Hi
I attend the recovery program because I have found a much healthier life and healed my pains.
I am a non religious person.
I do not live in guilt shame or regret today.
I do not want or need to gamble today.
I do not want or need to lie today.
I do not want or need to live in fear today.
I do not want or need to go back to self destruction today.
I am willing to exchange my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
I can only heal my pains that I acknowledge to my self.
I can not respect other people if I do not respect my self.
I can not love other people if I do not love my self.
How much time and energy am I willing to put and invest in to my recovery today.
I use to feel that certain people pushed religion on to me and some tried to control me.
For me the recovery program is about healthy people nurturing and encouraging other people.
For me recovery was a pain healing program.
For me recovery in time was abaout therapies.
For me recovery program was about understanding what is healthy and what is unhealthy.
I was not a stupid evil dumb bad person, I was how ever a very unhealthy person.
In time I did my recovery willingly.
In time I did most things to help my self.
In time I stopped doing thinsg resentfully.
Before my rercovery I sufferd so many forms of abuse emotioanlly and physically.
I use to do things conditionally.
One day after being in recovery a very long time I asked my wife what love was.
She did not hestite she told me that love was giving of your self uncoditionally.
How could such a nice lady marry such an unhealthy person.
How could such a nice person live with me after me making her cry and live in fear of me.
At what point in my recovery did she stop fearing me.
In my recovery I understand the importance of showing gratitude and appreciation.
In my recovery I understand the importance of setting boundaries from a place of peace.
In my recovery I understand the importance of therapies and writing things down.
Sadly some people will think that just quoting text is what recovery is about.
Recovery is not parrot text, recovery is demonstrating healthy interactions.
Recovery is asking for help and guidance.
Recovery is about healing the hurt inner child in me.
At one time I use to fear even the thought of talking at work shops.
What happens if a person asks me a question I could not answer.
I gave a very nervous laugh and said I needed to get back to them.
Young kids and dogs warm towards me, that is my lack of fear and they feel comfortable with me and my inner child.
Why say I am fine when it is not true.
Why fear being honest.
Why fear telling people how much they mean to me.
Why fear trying to rticulate my emotional vulnerability.
I use to fear emotional intimacy with my family.
I use to fear being my self.
I use to fear lots of thinsg and use to procrastinate getting things done.
Today was a very full day.
Today I was filled with ambition and self sufficiency.
Today I did far to much so much so I am in pain now.
I use to think that educationa nd wsidi=om were the same thing.
I use to think that being able to articulate how I felt and express my feelinsg adn emotions in healthy ways impossible.
In meeting with healthy therapies I get to see and feel myself in other people.
Both the unhealthy ways I use to live but far more important I can see I can achieve those things other people have achieved.
Their success becomes my succes.
The recovery program is very much like learning mountain climbing in very healthy ways.
Some people are nto ready to open up and they just want to listen to other people sharing.
You see our people therapies and honesty helps reduce our most of our fears and also increaes our trust issues.
The most important things in my life today is healthy relationships with my self and other people.
The other important thing si time, I use to waste so much time in my past adn missed out on having healthy loving realtionships.
The greatest restriction was my fears causing me to seperate from having loving relationships.
Because of my fears I lied I lived alone with my family, I feared being honest and getting thinsg done..
Love and peace to every one
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi
I am a non religious person.
I found that the recovery program did not help me understand why I gambled.
The text often raised more questions than answers.
The most important thing si to keep going to meetings no matter when your last bet was.
Once I gained clean time was when I started to question my feelinsg adn emotions.
I started to question why did I lie so often even when not gambling.
Each time going back to gambling helped me understand what my past emotional trigger was.
Each time my fears grew in me.
One of the biggest impacts on me was when people opened up to therapies.
Not only did I see and feel my self in other people I was also able to learn to articulate my feelinsg and emotions.
What was strange is that today I got angry and frustrated.
I understood what I did but more importantly understood what caused such an unhealthy reaction.
I was trying to get far to much done and was not being patient and tolerant with my self.
I us to call my self names and beat my self evena fter I was abstaining from gambling.
It was a very unhealthy life being a compulsive gambler.
I was working hard for my money yet threw it away not seeing I was working for nothing.
Once you get into the recovery program you get to value your self and money.
On going on my frist few holidays I could not beleive it.
We enjoyed our holidays so much we wanted more of that life.
In time I would understand that treating our self to healthy needs and wants I became motivated in healthier ways.
So just for today do I want or need to gamble.
I see no logic in causing me and my family horrible pains and fears.
I did not see I was becoming more and more disconnected from myself and my family.
Today I do not want to be a loner and not value any one or my self.
The more healthy things I do and say I become much more succesful in my life.
Money was never going to make me feel succesful, it was my healthy actions and words that made me feel succesful in myself and in my life.
There is clarity and healthy focus in my life today.
There is unhealthy consequences for unhealthy actions and unhealthy words.
As my pains heal, and my fears reduce I have so much more in my life today.
Love and peace to every one today.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham.
Hi
The healthy people in the recovery program showed me how beneficial healthy living is.
No one made me gamble.
No one made me lie.
No one could stop me gambling.
No one could stop me lying.
The addictions and obsessions were a form of escape for me in my fears.
The addictions and obsessions just indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was.
How many people feared step 4 the most and why.
For me in my childhood when ever I was asked to be honest I used to be caused pains.
From my chilhood I associated honesty as being painful.
There were many things I did and said that were very painful to my self and other people.
Is it healthy for me to live in the pains of my past.
It is possible to hel m pains, yet it is not possible for me to heal other peoples pains.
Only when I have empathy for my self can I have emathy for other people.
There is nothing healthy gained by me living in the pains of my past.
There is nothing healthy gained by me living in the fears of my past.
In my time it was never easy to admit to my self that I had gone back to my addictions again.
After breaking out so many times I wanted to give up all faith and hope in my self.
After breaking out was a lesson if I wanted to learn from it.
Even though we do not think so, clean time can not be lost.
It helped with my recovery to mix with healthy people with healthy goals in the recovery program.
A healthy sponsor willl be completely honest and willl be nurturing and encouraing towards healthy progress in my recovery.
A healthy sponsor will never take any credit of any kind for your progress.
A healthy sponsor will encoruage a two way street exchange in understanding our emotional triggers.
A healthy sponsor will demonstrate healthy actions and healthy words in his dealing with life and people.
A healthy sponsor will demonstrate healthy appreciation and gratitude.
It is important to never give up on your self no matter what happens in your life.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
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