I finally managed to tell her.

So it's been a week since I came clean and what a week it has been.

So as I have allready posted my partner has taken control of my finances to protect me against any weakness in might have. I have promised her that I will never gamble again and I fully intend to keep that promise. At the very least u owe that to her for sticking with me even though I have put her through so mUchida pain.

Onwards and upwards however. Since pay day I have paid off the remaining part on a store card and credit card witch leaves ВЈ650 on a credit card and the £407 a month on the Loan which on my salary is just about affordable. If I ever want to do anything outside of the normal week to week things I will have to work overtime to afford this, which for the first time in years is teaching me the values of money again. It's a strange lesson to learn at 30 but I'm sure some of you will understand when I say money became just numbers on a screen and didn't ever realise the importance of what was happening??

So I'm going strong and looking forward to the wedding in March. Wedding plans are in full swing and my partner is allready trusting me more and more each day. I think she has allready realised she has got the old me back and that the gambling me was not the person she fell in love with. I don't know how I let things get as bad as they were before I woke up but I'm so happy that things are now on the way up and there is light at the end of the 5 year tunnel.

Hi Dan,

I'm glad to hear your situation is improving. It's a long road but you'll find plenty of support here. You've addressed the problem before it could snowball into anything worse, and you've done the right thing.

I, like you, just saw money as numbers on a screen and developed a blase attitude whenever I gambled a large amount away. Then I would feel extremely down in the preceding days.

This month I am determined to change all that. Got paid today and them gambling companies ain't getting penny 1!

Best of luck my friend!

It's now been almost 2 weeks since I told my partner what an idiot I had been.

I keep forgetting how much I must have hurt her alot of the time she talks to me like nothing ever happened. I think it's just her way of coping with it all as every now and then I she gets upset and worries about what I'm going to do in 1 year, 2 years, 10 years down the line and I can't blame her at all. She can tell that I am trying really hard by working alot more than I used to to clear the debt and still be able to pay for things we enjoy doing together like going out with friends.

That said, I don't miss gambling, I miss being entertained when I'm alone at home when I used to gamble. The hardest part is not not gambling, it's dealing with the bordem.

Going to go to B&Q to get some new felt for the garden shed and am going to fit it tomorrow so hopefully that will keep me busy.

Hi Dan, Well done on hitting the 2 weeks Buddy !. I'm 50 odd days in now and can't believe how many jobs I've tackled since stopping betting ! . I honestly sometimes wonder where I ever got the time to gamble ! Keep busy and gamble free my friend ! Alan ..

So it's been 3 weeks since the last time I gambled and just under 3 weeks since I told my partner.

I have been doing all the overtime possible at work and with friends to try and get some money together for Xmas gifts and upcoming holidays etc. Money I would normally not have to worry about as I've been so careless with my money for the last 15 years.

I'm not going to lie...it's bloody hard work and I am feeling really down today and not sure how I can cope with more eye issues for the next 5 years.

Yesterday was a big milestone for me - The first full day off from work without my partner being at home with me since I told her. I watched films all day and managedo to keep myself occupied. I'might not getting any urges to gamble at all. I'm to petrified of my partner leaving and calling off the wedding to even think about gambling. The issue I am having is that time seems to have slowed right down. Before when I gambled, weeks and months used to fly by, now I have to keep an eye on every single penny I spend, each day feels like a lifetime.

I knew it was going to be hard not to gamble but I never expected it to be so hard to keep an eye on my finances as much as I now have too. I know I'm £20k in debt because of gambling but now I'm wondering how I even used to afford to eat and drink without going into overdrafts etc. I allways used to have access to funds for everything I wanted to do, now I have no access to the money it has all stopped and it's the food and social aspect of not having money is what I'm finding it hard to cope with. I think I have lost weight witch a good thing but I can't even motivate myself to get to the gym anymore. Beginning to feel rather withdrawn and I don't want to bother my partner with any more problems. How do I tell her I'm finding it difficult without upsetting her and making her worry that I'm going to gamble again? I am building the trust back up but it feels like I am doing it under false pretense as she thinks I am coping ok when really, I am struggling.

First late shift tonight. Traditionally, the morning would be spent gambling when she goes to work then I turn up at work around 2pm in a mood because iv lost but today, the first late shift in our 3 week cycle, I am in a mood for other reasons.

Not sure what else I can do right now other then just pretend everything is going to be OK. Maybe if I keep telling myself that, I will start to beleive it but at the moment, I am worried sick about how I'm going to pay back the money as well as live the life my partner and I are so desperate for. We both in our early 30s and we're planning on having kids after the wedding next year. How can I bring a child into our world.

I would really like people's advice on their experience of having kids

For the first 5 years of having a baby, do you think you could survive on ВЈ180 a month? That will be how much will be left after the bills are paid. That's without even considering the drop in maternity pay that she will be getting imidiatly after the birth. Saying that we will have 9 months after the wedding to save £180 a month so that will go some way towards it. I have no idea how much money having a baby will cost so please help if you can.

Thanks for all your support.

Things were a little easier this morning. Think it was just because I was so tired from the late shifts. Day off tomorrow and it will be a year since we spread nans Ashes so another difficult day and another person I have let down.

Hi Dan , just reading your posts buddy ! I think maybe your looking too far ahead at the moment , looking for problems before or even if they happen ? .

Take it slowly , each day as it happens ! . None of us know what tommorow will bring so try not to worry over over something that may or may not occur ?. You and I are both in early stages of recovery and thats what you need to focus on at the moment . Just look after yourself and let life unfold before you !. Having kids is an expense and a big one at that , my sons 21 now and going through his second year at uni , I've brought him up on my own since he was 13 , with no help financially from anyone ! . It is a struggle at times but you manage , to be honest the first few years of a childs life aren't that bad , You usually find friends and family buy you far too many baby clothes and pretty much everything else you need as well.

You'll also get child benefit and tax credits of some sort ? , so no need to worry just yet egh?.

You need to focus on you , looking after yourself , your partner and the forthcoming wedding , you can work on the next chapter when it's written ?? .. Take care dan your doing great buddy !!... Regards Alan

Hi Alan thanks for your post.

I think it has allways beenot in my nature to think to far into the future. I am allways getting told exactly what you have told me by work colleagues about my career.

Thanks for the advice about the baby etc it's really helpful.

Good luck in your recovery Alan. I wouldn't wish the feelings I've been having over the last few weeks on my worst enemy but I definitely feel like the habit has now been broken and I am back in the right place.

I used to think about Gambling from the moment I woke up until the moment I went to sleep. I suppose alot of the feeling GSM I'm having about my life have allways been there but I have never listened to them because gambling was allways at the fronth of my thoughts and there wasn't alot of room for anything else.

Thanks again!

So 4 whole weeks not gambling!!!
That's the longest amount of time i have lasted, without any sort of gambling what so ever, since I placed my first bet over 15 years ago.

I have often tried to give up but never really wanted to. This time is different and it felt different that night I came clean and told the woman I love with all my heart, what a mess I have got myself into.

In the past I have thought I am strong enough to go to the bookies with a friend and not gamble and just be there with him. But today for the first time I associated the bookies as being a dirty place. The only way I can describe the feeling is that it must feel similar to someone thinking about eating a big fat greasy burger when they have a eating disorder.

All my friend was doing was talking about his systems with the horses and I just felt sorry for him. I know you can only give up if you really want to and I am definitely not going to gamble ever again. Not a lottery ticket, not a scratch card, NOT NOTHING!!

🙂

Hi Dan , a big well done on your 4 weeks of being gamble free !

You are right in your post when you say "you have to want to do it " , for the first time in my life it's that one thing that makes the difference , we can no longer be in our own gambling world anymore and it has to change .

You sound as though youve really made your mind up this time and I'm so pleased its working for you .

I think like you, that you can't gamble on anything again , because thats the only way it can work ! I've tried in the past to cut down but it alway's end's up the same way , losing lots !

I'm at day 67 now and can honestly say I can't beleive the way life has changed for the better,not just financially but in every way and I wish the same experience to you my friend !.

If you need a chat at any time , I'm always about !.

Take care Dan !. Alan who will not gamble today !!........................................

Thanks GT. I know, it sure has been an interesting few weeks!!

Hi Alan.

Thanks for your support. It is good to know that I no longer have to lie about the problem I have. My partner keeps asking me why now?? And why is it different this time?? My explanation is that this time, I have told her. This time I can see a different way out of it without trying to win my way out of debt. This time I want to give up and by telling her it makes it all real and not just numbers on the screen.

I would highly recommend anyone with ano online problem to tell someone close to you in the real world. The person you want to hurt the least. This is the person that means the most to you. This means that it becomes real. The tears at night, the questions about why I have £10 in my wallet, the nagging at me for getting a pizza at the weekend, are all reasons that make it real and make me realise what a fool I've been. I'm so lucky to have someone that has stuck by me and I know with my partner this would have been 1000 times harder to manage in my own. Iv never managed to do it alone so telling her way my only choice.

How did you go about telling your partner and kids Alan? Was it out of the blue, or did you plan to tell her? Or was it just the guilt building up and up until you felt like you couldn't lie any more??

Congratulations on 67 days Alan! Each day seems to go alot quicker now. It's hard to believe that only a month ago I felt the way I did but as GT said, onwards and upwards!!

🙂

Hi Dan , yeah! it does make recovery a lot easier as you say , when its out in the open .

I told my partner and my kids who are both grown up, after I was at my Daughters 30th birthday !.

I remember sitting in the garden at her party, watching everyone having a great time . I looked around and just thought " what am I doing ", I'd had some heavy losses and to be honest , I really didn't think I wanted to be here anymore .

So a couple of days later , I sat down and told them !.

I'd lied for so long , trying to pretend life was fine , when it was cr+P !, just an existance , if you can even call it that ?.

So I thought , I cant go much lower , I need to tell them and as hard as it was I'd accepted that if I lost them by telling the truth, it was better than living a lie .

Suprisingly and luckly for me it went well , I think they all new deep down I wasn't in a good way, so it was as much a relief for them to find out the cause !.

And the strange thin is , the moment I told them , I felt the burden lifting and felt I could hold my head high again .

and youre right about the days , after the first couple of weeks of breaking the cycle , you get a bit of normality returning to your life and they do go quicker .

Coming clean , is the way forward and I believe it offers us the best possible chance to quit for good !.

Just off out for the evening with my Lady, so will catch up later Buddy !.

Have a good one and as I said It's really good to see you doing well Dan . Alan

Hi Dan , all good thanks mate , no real gambling urges , just seem to be marching on and the days seem to be piling up . Think I'm just focused on other things , family life and work , plenty of decorating as well so prob wouldnt have time to bet even if I felt like it !,

How about you fella, things ok ?

Just thought I would check in with everyone. Things are going well. Although the thought of having to pay this debt off for the next 5 years has hit me hard over the last couple of days.

It's been 52 days since I took out the 20k loan to pay all my debts to make it one monthly payment and iv been working my socks off to pay for it along with Christmas and the wedding and also the most important part.... the stag do!!

I hopeing after the wedding in March I'll be able to take a step back from work for a while and just try and get some time behind me. Every month seems like a lifetime when I know I have still got so many more months of having to pay the debt back.

Although one good thing, even with paying for debt I have more disposable income now than ever before. It makes me really wonder just how much I lost. I'm sure the 20k that I'm debt is just the tip of the iceberg.