Hope

Well i did my half-marathon yesterday and in my my thoughts I was hoping to beat last years time by up to 15 minutes, in reality I beat it by 14 seconds!

But to be honest am not disappointed.. it was pretty warm summer sunshine and somewhere between 10 and 11 miles I hit the "psycholgical wall". In reality I was mega de-hydrated i'd simply not taken on enough fluids. I slowed to a shuffle. Of course i was just plain knackered as well but i do see potential to do a much improved time. A time that I will feel able to write on here!

But anyway an improvement is an improvement. I am proud of my acheivment. Time to sign up for another run. Another goal. Time to re-think my training to.. alot less on the tread mill.. more out in the real world. A final thought to self.. don't put sun cream on.. it gets in my eyes.. wear a cap!

No gambling.. but late last night I did have a bit of an urge if truth be known. My running companions called it a day after a few beers.. but after a wash and brush up I went out again. But not having me buddies there to contunue to chew over the days events and have a laugh with I suddenly felt quite lost and lonely.. cue the gambling thoughts. Fortunately even though I was fairly drunk I was able to recognise what could happen next.. and i simply went home. So all is fine.

Thanks for listening.. S.A

Hmmmmmmph

and there i was feeling good cos i had manged six times round the football pitch (the half sized football pitch at that )

Well done S.A , and in this weather too !!

Tell me (if you want to ) do you run to support a charity, run to run or a bit of both ??

Enjoy this glorious day ..

TC

Kim x

Hi SA,thanks for the post on my diary,and i have read your GA related post on ANL's diary :).....,you make some very valid points,i'm in no way anti GA....,in fact i now use many of the GA fundamentals in my daily life,the sad thing is that i feel i have to use those principles without feeling able to attend my nearest GA meeting and being able to help others (hope that makes some kind of sense).

Seano.

Hi S.A.

Recommend cap. I go rowing, suncream gets in mouth - yuk!

Well done for recognising the symptoms of wanting to gamble and going off home instead. I have never gambled (except lottery syndicate at work 1 in 14 million chance of getting jackpot - was really pleased when organiser changed jobs and I kept my quid a week).

For what it's worth I think of funny stories to cheer myself up when alone. It usually brings a smile to my face. Though not when feeling anxious about gambling hubby.

Well done on your run. Just doing the run is magnificent, 14 seconds more quickly is fantastic. Don't worry about the flat, let the bin bag do the work!

Cage

Hi S.A.

Thank you for your kind words on my diary. Am glad my daily ditties help someone otherthen me. 🙂

Well done you for doing the marathon.

Great achievement and something to be really proud of.

...ok ok..~I know... cg's are rubbish at taking compliments so i wil stop...for now,lol...

I'm glad you are here shain your experiences..

God Bless

Charly/Sabine

Hi s.a,

just wanted to say well done for doing your run and improving your time but evenmore well done for recognising that feeling whenyou were out and going home! Sorry about post spellings etcdont know how to make wgriting bigger and correct spellings on this new thing! I like your honesty about feeling lonely when you go out,as a female oftenin that same situation it makes me realise that some of the menmight not just be arrogant gigs they might just be shy! Lol but seriously 98% of people will quitewillingly have a conversation if you can just hide the shyness for a moment! I am also shy but am learning tohide it! I try to start a conversation instead of waiting for someone to include me it's not always easy but it makes me feel good for trying!! Not so easy once I get home and clam up like shell fish though lol!! You did so well to go as I know the temptation to hide ona machine when a little bit tiddly! Haven't started running yet as had lots of other things to keep the adrenalin going - but have been playing on the wii fit thing! something else for me to become obsessed with I suppose!

Keep up your no gambling resolve it gives you an inner strength to cope with lifes little things!!

Linda x x

Hi,S.A

YEP!!!! spot on with your analogy of GA,i found that to, many times and your right its a shame because these "long-termers" genuinely dont mean any harm but i guess they HAVE seen the light and just want all of us to enjoy the same feeling,cant blame em i suppose.

Its only when you realise and it often gets said by those who "know their stuff" that it does not matter whether you havent bet for 1 day or ten years,WE ARE ALL only 1 day away from a bet,its a good reality check and i like that statement.

Regards,

"" A NEW LIFE ""

Hi SA

Just waned to pop in and say thanks for your post on my diary, nice work on the half marathon.

I remember a while ago when you said on your diary about online dating. did you give it a go? one of my work colleagus showed me her profile on this site and she is having some fum with it...Anyway dont know why im bringing this up, lol....Millions of people use these dating sites tho, so guess you never know what may or may not happen.

take care mate, ands

Hey, well done on your half marathon and an even bigger well done on making that important decision of not giving in to those evil thoughts. They will be around for a while and it's really up to you to make the right choice.

I expect that you are feeling a bit sore around your legs now as it's usually two days after the event when it all kicks in.

Hope you are now already planning the next one and yes, do go out on the pavement more, there must be some lovely routes around where you live. Since I joined the running club, I found out that there was a lovely lake just 5 minutes run from where I live that I did not know about!!!

Well done again!

Hey thanks everybody for your supportive words. Am trying to gear myself up for a mamouth replying session but its just not happening this morning. I seem to be sitting here feeling podgy holding my stomach in and generally feeling frustrated at the state of my flat and my life I spose.

Ive been talked into going to some social club place this evening with a friend. It has a couple of snooker tables and a "sort of" singles evening thing happening next door (whatever that means). Of course me being the recluse that I am doesn't want to go but I will out of a feeling of obilgation. Ive already imagined the scenario in my mind a scenario I have experinced before.

Arrive with friend to "nearly empty" place and pay x amount to join and fill in forms, ideal for indentity theft. Next straight to bar for beer and over priced tokens to play on very worn snooker table. Start playing snooker rubbishly. Next a group of local lads in early 20's arrive and want to play doubles.. we end up doing so. They have own queues and play very well. They drink beer quickly and talk about football and birds. I am mostly silent and play craply and feel very self-concious. They ask questions I don't want to answer (me having obviously different accent from local one) and I fend the questions off. I am feeling uncomfortable. After two frames and more beer we make excuses and move to other place for "singles event thingie". Again its almost empty.. it fills up gradually with local "blokey blokes" and i want to go home but friend wants me to say so i do out of obilgation.

Anyway next some Dj arrives whose been djing since the 60's. Suddenly there is deafening music. I do not know what it is. I am feeling self-concious and a bit drunk. A few local women appear but by this time I am emotionally frazzled and I just want to go home. What the hell am I supposed to say to people anyway when its deafening music. When friend goes to gents I make an exit for the door. I text from bus stop saying sorry i had to leave and then switch phone off.

To be honest am quite light hearted when i write this description but 9 times out of ten I have a cr** time at these sort of things. It was the same on saturday when i ended up in some club against my better judgement. Approaching middle aged bloke with beer just kind of standing there like a right ponker. Its a sad sight really

so why do i do it?? .. well thats what lonely people do i guess.. When i feel bored, lonely or frustrated thats the sort of stuff I find myself doing. I can already hear what people are thinking and may reply with.. well join a club or activity where you have something in common with folks and stuff to talk about and then you might meet someone etc etc and I say yes your right,.. and then do nothing about it cos am basically.... sacred i spose.. frightened of feeling inadequate.. or socially inept

Of course putting a positive slant on things, nowadays I don't gamble but essentially the same ingredients are still their. When it comes to anything like a proper social life (whatever that means) I run for the *** like a frightened mouse. However you'd never fully appreciate that if you were to meet me.. cos I present as a happy and cheerful and intelligent person and am usually well liked. Its just that most of the time I only really feel at peace with myself and trully relaxed when i am in my own company, day dreaming or running or swimming or disappearing into the internet as i am doing now.

If nothing changes then nothing changes. Only I can make positive life changes. I don't want to be here in 2 years times saying the same sort of stuff. Life is not easy ya know. I know i shouldnt be too hard on myself its just that sometimes its not easy to lighten up. But anyway am stable enough in recovery. I choose not to gamble one day at a time.. Thanks for listening.. S.A

Hi SA

Thanks as always for posting on my diary, very kind of you to say....I try my best, when i was gambling i was a s**t dad and i was a complete selfish b*****d!!!

You are certainly too hard on yourself mate, can relate to the loneliness, mine for differet reasons!

Anyway hope you have a good night, try and enjoy yourself!! take care...ands

Hi s.a

this is the second time I have written this so you might find it on someone elses diary too it just got sent somewhere I don't know where!!!!

I work in a very affluent area of London and everyone around me speaks in a lovely manner with a very posh accent. I have got a northampton accent which is likened to a towny and a carrot cruncher so it doesn't help I do understand that! But it's worse if you are

mixing with people who are way beyond your intelligence, I am talking about me now as I don't know

you!! Lol I was talking to a lady at the swimming pool and she told me she had been on maternity leave and

was going back to working at the bar soon. I was thinking weatherspoons or something and asked her

which bar? I now know she meant she was a barrister!! And not just any old one a qc one at that!!! So it

doesn't always work well this overcoming shyness!!

You mentioned you weren't shy but are self conscious,

it's the same I think because both things affect your ability to interact in social occasions and make you retreat inside yourself!

Your description of the singles night was very interesting and I could picture it! I wouldn't dare go to

one of them or speed dating or Internet dating I think lots of people are dishonest in those situations it's better

to come across new aqaintences through a mutual appreciation. That doesn't necessarly mean a hobbie or

club it could just be you meet in a Chinese takeaway!! And you never meet people when your looking they just

appear when your not even thinking about it!! Well that's my opinion but considering what I thought the bar

was it's probably not the best point to listen too!!

Things are on the up though your not gambling and still

managing to hold a pint at your age!! Lol 😉

never give up trying as when you do you have given up!!!

Love linda x x x

Now then mr.s.a good job im not the offensive type lol....i have never been computer literate so im one of those squinty eyed folk posting from an itsy bitsy tiny screen lol..,whilst it can be most frustrating bumping into lamp posts it has saved me from the gutter gambling wise lol....anyways who cares where posts come from ( al do anything to remain bet free ) best wishes on your continued impressive abstinence 😉

Running along a lovely scenery route and getting fit at the same time or sitting in a bar drinking and not really wanting to be there...

...I know which one I'd rather choose! I have learnt to say no when some people ask me to go to a nightclub with them - and I can't stand them! Loud, full of drunks, expensive, etc! There are better things to do than this!

Stay strong, mate

Hello SA,

Just catching up with my reading and realised that I haven't visited/ bugged you recently! lol

So... a catch up, my friend...

CONGRATULATIONS

On your half Marathon... and beating your previous record of time, Excellent SA. I really don't know how you managed it in this heat. I have trouble just walking.

Proud of you, sorting out your injuries and getting into a proper routine and a healthier approach to your running... It certainly paid off 😉

As for 'turning for home' the other night when your warning buzzers were going off... fantastic, self awareness of behaviours is what its all about mate. Good habit to develop(turning for home i mean)

Now, that flat of yours... You done that washing up yet?(says she, who is having a very laid back day!) It wont take long and can be part of a work out session... so put some music on... get off the computer and get started! 😉

Glad you are here ((SA)) You do so much better than you give yourself credit for.

Take care

Jackie (mother hen)

Now... about finding that girlfriend....... Ok... I'll shut up for now... (but may pop around anytime to check on that flat of yours! lol)