I finally managed to tell her.

Hi I'm paul, you have done the right thing mate my story is sort of same as yours I confessed to my fieonce last week but unlike you I haven't told her how bad I am, she just knows of my last loss, I am going to beat this just seeing her hurt has showed me that I can get rid of this, really wish you the best with this and hope u get the surrport you nee for this

Thanks for the posts.

I have just had a text from my partner saying my sister is also very angry.

I have just cancelled all of my betting accounts. I cut up the credit cards infront of her last night and have been honest with everything. There is no point in doing this if I keep on keeping secrets. She doesn't like the fact that I am in this mess but at least I know I have told her everything now. Hopefully if she doesn't leave me, things will get better and she will learn to trust me again and I expect that to take time.

I just hope I haven't lost her as she is my rock. She is the reason life is worthe living. She is the one I look forward too seeing every second of every day.

So we have sat down, and she is going stick by me. We have sorted out the financial issues and have come up with a plan to pay back the 20k over the next 5 years. It's going to be very tough for her to trust me again but I will prove to her that we are strong enough to beat this.

I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders but there is still the awful feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach.

My last day of gambling has passed. I know if I gamble again, I WILL lose everything and that's not going to happen!!!

Hi Dan, welcome to recovery & well done on coming clean 🙂

I know you have had an awful scare & cut up your cards which does break the gambling triangle (Time-Money-Location, take one away & you can't gamble) but this addiction is powerful, it won't give you up without a fight! These early days of recovery your emotions will change by the second & you will go from hating gambling with all your heart to being prepared to sell your soul for one more bet! You have a lot of work ahead of you to prove to everyone you can do this & I really would recommend looking @ some professional support to try & figure out how to deal with those demons that led you down this path! Once this initial reaction subsides, your Missus/sister may also need some of the stuff that is out there for friends & family too, Gamanon, Gamcare & of course this site too.

Recovery is possible mate (my good friend Ade2 pointed that out), grab it with both hands & live the life that is there in front of you - ODAAT

Hi Dan,

Well done on having the guts to tell your other half especially with the wedding looming. No matter what happens, this was the right course of action to take so well done. I'm pleased to read she has decided to stick by you. Like others have mentioned, the real work starts now. Don't just close accounts, self exclude, get blocking software etc. Go the whole hog, the more blocks you can put in place the better for you and your future.

Sometimes, these big explosions of emotions need to happen for the complusive gambler to have the fight to stop gambling. None of us actually want to stop, I really miss gambling even though it tried to ruin anything good in my life.

Get a good night sleep, and work out a plan for how you are going to live your life without gambling. I spend all my spare time cycling and this has helped me keep busy and also get really fit. You have to try and fill the void from gambling.

I told my partner and she was gutted and it was hard for a period of time, but now she would be able to spot if i started gambling again as she now realises why my mood was up and down like a yoyo.

Things will get really good, look to the future which will be full of happiness if you can find the strength to quit for good.

Good luck, keep posting and well done for coming clean

James

Thanks for your support Odatt and James.

I slept luke a log last night. Due to not sleeping at all the night before and the fact I'm now coming down with a bug.

Still feel terrible that I've let her down. Everytime I speak to her it feels like she is ashamed of me. I have still got the crappy feeling in the bottom of my stomach and all I can think of is how she doing and wonder what she feels deep down. Just because she has chosen to stick by me now I can't help but think that it may be too hard for her to deal with in the future and may still leave me. We are continuing with the wedding plans which is great but I can't help but get the feeling that she doesn't truly want to go through with it at the moment. Is 3 months enough time for her build and gain the trust again?

Thanks Half Life. I'm so dissapointed in myself for doing this to the love of my life.

I have done everything she has asked of me and more.... Yesterday I confided in my boss at work. I was in tears telling her and felt so ashamed.

It would be really helpful if you could give me some advice on what to do as your someone that has can relate to how she is feeling. Should I be giving her time alone to think about it or should I be trying to spend as much time as possible with her?

I don't want her to think I don't care by giving her some spacentre to cope however I don't her to get overwhelmd by me constantly being there trying to make sure she is OK.

All I want is for her pain to go away!!!

Bloody predictive text!!!

OK. I suppose we will just have to take each day as it comes. At the moment, like you say, the emotions are up and down alot. One minute she is fine and you would never know anything has happened the all of a sudden she will be in tears breaking down.

I can only guess at how painful it iseems for her right now. I'm not going to lose her and I will do anything and everything in my power to make sure that she gets through this.

I have spoken to someone regarding counciling sessions so hopefully this will also help prove to her that I'm serious obout this. What would be the point in putting her through all of this if this isn't the time for me to give up.

It's strange how I just used to pay the bills as of they were nothing, now things are coming out of the wood work that should have been settled weeks ago that I have found excuses not to pay.

Back to work it is for me. It's going to be a hard 5 years paying this debt off but I can do this with her help. I think I would break without her.

I'm not counting the days as I feel that if I do, it will just be a number to quote if I was to slip up.

I'm that determined to do this that it doesn't matter if it 1 day or 100 days, I'm not going to gamble again so that what's important.

So I got home from work late last night and up early this morning. I have been round to myou sisters with my partner to baby sitting but missed my sister by seconds. The next hardest thing after telling my partner about everything will be to discuss it with my sister as we so close.

Lots going on in my head right now. My partner is now saying that she wants a pre nup for the wedding and she doesn't think we will now be able to have kids because we won't be able to afford it. I really think she understands how serious I am about leaving this all behind us which is great and now it's made me wonder why I lied so much and didn't just tell her when things weren't as bad as they are now.

So here is to another day.

Pay day today. Although the restrictions of not having access to my wages for the first time seemed a bit concerning, for the first time I have realised that I have never had access to my wages.... I allways used to gamble it away before I used to do anything useful with it so there has been no change to what I have been used to!

Has anyone else felt like this?

Hi Dan,

I have paid my wages to my wife for nearly 18 months. It is hard but for me it has been a very successful barrier.

This month I was going to take half my wages but I have decided against it. Any chance i get it could end up in the bookies.

Try it for a while!!

Toad

Thanks toad. I really don't mind it at all. It's actually rained me in bit with other things I used to waste money on things like takeaways at work for dinner etc as I work shifts.

I haven't had a penny cash for a week and haven't really realised that I have missed out on anything other than Gambling. I must have been in such a mess with the gambling that I'm so used to sacrificing eveything else to gamble.

I need this to be the last time I try to give up. Or else I might just give up on life all together as life is nothing without the people I love around me.

Hello Dan1985,

Well done again! You will not regret getting your pay diverted to your partners account.

It's a big decision I know but the benefits are worth it.

Keep up the good work.
Toad.