatically count each day.. its just that sometimes I visit problemgamblingguide.com it has a counter .. just put the first gambling free day in and it totals it up. When I do that I then write it in my diary. I am proud of what i have acheived.. it doesnt mean to say that my addiction is dead and buried though.

Had an urge to have a quick gamble on way to visit family for xmas. I had 40 minutes to wait for a change of trains so popped into a platform side pub for a hot chocolate. I sat at table with hot chocolate and looked at my change.. it was 90p.. 3 spins on a fruity of which their were 4 strategically placed arounf the pub. I was quite excited at the idea of gambling said 90p.. I had that thought of "nobody would ever know".. but I would know of course.

I didn't gamble. To be honest I was expecting urges to gamble this time of year. I get them every year. I find it a bit stressful visiting family even though my family are lovely well adjusted people. And perhaps thats it.. I just feel a bit not well adjusted.

No history of addiction in my family.. everyone has led seemingly conscientious lives.. methodically working their chosen professions and and rasing their own families in a responsible and mature fashion. As opposed to moi who spent 15 years and more just gambling and drinking and gambling and drifting and gambling. I guess the family visit just puts it all into sharp focus and I feel sad. I tell myself not to dwell on the past and yet when I was chatting to this chap who is several years younger than me and well on his way to being a Registrar and with gorgeous girlfriend in tow.. its hard not to feel rather inadequate... am sure you get the drift.

Having said all of that I acknowledge my progress. I do not gamble and have not gambled for a long while and objectively my life is alot better than it was. I choose not to be too hard on myself. Like Freda says "we can all make good things happen to ourselves"

Anyway thats me.. rest assured I will be passing through your diaries soon enough though it may take me 2 or 3 days. Thanks for listening.. S.A 🙂

P.s Another day passing gambling free and for that I am trully grateful.

Hi S.A

Glad to see you remaining as strong as ever, you see gambling for what it really is, you really do understand what its all about. I like to read what you have to say...always makes perfect sense....anyway enough a**e licking from me haha, have a great 2010.

Cheers neil.. as always I work my recovery conscientiously. I have to really otherwise i'd be back at it.

Tiring day.. concentrating deeply on stuff at work tires my poor brain cells.. and when am not really feeling very well.. it knocks me sideways. Managed my feelings well enough though.

Went for a sauna this evening and then walked home in the snow.. watched the cars slipping sliding around.. most entertaining when i not the one driving. lol

No gambling thoughts.. another day passing gambling free.. on to the next.. regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

I want to do a reflective post on the year past but am just to done in today. Head feels like a fried egg whatever a fried egg feels like. Perhaps tomorrow.

Another day passes gambling free... S.A 🙂

The below is a copy and paste of what I wrote this time last year.. this year is pretty much the same. I say to myself.. if nothing changes then nothing changes...

"I remind myself of New Years eve's past where ive spent them glued to some machine somewhere.. only to have done my money and then wandered the streets sadly looking at people.. seemingly happy and enjoying themselves.

Ive had some tremendously lonely new years eve's in the past.. but this year although i am on my own I am actually feeling rather content. I shall watch a movie.. text a few friends to wish happy new year and then i shall go to bed and to sleep when the moment feels right." 31st December 08

What has changed of course is an additional 12 months gambling free and for that I am trully grateful.

2010 will be a year of change, be it good, bad or somewhere in between. I am ready for change. I only live once.

Happy New Year everyone 🙂

Morning SA,

Congratulations on a your gamble-free time, a great achievement. With hard work and determination we can move on from the devastation that compulsive gambling brings. Many thanks for all your support this year, I truly hope that 2010 brings everything that you wish for. You deserve it.

Take care,

DT.

Hiya SA,

Happy New Year my friend...And I'm wishing you all good things for 2010.

Love Del x

Thanks D.t and Del and a happy new year!

I did not go out last night so do not have a hangover from hell lol However forgot to switch me phone off so inevitably the phone calls and texts after midnight started. Its amazing how drunk people think that everyone else is drunk as well.. lol

I went for a run yesterday, first time without shin pain for months.. I enjoyed it lots.. all along the local canals. I think am gonna sign myself up for a half-marathon end of March.. I reckon I might be ok by then. I twill need to stay in a hotel the night before so will turn it into a bit of an adventure. As you can see I don't get away much...

Anyway its official 2009 was without gambling, not so much as a lottery ticket. It joins 2007 and 2006 as gambling free years. 2008 and 2005 and 2004 were years of minimal gambling. 2003 2002 2001 2000 1999 1998 were years of daily gambling, uncontrolled financial drain and personal misery. I have come along way and whatever happens this year I am very proud for what i have acheived.

Regards to all who read this... S.A 🙂