hi all back on the wagon again after having a few months of the usual losses after I thought I would be ok to come back to gambling after 120 days GF and just bet small! I laugh writing that because it’s just beggars belief to think I could do that when I have an addiction that’s lasted 7 years. 100% committed to not gambling and I know I can rack up some days like I did before and I’m going to but I have so much on my mind that’s making me lose sleep still....the money I have lost is an issue and yes who can help thinking about probably 40k I have lost in total. It hurts. But the lies and deceit and lack of being able to treat my girlfriend the way she deserves is what hurts most. I have always even as a gambler had some money left and I would say it’s the last 3 years where I have blown my wage in full probably 10 out of 12 months. This means I have lied about why I can’t do this with my partner, or can’t get her loads for her birthday or take her out for a meal Saturday night like I promised. Shameful. It’s really hitting home and it needs to, on how much she has suffered. That girl has supported me and still believed in my to be a success in my growing career. She has given me love and a daughter and kindness when I have given her lies and hurt. What kind of a dad and boyfriend does that make me is a question I ask myself .....one is is determined to beat this but also one of pure shame. It’s her birthday this weekend and I remember her last one where I promised the world because I wanted to treat her and then gambled a few days before and ended up getting her some cheap flowers and a box of chocolates. This time I have done the same and instead of getting here the personalised necklace with our daughters name on and some new summer clothes she wanted for the holiday we haven’t booked for later in the year yet, she will probably get cheap flowers and chocolates again. I am absolutely disgusted with my behaviour and a year on I am back at square one. Any more tiny mess ups and no holiday for her which she so badly deserves since giving birth to our gorgeous girl. And any more c**k ups and my life is as good as over
This sounds like me in so many ways, I've probably gambled 80% of my wages for the past 3 years after being total bet free for 2 years. I gave been a compulsive gambler for as long as I can remember and I'm 32 now. I've lat me gf child friends and family down more times than I can remember and I've no doubt already ruined Christmas. It would be laughable for me to try to offer you advise but all I can say is I hope your situation changes for the better as well as my own. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you. Peace
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