For 8 years I have had a gambling problem, many times I have tried to stop, I have posted diaries on here, I have cut up cards, I have self excluded I have told my parents I counted the days I added up the weeks, then BANG slip up, relapse, I have had breaks from gambling and it has become infrequent, from spending 50 hours a week in a bookies to twenty, then the occasional saturday bet, then maybe 30 mins trying my luck, but the problem would be as soon as I lost any money I would feel I need to chase this, luckily the barriers of handing over my finances, self exlcuding some shops means I couldnt quite be as destructive as in the past. the misery and problems continued however, and I knew I still have a problem it wouldnt go away.
I have gambled i think i realise, because I was unhappy within myself, for the buzz and an escape from a stressful job and stressful university, but that stress remains that's normal that's life but when i gambled it made me even more stressed, anxious, upset, low moods, stole my confidence, difficult to manage social situations cause i blocked myself from dealing with emotions so much when gambling, it put me in debt, sleepless nights, secrecy, lying, payday loans, there is not one positive from this behaviour.
I kept going back though because when I stopped before I never dealt with why I was stopping, or the urges I just put them off and then would explode into gambling after they became too much, maybe i'd watch the news see something about sport leading me back to a bet, sometimes they would come from nowhere, and it would seem so overwhelming and rational and like eventually I had to go bet.
However, I have just started some counselling I am on to week 3 and session 4 tomorrow, I am no longer gambling because thanks to one piece of advice from my counsellor I am going to get these thoughts, these urges but if i put them up in a court of law, would they stand up, NO they are irrational so from that point on and i'm sure in the coming weeks she will be continuing to help me overcome this because I accept i was a gambler I accept these thoughts but they are not going to help me, they will bring harm to me, they are irrational and when I see things Like this i dont have to fight gambling addiction anymore cause I am already surrendered and dealing with them in a rational way. I see gambling for what it is and that is damaging harmful, painful, time consuming, relationship breaking, it steals money from you, but I see I can recover, I don’t need to act on these thoughts because they are irrational and for me this time it makes all the difference.
I also wrote down a list of where I could be in five years without gambling and where I could be if i gambled. the difference is frightening!!
I am beginning to get back on my feet again I am working on filling my time more enjoyably away from my final year of study and work, so that my life is better balanced, my confidence and self esteem increases so that I again no longer need to find a buzz, an escape. My debts continue to decrease and life is getting better bit by bit.
I am not going to count days or weeks, but I will post on here and when I have gambling urges look at what causes them, what i do to overcome them and continue to remember the damage they would definitely bring. I think the counselling could have just saved my life it came at a time where I just needed the help I had once been frightened to seek.
StoneRoses wrote:
For 8 years I have had a gambling problem, many times I have tried to stop, I have posted diaries on here, I have cut up cards, I have self excluded I have told my parents I counted the days I added up the weeks, then BANG slip up, relapse, I have had breaks from gambling and it has become infrequent, from spending 50 hours a week in a bookies to twenty, then the occasional saturday bet, then maybe 30 mins trying my luck, but the problem would be as soon as I lost any money I would feel I need to chase this, luckily the barriers of handing over my finances, self exlcuding some shops means I couldnt quite be as destructive as in the past. the misery and problems continued however, and I knew I still have a problem it wouldnt go away.
I have gambled i think i realise, because I was unhappy within myself, for the buzz and an escape from a stressful job and stressful university, but that stress remains that's normal that's life but when i gambled it made me even more stressed, anxious, upset, low moods, stole my confidence, difficult to manage social situations cause i blocked myself from dealing with emotions so much when gambling, it put me in debt, sleepless nights, secrecy, lying, payday loans, there is not one positive from this behaviour.
I kept going back though because when I stopped before I never dealt with why I was stopping, or the urges I just put them off and then would explode into gambling after they became too much, maybe i'd watch the news see something about sport leading me back to a bet, sometimes they would come from nowhere, and it would seem so overwhelming and rational and like eventually I had to go bet.
However, I have just started some counselling I am on to week 3 and session 4 tomorrow, I am no longer gambling because thanks to one piece of advice from my counsellor I am going to get these thoughts, these urges but if i put them up in a court of law, would they stand up, NO they are irrational so from that point on and i'm sure in the coming weeks she will be continuing to help me overcome this because I accept i was a gambler I accept these thoughts but they are not going to help me, they will bring harm to me, they are irrational and when I see things Like this i dont have to fight gambling addiction anymore cause I am already surrendered and dealing with them in a rational way. I see gambling for what it is and that is damaging harmful, painful, time consuming, relationship breaking, it steals money from you, but I see I can recover, I don’t need to act on these thoughts because they are irrational and for me this time it makes all the difference.
I also wrote down a list of where I could be in five years without gambling and where I could be if i gambled. the difference is frightening!!
I am beginning to get back on my feet again I am working on filling my time more enjoyably away from my final year of study and work, so that my life is better balanced, my confidence and self esteem increases so that I again no longer need to find a buzz, an escape. My debts continue to decrease and life is getting better bit by bit.
I am not going to count days or weeks, but I will post on here and when I have gambling urges look at what causes them, what i do to overcome them and continue to remember the damage they would definitely bring. I think the counselling could have just saved my life it came at a time where I just needed the help I had once been frightened to seek.
Its a lot of work to stop gambling sometimes so keep it going
See you in chat soon
Things are going great. Finally feel like i'm standing on my own feet. To cut things short things are beginning to change slowly but surely, been working on CBT with my counsellor. I am learning how to cope with urges, I accept them, I am learning how to cope with better mood so I don't return to gambling to 'punish myself or when I have a bad day put it in perspective and not return to gambling.
Why should i return to something that almost and in the end would have destroyed my life. I will not act on harmful irrational thoughts, I don't miss something that took so much from me.
2 months to go at uni almost there almost finished my dissertation 9500 words of real effort put into it just conclusion to go with a week to spare, feel proud and like i'm achieving. Been that busy I didnt even realise it was the grand national today but dont really care for betting on that.
🙂
Hi there,
Thank you for dropping by and your kind words.
I see you're doing great and back on track yourself 🙂 Recovery is lifelong journey and changes has to be made to keep progressing in ourselves and life around us.
Good to hear you're having counselling. I had it also and even if it was one painful experience going back to the past, it also made me realise why i keep making wrong choices in my life. You're right, there is a lot of understanding and support from the counsellor. Dealing with triggers and seing outside world in more colours than black and white. Many things we can change, and the ones we can't...well, just accept they are there and move on.
Very proud of you! Keep on keeping on.
re running, this is one of my coping mechanisms in recovery. Always loved it, but since i started recovery nearly 2yrs ago, i found more determination and strength to keep body and mind intact. It does help, plus takes me to other place and out of my "box" if that makes sense.
Once again, thank you for your support, keep posting and fighting the good fight!
It will only get better 🙂
Sandra
Thank you Sandra. I agree with what you are saying!
Things are certainly looking a lot more positive yet I still seem to have to deal with a lot of negative thoughts and anxiety has been awful at times this week a combination of a number of things. Today seems to have been a very long day.
Trying my best, feeling proud. Gamble free. Will be great to make it a full month gamble free think it would be the first time i've concsiously known that to be the case.
No gambling today because I walked that path too many times before.
I choose to recover because I know the dark places gambling took me to.
I choose to make a success of my life, i have too many things going for me when I don't gamble, I don't want gambling to steal them from me.
Even if i were to gamble £1 I know how damaging that would be and the feelings it would bring. it's not for me anymore.
I want an honest life, there are many things I am working on and towards, I will get there, it takes time.
I will be kind to myself and patient, I lived the life of a compulsive gambler for 8 years it will take time to adjust.
Lovely post
Have a good strong gambling free day.
Suzanne xxx
No gambling or urges but things are stressful 3 more essays still to do before I graduate although submitted my dissertation today tutor said he is very happy with it, put a lot of effort into it certainly learnt a lot about myself these last few weeks and throughout my degree. Glad I have been largely gamble free at the times when i've had my uni work to do in this last year which has made a huge difference to my efforts and marks from previous two years which means i'm looking at a first rather than a 2:1, can't wait to finish though as the work and uni combo can lead to stress and gambling but i'm still seeing gambling as disgusting and something I don't want to do which is great. Trying to find more of a life balance so maybe where i'd have gambled at the end of each essay finishing for a release and a buzz and an escape I am going for a run, or a game of footy or a night out or to a gig once a month which seems to be working.
I will not gamble because it destroyed me enough. Looking forward, not looking back. Each relapse I had has given me the strength to get to where I am now. What a journey.
My counsellor is on holiday until 5th may hoping to tell her how well i've done by time she gets back!
Still going strong! went to visit some houses to move out in to the city yesterday went great no chance would this have been possible if I hadnt drastically reduced my gambling in previous months and also remain gamble free for April and the future I hope! I had some urges yesterday but it's just irrational harmful thinking so no way was I going to slip, I spent my money on beers and food with the lads a good release and laugh!
3 essays to go until 'graduate' and been provisionally accepted for a masters. things are coming together nicely just need to keep working hard in all aspects of my life!
Good post again stone, keep going and keep winning.
Suzanne xxx
Thank you Suzanne 🙂
Really stressed at the moment as in the process of moving out from home to live with friends in the city, coming to the end of my degree; got another essay due next friday about half way through! waiting for next counselling session on 5th May as counsellor on holiday, applying for a masters! saving and paying off debts!
The good thing underneath all this is it's all positive and slowly but surely things are being ticked off the list. Also lots of things to keep me busy and motivated.
I'm also beginning to get a better life balance went for a great walk and pub tea last night and planning nights out and time with friends instead of where I used to isolate myself after finishing study or a bad day at work i'd turn to the only comfort I knew gambling for a buzz and an escape. I realise my errors in the past and continue to work hard on changing myself and the way I think.
Slowly but surely getting there and Continue to see gambling as a negative harmful thing that I don't want to impact on my present or my future.
🙂 feeling proud.
Still winning and enjoying my recovery. Realised I joined this forum three years ago it's been a long journey to get to where I am an absolute rollercoaster. Almost a full month gamble free looking forward to sharing my success so far when my counsellor returns from holiday.
A 10,000 word dissertation written gamble free and another 2,500 word essay written this week gamble free. Two essays and a presentation to go before I 'graduate'. Working today and all weekend looking forward to earning money and not wasting it. Got savings and debts are coming down, Today I am relaxed and the future and present is full of hope and not misery. Social life is improving as well.
Gambling is harmful and i do not wish to go back down those paths as long as I know that I will be alright.
Still winning! payday tomorrow more money added to the pot for moving out, also will treat myself to a weekend of fun out for a friends birthday and watching the boxing! a well deserved treat is necessary after how hard I have studied and the dedication I am putting into my recovery!
Was very annoyed this morning as was over charged for some cheap cigarettes what should have been £3.50 cost £8.50 as i'm sure the shop guy kept the fiver!! this made me think of gambling as 'i'd lost a fiver' at the same time it reminded me of the awful feeling of losing money and like i wanted to win it back, but again it's harmful, irrational thinking, keep re-wiring my brain and eventually these silly thoughts that appear at times will become a thing of the past.
Very much enjoying recovery and it's amazing how much life is changing for the good at the moment! If only i'd seen this years ago! not to worry here and now and the future is what matters most!
Payday safely negotiated, debts come down again, savings increase. Felt restless and anxious today it's hard to get through some days when you constantly feel anxious, got a lot to deal with at the moment but glad feeding the roulette and gambling is no longer one of them.
When i get through to may in a few days it will be the first time I can remember going a full calendar month gamble free and considering the things i've achieved without it it's definitely something I need to keep trying my best with. I can be proud of my my achievements. Feel a little shameful for the lies i told and making my parents suffer through my addiction but least I am living an honest life now and my parents said they are proud of me and have noticed a change 🙂
Another day chalked off looking forward to 10 days off work after tomorrow to finish my last essay of uni and put a presentation together! also a good weekend of partying and socialising! beats gambling anyday!! The hard work is close to paying off!
🙂
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