how did I end up like this?

Well, as always my pattern starts with a minor re-laps (last weekend which i tried o justify) then today almost a week later i sat drained, tired, angry and hungry in front of a stupid stinking slot machine (surrounded by chav's and old blokes stinking of beer and swearing) stomach churning and feeling sick, then trying to justify my actions. It started with £34 in scratch cards, then went from no joy from the scratch cards to trying to chase what I lost a scratch card binge. Needless to say NONE of this worked. I've been a member on this site for almost a year and a half, I have improved a little bit. I hate the whole gambling indusrty, the greed the adverts on TV, bet now!! bet bet bet!! People dancing on adverts with wine glasses in there hand, stupid 1920s flapper music in the background of the advert, the kerchin of the spins and people smiling with glee.

Turn the radio on on and my sport channel is full of gambling adverts, I hate it. It should show reality of bayliffs at your door , people sobbing in banks having to re-schedule loans and people stealing and lying to cover gambling tracks, for some people family break ups and ending up on the streets.

I lied today and came up with a stupid story to where I was for 2 hours. I'm 40 in December, I never thought by 40 i'd have a pile of emotional and finacial problems, a c**P job, a car that really needs replacing, holes in my work shoes and still living with my mother up to my eyes in dept, PLEASE anyone in the early stages of thinking they have a problem, DON'T be like me, getting about 11 years down the road to find out your life is ruined. Get help!

Minus £180 the roulette machine today, what an idiot, I'm lost for words and out of ideas and I don't think I'll ever stop. Ban slot machines, that would help.

Hi panda, have you tried handing your finances over to your mum? Leave your bank card at home and only take the money you need and no more then that, if you don't have it on you then you can't spend it. Self exclude from the places you go to will help too. 🙂

Have had the urge all weekend to put money in the slot machines but i've managed not to. Instead I have sat reading other peoples posts on this website to help me to know that gambling is not the answer, and a cleverly designed soul sucking machine is definatley not the answer. 29 days since i last felt sick and sad so I'm hoping i can get threw another 29 days. Got a holiday to look forward to in august so thats my focus.

Hi everyone. Done it again and back to zero days since my last gamble. Its time to belive in myself because I have to. I can no longer go on with a pattern of 'self destruct' Today I justified to myself that i could double my last £40 of overdraft money to get me to friday for payday, the crazy thing is i did double my money but i'm sick to the stomach that i caved in. In my head I told myself that I had no choice as £40 was not gonna last me to friday BUT deep down it would of lasted. Im scared of my out of body person that takes over me and puts me in front of a slot machine. i'm so angry that I can not get rid of gambling out my life. Please God let me get to my holiday in the Isle of Wight next month, without the pattern of gambling and having to top up a loan!! Please let there one day be a light at the end of my miserable tunnel, plauged with constant bad luck.

Rant over, will power needed!

Have to disagree with your last sentence.

You've been using willpower and an intact triangle and no external support (counselling, GA) throughout. You are where you are now.

What if anything are you going to differently going forwards?

CW

I've said this before and I'll say it again, that todays rollercoaster 90 minutes involving slot machines was my last.

An amazing sequence of events in that 90 minutes left me gobsmacked.

Please .............everyone who is stuck in a rut by these machines, stop! The bookies are huge chains, able to watch your everymove, fat cats who run them (excutives) reap the rewards of your's and mine's loses by lying on a beach a millon miles away from my and your desprate lives of despair and upset and lies.

If like me the penny needs to drop(parden the pun) that we all need to stop linen the pockets, the punter NEVER wins, yes, you might get lucky, win big, but if your a mug punter like me, you'll be back handing your winnings back to the Director of your chosen chain of Bookies can go and purchase that 2nd home in Miami.

Think of the hurt whilst you draw more money out of your overdraft to chase the loses, for a change, don't be a selfish lier like me and put your Wifes/husbands, partners , your children first.

No more money must go to these greedy High street draining bookies!!

keep your money, and remember you earn or have money to help your life, your future and your well being. You dont get money to be selfish and ruin peoples lifes around you and aswell as your own.

Help others, think about others and put others first before your actions become a point of no return.

Hi POSITIVE panda,

Well done on the 29 days!

You've broken the routine which you have been able to do many times before.

Following on from CW... What are you going to do differently this time to truly commit to recovery and make sure you don't fall of the wagon? On a few occasions I managed to stop for around 20-30 days but always slipped. This time I'm doing things differently.

Have you tried counselling? If you are sceptical about face-to-face, you can do it online if you have access to a PC with a webcam. It's been a massive help for me and might be that piece of the jigsaw that you need to break this vicious cycle.

Contact gamcare, see what happens.

hi tommy, just seen your post there. im on day one of stopping gambling, finally admitting i have a problem and aking the pluge in attempting to break the cycle and stop. any advise for a first time quiter?

Hi Zoe,

You've taken the first important step in coming here.

Next step I'd recommend for now would be to create your own recovery diary. http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forums/recovery-diaries Go to 'New Topic' towards bottom the the page.

Document your story and thoughts and others will offer you advice and guidance along the way in your recovery.

That's some homework for today...

Thank you for your advise. I certainly will give it all I have got.

Well boys and girls, I've failed again today, to say im a tormented soul is a understatement, I've decieded to write off 2016 as another c**P fail of keeping off machines. Im lost for words and so much on my plate at the moment. Roll on 2017 so i can start all over again.

Hi,

Or how about 4th September becomes the start of a new period in your life. 2017 is a long 4 months away and a.lot of damage could be done in that time.

Why not enter 2017 with 100 days plus gamble free.

Best wishes

Sounds like a plan to me, 100 days surely is possible. These slot machines are fixed and will keep been produced until all those week gamblers like me have nothing left to put in!

Well. That's a c**P start to the week, haven't even managed a month away from horrible machines and I've been a total mug and lost £150. Not far off another ending of c**P year. Next year is gonna be just as bad as my good friend and father in law has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and I have redundancys in my workplace and it's quite likely I'm one of the chosen ones to go. So 2017 will just be as worse as this one. I'm 40 in December and I've got nothing to celebrate apart from being a sad, weak, pathetic gambling addict, with no savings, no own home, no pension and possible job loss.