I will do it

Day 3 for me here. I have had the odd pang of wanting to gamble but nothing I couldn't deal with.

For me the worst thing is watching my bank accounts "settle down" - for months there has been so much going in and out I never truly knew what I had, well I kidded myself I did by keeping a spreadsheet but that was wrong as it turned out!

I just chased up a £400 withdrawal only to find I already had received it and didn't even notice. So that brings me to £4500 in debt total.

I cannot win it back and I never will. I know that. I have drawn up a new spreadsheet outlining how I can start to make repayments, I am quite lucky in a way as it's mostly on just my credit card. No tangled web, just slog away at paying it off.

I have an opportunity to make some money coming up (legal and not gambling related! Just hard work!) so that can help pay for some fun in summer while I still make repayments, so that's good. I will keep on looking out for ways to earn a little extra too. Part of the reason I got into gambling was because I had denied myself a lot of things so it seemed like my "only treat" and of course when I was up that was great! So I am looking at other little treats that help me feel not deprived. Funny how I'll stand in a shop umming and aching over something that costs £5 when I would have spent that on one spin...

Hello bidger

Welcome to Gamcare. Well done on those 3 days.

You've made a great start. Well done tri

Thank you triangle!

Day 4 and no gambling. I had a little laugh though - I had been reading about the laws of attraction/positive thinking, which says if you want money you just need to ask the universe for it. Obviously rubbish but hey what harm can it do? So I asked the universe for money...then found we were £750 in credit on our electricity/gas bills and they agreed to refund it to us. At which point my husband says "oh that's great, I have that amount on my credit card (buying stuff for some renovations we had done)". DOH! well it's still money I suppose and at least it won't go towards some online casinos bank balance.

So back to planning how to pay off my debts the long hard way, but I might just keep asking for money anyway 😉

Day 5 and no gambling.

Closed another couple of accounts I had forgotten about - truly unbelievable how many there are! At least I sorted my email filters so I don't get any emails now which is good as they always triggered me. Opened a 0% credit card to transfer most of my debt onto which gives me some breathing space. I will put it out of sight straight away so I can't use it.

Getting obsessed with thinking about non-Gambling ways to make money! Have thought of a couple, don't know if they will pan out. If they don't, never mind.

Day 6

No gambling today.

Logged into Facebook on my laptop and saw loads of fun slots apps I'd installed ages ago in a vain attempt to convince myself I played slots just because I liked them. Anyway, went through and deleted them all, and saw some silly non-slots games I might start playing again.

My little girl has just jumped on the couch next to me. I used to sit and play slots with my partner across the room hoping that she wouldn't shout out BIG WIN! or comment on what she could see on screen. Shameful really. Nothing to be ashamed of now.

Found a winning scratchcard in my bag today - already scratched I might add! It was only a £2 win but was debating with myself whether to use the winnings to buy another one.

On the one hand I know that is gambling!

But on the other hand scratchcards don't trigger urges for me at all - as shown by the fact I stuffed a winning one into my bag and didn't even cash out. I never have the urge to chase losses and I'm already down the £2.

Day 7 - 1 week, go me!

No gambling today 🙂

Filled in some forms to do with extra work I'm taking on, that will certainly take up a lot of free time in May/June which is good, and I'm 100% guaranteed to come out of it up, that's the kind of gamble I like!

I feel like my "money meter" is getting reset. The amount I will earn for this work is less than I've earned in one bonus round on an online slot betting big before. I would have turned my nose up at such a piddling amount for so many hours' work.

But of course it isn't a piddling amount, it's a great amount because it's real money and I'm earning it fairly. And of course the bonus round money would have gone straight back on, maybe not that day, but the next. What a waste.

Looking forward to doing it now, getting a couple of hundred paid off the credit card and some left for summer treats with the family.

Just seen that you are celebrating 1 week of abstinence too! Congratulations and carry on being strong.

Day 8 (I want to add..."in the Big Brother House") to that.

As predicted the sick feeling of my big losses is starting to fade and the amount of my debt piled up has lost the power to shock quite as much. And then predictably the thoughts creep in...maybe just a tenner...put a deposit limit on and you know you will have to stick to it...

And then I think about having to reset my counter on here. No ta! I want to keep that going up thanks!

Hard day at work, feeling tired and not very well, whole family run down and not good in general. This is the type of mood that made me my big losses - chasing something, hoping for a big win just to feel a bit of excitement, but really just ploughing £££ in and pressing that spin button over and over, not withdrawing when I could have.

Not at work tomorrow but have made a long list of jobs that need doing so I will definitely be busy! Also find out which school my little one will be off to in September so an emotional day.

Back to Day 1 for me

Down £150 today. Although at least I have stopped. Have now self exccluded from the sites I used (the only two that had fallen through the cracks...)

Have identified the reasons why. I got an email from one of them which is a massive trigger for me. I thought I ha filtered out all my emails from casinos but no. I was worrying about money and thought...well, you know what I thought. Obviously this has not solved all my problems but rather added another month or so onto my repayments.

Disappointed in myself to be honest. But looking on the bright side. I DID stop. Ok, I gambled. But I stopped. I have lost money. Not too much. I have found the loopholes and closed them.