I wish there was a pill you could take to stop this terrible illness/addiction

Day 111, I've had no voice for a couple of days, other half thinks it's brill, his ears are having s rest! Slept so much last couple of days I'm wide awake now. my 100 days past and I forgot to open the tin I started from gf day 1, I opened it yesterday and there was 145.00 in new five pound notes, 20.00 in £2 coins and £3 other new coins I had placed in there. I closed it back up and will take another look when I'm 150 days. X

Well woke up and still not feeling good, have to stay at home today as I'm not allowed in work like this. So abit of reflection time, several months ago I would have looked at this as an opportunity to gamble online (only way I ever did) but that never crossed my mind until I started to write on here so that's big progress. Now I'm thinking what can I do with this extra day because I'm not ill enough to stay in bed which is not my style but not allowed in to work, i cannot take the dog out as it's raining heavy here and I don't want to make myself worse, I can watch some day time tv, I could do another puzzle, I could revise for the couple of exams I have to take, I could do the mandatory training I have to do each year as it's now all online, I could do house work, there are so many things but one thing is for sure I will not choose gambling. Mr G will not grab a single penny or more importantly time from me, so for anyone starting on this journey and no matter how hard the first few days, weeks are you must stick with it because the benefits of not keep feeding the addiction out weigh it by far. Forget the losses, accept them, move on, debts will eventually come down, your health and well being will improve each day and that part is priceless. X

Hi Anon,

I'm really sorry to hear you're still in the wars. And a miserable day outside doesn't help either does it (I hope your poor dog is good at crossing his legs!)

Like you I have mandatory training and I would get that out of the way, another thing to tick of the list!

The gloomy weather doesn't help, so you could consider making your home as bright as possible to brighten up the room and feel a little better.

You can buy lamps now that give out light that simulates a bright summer's day, so might be worth looking into this. A visit to Amazon perhaps... you could have it tomorrow...?

How about planning a holiday or short break. There are some bargains out there, why not have an online mooch around. Perhaps a bit of winter sun..? EasyJet holidays have a few bargains still, select all destinations and let your mind wander..

Well done for kicking the insidious Mr G into the long grass today. Give him a big whack up his scawny a@se for me too.

And why not get some music on! Try Spotify online, join for free, and select a happy music complication and you'll soon feel a it better.

The human spirit is much better when fed with multiple stimuli. Light, music, imagination, being busy ... let's make this a good Monday for you, yeah!

Hope my suggestions help and get well soon!

Hi

Thanks for stopping by my diary. I just gave yours a read. Congratulations on breezing past the 100 day mark. It's remarkable how quickly the mist clears and you can return to a happy life. I'm still at the start of my recovery but I'm feeling a whole lot better than I was 2 weeks ago. I managed to give up cigarettes for 4 years but they have crept back into my life, just like the gambling did. I haven't bought a pack but have been getting them off friends when I have a drink. You're correct when you say that if you allow yourself to have one then they can easily make there way back into your life. It's the same with anything really. Especially gambling.

Wishing you strength in your recovery and I hope you feel better soon.

Hey Anon....Huge thanks for your thoughtful post in my Diary!

You are doing so well... I bought a couple of colouring books at start of this Month and they really are great for distraction, I'm also finding them extremely therapeutic & calming, and I'm beginning to love listening to Music again... Slots really do takeover every pleasure in life.... still can't believe I was so immersed in them...No more!

Hope you've enjoyed your wee extra day off....Chores can wait, take time for yourself...You deserve it!

Thanks again.

M x

Hi Anon

Just caught up on your diary...a belated welcome to the century club! 111 days, well done!

Day 112. Still not feeling 100 per cent but went to the gym, did 4K on the bike, 1k on the cross trainer and 3 on the running machine, was on my knees when I got out. But I still don't think I have the hang of this new healthy me who now goes to the gym, walks the dog for several miles, plans to do Snowdon and eats fruit because today when I got in I opened the kitchen cupboard and there shouting eat me was the big toblerone before I knew it I'd eaten half of it, nice at the time but feel sick now. Booked to have a session with personal trainer on the 25th Jan - watch this space anything could happen! No thought or urges for mr g, payday next week and will be able to pay some more money off the debts, prior to being gf I would be thinking 'just 100 and I may win enough to clear all my debts' well we all know what happened, it would just be deposit after deposit till there was no money left in the account, how I can remember those dark days like only yesterday and thats why I'm still gf and will remain gf because I don't want to feel stressed, nervous, on edge through gambling again. I like being able to sleep at night, not worrying about direct debits failing because of in sufficient funds etc., It's so scary how it takes over your life and you cannot see it until it's too late and your well and truely hooked. tomorrow will be another gf day for me x

Day 113, still not feeling 100 per cent so I'm still a grumpy bear! However I ventured out for more medication and thought I would treat myself to a coffee and a cheese and ham toastie to take away, on my way back to the car a gentleman asked if I had any change to spare, I said no because I would hate to think that my money goes to buy f**s or drugs (x smoker I am) but if you want food and a hot drink you can have these and offered them to him, he then asked what was on the sandwich and was there any sugar in the drink, at this point I had to smile and thought to myself 'who said beggars cannot be choosers'. Anyway driving back home I try like everyday to be kind to other drivers on the road and let a few people in who are waiting in side roads and most of the time people flash the lights, put their thumb up etc., as a thank you. But today on three occasions I never even had a flash, my parents taught me from an early age, please, thank you, be kind and considerate to others, smile, be friendly, it costs nothing but it feels sometimes that we have lost this and I don't think it's a generation thing. Maybe it's just me today being over sensitive because I'm grumpy or is it because I pay attention more to little things now I'm gf and in recovery. Ramble over time to get back to some more work x

Hi Anon,

Thanks for your lovely comment, and congratulations back on your recent entry to the century club! Just reading back over your last diary post, no, it's not you being grumpy. I can't stand it when people don't acknowledge that I've been good enough to let them in and normally shout 'You're welcome, a******e' or words to that effect haha! I drive between 500 and 800 miles a week with my job, so it's a daily occurence. Anyhow, hope you're feeling better soon.

Twinks x

Hi Anon!

Many thanks for your kind words. They mean so much, especially this early on ina period of abstinence.

The benefits are rife and immediately noticeable. The mere fact that I have just 12 days to go until payday and I have enoug diesel in the tank to get me there is enough.

I am sure life will be even better when I have a little disposable income and can do a few "normal" things!

I am very pleased to see you smash the century and wish you all the strength you need to continue in this way.

Best regards,

Mark

Thanks for your comments hanging in and feeling better.

Day 114, feeling a little better and was well enough to be allowed back at work, was very busy, managed to get some stuff marked off my to do list as well as the fire fighting! Still gf, no gym today was too tired and legs still aching from the other night. Solved the problem with the reverse camera in the car, thought it was broken and was going to book it into the garage, been like it for weeks, then someone at work said have you checked it does not have dirt over the lense, simples, once I had found were it was, cleaned it and yes it was mud on it, works perfect now!

Day 116, dull outside but I'm happy, feeling much better, few days to pay day and still have money in the bank, jar and purse how good that feels after all these years. Anyway will be back later, things to do, Mom and dad to see. X

Hi Anon ☺

Thank you for the post the other day!
I feel bad as i hardly support others on here :-(. Not sure what has changed and is it good thing or not but here we go. I guess being here and noting my days (now and again) is still little therapy for me so i am deffo around these pages ☺

So massive 117 today huh! Well done! I can tell how different you're feeling and the cloud has lifted already huh! You see, it will only get better as days will keep ticking by.
That's where you have to concentrate on. I was told by wise lady today - don't think of yesterday, tommorow or next week...don't even think of next 10mins. ..NOW & here is what you need to concentrate on. Look what's around you, feel the presence of life! You are here for a reason, someone somewhere needs you no matter in what shape or size. You wouldn't be here otherwise, so take life on the chin, appreciate this minute as you're very lucky to have this opportunity to breathe, walk, see, feel, taste....etc...i was also told that i have a choice to get help. I can get better...sometimes we just need to take body where it has to get & head, heart and soul will follow accordingly ☺. In this case i was told about going to the meeting today, however i see deeper in those words, take that body even outside and appreciate everything around you, your head will register everything, heart will smile & soul will feel a fresh breath of air and freedom to inhale the peace & calm which is always on offer by Mother Nature ☺

I'm going off on one huh...that's why i hardly talk lol...cause once i start - i can't stop! (You would think i have an addictive personality huh 😉 )

All in all - you're doing fab & should be proud of yourself!

KOKO - one day at a time

S x

Day 117, still gf and will remain so. My dogs first birthday today, so she's had a couple of new toys, chicken dinner and lovely long walk. I'm so tired, went to the gym last night. Looking forward to being on my own for a week as other half is off soon on his annual skiing trip so today was lots of washing and making sure he has everything. Almost over the cold I had last week. I'm sat here drinking coffee and enjoying the peacefulness, several months ago I would have had my lap top on my lap, mesmerised by the reels spinning and praying for a bonus round, and when and if they came in saying to the screen please god let this be good. How stupid this seems now, if it wasn't for the money lost and debts I'm paying off I would swear it was a bad dream I had. I'm coming through the fog, every day there is a little less. X