I reached breaking point mentally, the betrayal was killing me.
i thought my marriage would be over.
Its not. I’m truly blessed with the most kind and understanding husband.
he hugged me and talked to me about what I’ve being doing. He’s phoning Gamcare tomorrow for advice on how he can support me.
he’s coming to my doctors appointment to help me seek treatment for long term mental health issues. He bought me a scallop butty and a chocolate bar. He says I have an illness and should not feel ashamed.
His kindness has overwhelmed me. I was living in fear of him finding out and feeling betrayed and leaving me. Then there was the massive debts I have secretly racked up. He says I must be c**P at gambling.
Ive being feeling so lost with no way out. I now feel hope from his love. I’m extremely lucky and blessed.
I’m only at the start of this journey and illness, but I have hope that I couldn’t feel yesterday.
what did i tell u?
Your right its an illness and a decease
??❤️
So glad he was supportive. Well done for telling him. Must have been hard but you can face things together now.
@jess27 thank you, it was extremely difficult, I’m horrendous for talking. I made him read an email Id pre-typed then sent whilst sat next to him. Not the best I know, but was my only way because my emotions don’t allow me to talk.
it’s been a horrendous 24 hours, just mentally draining on the both of us. It broke him earlier today. I did expect a delayed reaction.
I just want to get better. I don’t want to gamble and I want to sort out my underlying issues that led me to this so I can be a better wife and mother.
He says I should be proud of admitting I’m not well. I’ll be proud when I start recovering.
I have a long battle ahead but im prepared to do whatever it takes to fix myself and try and put right the damage I’ve caused.
im very flat tonight, tired and almost empty
You're bound to feel drained. You'll probably find your emotions and moods are up and down over the coming weeks and your husband might be a bit up and down too. At least everything is out in the open now. You can start to focus on getting better.
Hi
Each time I went Gambling I was running away in my fears.
Each time I went Gambling I hurt myself and my fears grew in me.
The reason I could not get honest with my family was fear of rejection and abandonment.
Yet lying to myself and other just made things much worse.
The addiction was just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.
I like many people thought that I could not stop gambling.
Now I am over 29 years from my last bet.
By being honest we reduce our fears, and our trust grows.
The addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I could not cope emotionally.
In time I would identify I was not evil bad or stupid I was just emotionally vulnerable.
In time I would identify and understand my emotional triggers.
For me my emotional triggers were pains I could not heal, fears I could not face, frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, my emotional triggers were also loneliness and isolation, my emotional triggers were also boredom I was not able to fill my time doing challenging productive things.
So, for me recovery was about heling the hurt inner child in me who was not able to heal the pains of my past.
Today I also understand that intimacy was essential part of my healing process.
Walking into the recovery program I was filled with fears so I could not expose myself very much.
In time as I opened up to therapies my fears reduced, and my trust grew with likeminded healthy people.
It took me far too long to learn what recovery meant, healing.
How much do I want to heal my pains today?
Love and peace to everyone
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
@gadaveuk This rings so true to me. I have a number of traumatic events that I’ve left unresolved that I never dealt with.
My husband said from day one of us that he believed I had anxiety, depression and ptsd.
Because I’d always felt the same way, I just thought I was ‘normal’ and fine.
I never previously connected my gambling addiction with any of this the first time round. This time however, it’s like everything is beginning to make sense.
Well done to you by the way, that’s pretty amazing!
Hi
Thank you sharing youe expereinces with us that is a sign of strength.
Year healing of those traumatic events in your life will help you heal from the past.
Him being that honest with you about your anxiety, depression and ptsd. was very powerful.
You say you felt the same way a long time, do you think you want or need to heal the hurt inner child in you.
I use to think that my leg twitching was normal, and I use to think that my anger was normal, I use to think that my doubting myself all people and the world was normal.
I found my gambling addiction and my obsesssions were just of away of me escaping in my fears.
You say that everything is beginning to make sense, the light bulb moment.
Using pretty not quite me. LOL.
Your sharing your self and opening up with your partner is very powerful.
That healthy intimacy is all part of the healing process.
It seems that Dave of Beckingham has given you the key to release you from the prison that gambling put you in. Having a key to release one from misery is better than a big gambling win!
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