Hi there,
I signed up to gamcare after possibly the lowest point I have ever been in my life with no girlfriend, and little or no self worth. I would like to say a massive thanks to each and every one of you on this forum as it has been a massive help to getting my life back.
For me personally I know I will always be a compulsive gambler and it's not going to go away but if I take it one day at a time, not get complacent and keep my guard up I will be okay. I have found myself going from being on this forum every day without fail to now once a week so I thought I would start a dairy to aid in my recovery.
I started gambling when I was 17 with friends using fake ID's (worst mistake of my life buying it) to go out and drink with which then got us going into the bookies to put on football coupons. Everything was fine until we started to go onto the FOBT's. stakes went from a few pound in a session and over 4 years went to several thousand in a session. My gambling got even worse and worse when I won £30000 in the space of a month. Luckily I enjoyed myself with some by travelling round Europe for 3 weeks, buying new clothes and treating my family but when I got back that money was squandered in a matter of weeks. After that I felt life was never going to get better and to my regret I tried to take my own life. My girlfriend found out and helped me. I went to a hypnotherapist and had several sessions and I thought it was all in the past like it was some sort of bad nightmare. I started to get complacent and was going to casinos with friends but not gambling, laughing about how stupid I was back then. I relapsed after 3 months gamble free on the work Christmas do watching the boxing in a casino. I then went back on the downward spiral and was gambling heavily week in week out racking up debts. My girlfriend got suspicious and found out of the debts of £10000 I had through my credit score. I kept promising I was gonna get it all sorted but they were just empty promises.
The lowest point of my life came on 6th October 2016 where my girlfriend found out I was at the casino and finished with me. She could not take it anymore and did not want anything to do with me. She has always been my rock and I dunno what I would do without her. Support in this addiction is essential which I why I would recommend anyone to be honest to their loved ones. On my own, I came across this website and stepped through the doors of GA which has been the best decision of my life.
My girlfriend thankfully gave me another chance and we gave it another shot and things have been great. I go to GA twice a week and counselling once a week (Thank you Gamcare). I finished my apprenticeship way back in Feb and was owed back pay which I got in November which paid off all my debts I had left (paid £100's off them during my recovery) and gave me enough money for a deposit on a flat to rent with my girlfriend and all the furniture we need. I have found during my recovery that I wasn't happy with my life. I have never really got on with most of my family and living with my dad was hell so perhaps the gambling was my escape from that life. At one point I thought my only escape from this pain was to take my own life and that I would be better off dead. But I have finally got my life back on track and the future looks bright.
I did not post this is the success stories because I am not a success. I am merely steps on the road to recovery and a lifetime of happiness. I will not get complacent and will always be on my guard as I know I will always be a compulsive gambler but I will have it under control.
I will try to post regularly on both mine and others diaries.
Thanks for listening
Had a busy day today working on the new car etc. Did have a dream this morning I was in a bookmakers with my friend just watching him, very strange and felt very real but that is one of many strange dreams I've had over the last few months. Had a counselling session this afternoon which i enjoyed. It's helped me massively to be honest with not just my loved one but also to myself. Life's good and will continue to get even better as long as I don't gamble.
Great post Brummyboy so glad you are out the other side, I can relate a lot to what you are saying about your family life and using gambling as a block to normal life.
Well done.
Malc
Thanks Malkie, hope you are well. Keep focused and time will fly. I've found every day has been better than the last and it's got easier to cope. Most of all we need to enjoy our recovery and not punish ourselves.
Im in work today for 12 hours earning a bit of extra money for half term next week. My girlfriend works at a school so she is off and so I've booked it off as a surprise for her. Planning to go the zoo and Alton towers both in different days again as a surprise.
Hope everyone is okay
Dan
Well done Dan, you sound to be thinking positively...remember it is still early days though. All the best.
Rhoda, complacency is what got me in the first place always believing I had beat it. I know full well this problem will be with me for the rest of my life and I will always will be a compulsive gambler. As long as I keep on my toes and keep focused I will be fine. If it means going GA, and going on this forum for 50 years then so be it.
On a 12 hour night shift tonight so have always got a lot to think about. Worth remembering the times where I had gambled all my wages as soon as it hit my bank and then carry on the shift as if nothing has even happened. God that hurt. Work has seemed so much easier lately. Always seem to have a smile on my face and getting less stressed.
Realised that Alton towers doesn't open until march 25th lol so change of plan for that also.
Thinking cap on then Brummyboy...what's plan 2 going to be?
If the weather is decent it will be Go Ape. Haven't been for a while and enjoyed it last time. Another night shift tonight and then a week off from work. Keeping busy is the key. Hope everything is okay Rhoda and thanks for dropping by on my dairy.
Dan
Out with friends tonight drinking. Trying to make up for all the lose time I've wasted with gambling. Have a gamble free weekend everyone.
Dan
Nice one Dan and what a great way to spend the night ... with your mates, not soulless, flashing, grasping machines. Really hope you had an enjoyable evening.
Hiya Brummy, forecast is good for next week! Never been to Go Ape...mainly cos I am scared of heights...a friend did suggest we both went 6 years ago (he is scared of heights too), but we never made it. Maybe that is a fear I need to face...will give it consideration. Whatever you are doing, hope you are enjoying your day.
Thanks for the replies mixer and Rhoda. Yeah had a great weekend. Saw family too. Nice to feel normal and not feel like I have something to hide. Go ape is a no go my girlfriend doesn't want to go again she is terrified of it now she regretted it last time. Have a great week everyone
Dan
Day 140
Forgot to mention on Saturday I brought tickets to see drake in Birmingham for me and my girlfriend tonight as a treat for being there for me. She deserves so much more and hopefully I will give her those things she deserves. Just been for a nice meal and now a few drinks. Been a great week off done so many things I wouldn't have even thought of if I was gambling.
Day 155
Apologies for the lack of activity. Ive been coming on most nights and reading but I've neglected my diary. I've been crazy busy lately to be honest. Worked on the new car which I started getting problems with so I took it to Volkswagen and they replaced the gearbox free of charge under 100000 mile warranty (result) and the other repairs I sorted myself. The car I really didn't want anymore so I sold for £4000 which I only paid £2500 with a few problems so that was pretty good. Wasn't really tempted to gamble with all that free cash but my girlfriend handled all the financial part so I guess I wasn't in the position to be tempted. Put the money down on another car and then pay the remaining balance on finance over 2 years. Feels so good having nice things thanks to not gambling. I always made myself go without and instead used it all to gamble with until I had nothing... but onwards and upwards I am thankful for everything I have in my life and I am gaining my self worth back. Gambling took everything from me and I can't go back to it again. Other than that I'm pretty good and living away from my parents with my girlfriend is brilliant. Definitely feel having this freedom was missing from my life. recovery is about finding who you truly are, who you want to be and where you want to be in life. Make changes for the better.
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