It's time to beat this

Day 1: woke up feeling charged and ready to fight this. Kept busy at work and had a really good productive day 🙂 amazing how much easier things are when you are not focusing on whether the bet is coming in!

No real urges to gamble; although, I have thought about what I would of gambled on but to no real detail so I suppose it's a habitual thing. I do find I am conflicting state of mind at the moment as I like sport, to watch and to play but now when I go to read the news about what's happening I have a guilty feeling like I am enabling or helping the gambler inside. I will lay off the sports news for now.

I have also had a ponder about risk, as in how does my addiction to gambling impact my risk appetite, for instance will I become more cautious with my decisions in work or life in general because taking a risk could be considered a gamble albeit in a different sense?? I suppose I worry that a change in behaviour to being risk adverse could hinder future potential opportunities? Then I imagine the question is what is more important, the tangible here and now or the potential!

Hi Buckeroo,

You are making a great start & you really know where you want to go.

Keep posting every day.

Read the diaries. You will get great ideas.

Take care,

Suzy

Hi Buckeroo1

Just signed up today - you're one day ahead of me- just wanted to drop a message to say keep going!

Thank you for the posts, knowing that there is support in this community is great and really makes me feel as though we all will succeed!

Day 2: This is not the first time I have tried to stop, I have tried twice before and both times I reached 3 months then slipped up. When these slips happened I desperately looked for a reason, something or someone to blame but this time is different. I feel as though I have completely accepted what has happened. I had a moment of weakness (that moment was a good 6 months) and I had not been aware of my growing urges and warning signs that my resolve was weakening. This is where I hope the diary will help, so I can be completely honest each day and re-read each post to fully understand what's going on in my head.

So day 2, first day since stopping that I am working from home. Previously I have found this is when I need to be the strongest and I feel up to the challenge. I have quickly put the losses behind me and accepted what has happened- this I am pleased about. Previously I used to dwell and go through phases of self loathing which I found caused more issues and destruction- this time is about positivity, being happy about the debt- the fact it will shrink and not grow. Enjoying the additional spare time and no mood swings caused by my bets. It's a bright future and that motivates me. Life will be better. To help and motivate me am going to set some milestone targets to keep me focused:

25th Decemeber: this is approx 3 months my previous bananna skin!

25th March: payday/ bonus day (forecasted 40% of debt paid off by then)

I wish everyone reading all the strength in the world to beat their demons. We can and will prevail!

wow what a great couple of posts, reading them really cleared a load of cr** out of my head , seriously going through my head the last week or two since my last slip, has been a not wanting to gamble again as I don't and think and hope I wont as I don't want to , as I now know from my last experience there is no point as even when winning I can not stop and then carry on and carry on until a point that will eventually come which will be where I loose everything ive won and more , and as I was saying since my last slip going through my head has been a lot of what you were saying who is to blame a situation at work or this or that ect .. and other stuff you wrote really makes sense and your positivity its really great , and this reading your posts has given me focus and direction and took away all the cr** that stopped me from mentally moving on , I like it where you wrote something like , I want to decide what I do with my life not what my addiction dictates I do with my life , so true .

Anyway sorry to harp on about me , but you speak a lot of sense and can tell you have your head screwed on , I wish you well in your recovery , ps your spot on with where you say not spotting the signs of the urges getting stronger and wanting to gamble more when havnt for a while and do not realise the warning signs , as at that point of feeling like that we all need to nip it in the bud before it takes control of us , thanks for your posts there great simon

Thanks Simon, it's good to know what I have written has helped someone else, it makes me even more motivated to keep up with the diary. I had a read of your diary just now and can draw so many parallels with my own experience, it's a difficult road with twist and turns, bumps and humps. Keep strong and keep logging your days.

Day 3: Today has been good, no urges at all but expect that could be down too being in here a lot reading everyone's stories. It really has sharpened my focus, too much pain and anguish is caused by gambling.

I imagine this topic has been mentioned many times before but why on earth is there not a central register for all those that want to self exclude? Such that any gambling company new to the market or existing has an obligation to ensure none of their users are on this list- make it part of the KYC process (know your client) and make them punishable for any non compliance? The current situation is like having to go into the the lions den and ask them not to eat you! It's madness!

I'm looking forward to the weekend, I plan to spend some money on myself and the girlfriend for a change, nothing big as I am still balancing the books so to speak but it's a start. I have put together a spreadsheet to manage my money each month including loan and cc payments. All going well I should be debt free in 1 year and have some savings.

Keep strong everyone! Another day going the right way!

Day 4: Although it's still very early days it is all going well so far. No urges and I am finding it so much easier to remain focused, another benefit is my general mindset is different, I find I am far more interested in the things going on around me and actively enquire about them rather than previously retreating to the shadows to not be disturbed!

Interestingly the not gambling part of this journey is the easiest part for me at the moment; however, it is more the waiting for the immediate plan to be fulfilled (ie pay off the debts) which frustrates me. I am being impatient. I need to accept it will take time, but in time it will be resolved.i see this whole journey as 2 distinct roads: the first being not gambling and paying off the debt and become financially free, the second road is after road 1, where i do not gamble but I have spare money and no debt. It is road 2 that scares me the most, and while it is 349 days down the line (a long way off seeing I am only on day 4 haha) I feel I will need to start mentally preparing myself for the stage long in advance as for me I think it will require a different mindset and ultimately a bigger test of resolve- especially because the immediate pain and anguish caused by the gambling would not be as fresh or 'real' as it was at the start of the journey. I need to keep telling myself that it's about small steps, and to that end, I will not think about again until I reach the second of the milestones I have set (25/03/2015) and I will re-evaluate how I feel.

Keep strong everyone. A life free of gambling is a better life!

Thank you for you're kind words. I wish you all the best. Take advice from the elders on this site, practice everyday what they preach and be good to youreself.

Thanks John, I will do just that.

Day 5: all is good, I am being strong and have no urges. One bit of bad news is a speeding ticket which is a fine I could do without, but hey ho, at least I am on a driving awareness course rather than getting points!

I have got a countdown/ day counter app on my phone where I have put all my milestones in and current day count. It feels good to visualise it one place and break it down - it feels achievable and I am positive I will reach my goals.

Keep going everyone.

Day 6:

Nearly a week 🙂

Keeping it up and no turning back. Feeling good just ticking off the days.

Hope everyone has had a gamble free weekend!

Hi buck,

One week tomorrow, how good is that, and it does get better as the days build up.

Well done,

Suzanne x

Hi,

Have just come across your diary and realised you have a very similar situation to me in terms of your debt and how long you have previously lasted without a bet. For me it was around 100 days. Currently 21 days free but my strategy of paying off my debts is a 5 year plan as I have low wages until I get a pay rise. Are you rushing by saying you will have 40% off your debts payed off by next March? As long as it doesn't leave you feeling tight then go for it, every day we abstain from gambling is a step toward a debt free life and more money to do things for a great life.

Thanks for the post rst86togo. With regards to the speed I'm trying to pay all my debt off - it is something I have thought long and hard about and the target I have set (1 year) is based on what I believe I can do while maintaining a 'normal' life with the chance to save some money. I regret putting % complete of debts paid off etc now as it could have a negative impact on others. It was more for my own benefit to try and keep the positivity high. It sounds like you have your head screwed on and know what you need to do which is fantastic. As we both faltered at the similar milestones previously what do you think was your trigger? For me I think I didn't really understand my addiction and was still deluded in thinking I could go back to small bets.... And win some of the loses back 🙁 like I saw the 100 day mark as 'cured' of problem gambling and can continue as I was before it became an issue. Now look at me haha.

Day 7:

Work was really good today, motivated, charged and very productive. These days remind me of my time before gambling when I was driven and ambitious, I hope to get that back. I know it's still early days but this time feels so much better.

I hope everyone is keeping safe.

Day 8: all going well haven't thought about gambling. I have found I'm less interested in keep up to date with the sport, I'm happy just to hear about it on the news rather than going looking for it.

Last reorganisation of funds today to ensure I have money in my account for all bills this month. It's now just a matter of getting paid each month- a waiting game until the debt is gone. I won't let my impatience get the better of my resolve.

Stay positive, stay gamble free!