It's time to beat this

Hi Buck,

Well done on 8 days.

Stay positive and keep gong forwards.

Suzanne xx

Hi,

So in response to your question why I gave up after 100 days, I would say it was due to a sort of reward and I honestly did miss gambling and the excitement of possibly making a bit of money, and as I had spare money from saving I thought a little 10 pound bet on my favourite site wouldn't hurt when I had a free evening (a site I always kept open as I had a limit of 25 quid per week) but once I lost that I wanted it back and so this soon turned into chasing losses, etc...

After another relapse, I blocked the website and it has finally sunk in that I will never win as I can never stop once I start.

My finances are already improving and my sense of wellbeing too, there is always that guilt of having my debt for 4-5 years but the only way to pay it off is staying clean.

Although I often do see friends who have houses and nice cars and think that could have been me so need to be aware that a quick gamble will not bring that closer but push the date of me getting these things further back.

Keep it up, look forward to seeing your progress.

Thanks for the reply rst86togo. I can relate to what you are saying, the missing gambling part previously was a big thing for me because it had become something I did everyday. I hope now that I won't miss it and if I do I need to be strong and read all my posts to remember the distress. You definitely are in the right frame of mind when it comes to seeing your friends with nice things- I find that part difficult too but as you say gambling won't help us get there.

Day 9: all going well, happier in general, work is more productive, just generally more motivated to get things done. I didn't realise how much gambling was impacting my work, it's scary thinking about it. Never again will I compromise my future.

Definitely happier not gambling than when I was.

Keep it up everyone!

Hi Buckeroo

Well done on 9 days abstaining and ty for your kind words on my diary, they made me cry in a nice way. Am glad you are so positive and definitely don't take your eye off the ball. Keep strong and stay focused.

Take care and best wishes

Cheryl xxx

Day 10: really have good days at work at the moment. Highly mitivated and getting stuff done- it's also getting noticed so onwards and upwards!

Keep strong everyone!

Day 11: so 10 days was a mini target, I'm now looking forward to mini target 2.... October payday! 14 days to go. No urges to gamble although when watching sport or hearing about it on the news I do think about 'what would I have bet on' and it's quickly countered with a how much would I of lost! I have no need or want to gamble. Life feels so much better without it- even after only 11 days. It's easier this time round but I do worry it's my addiction trying to woo me into a false sense of security- like 'see, your not a compulsive gambler, you can control it'. No chance am I falling for that again!

I hope everyone has a good weekend.

The Symptoms

Throwing money away

Disappearing ! Upstairs on computer or popping out without your wife/husband or family even your Boss noticing just in case your judged on this bad habit .

Cause

Greedy bookies

Advertising

weakness

Addiction

A betting dealer

A strange shop in the high street you wandered around where you pay to write on bits of paper to predict the future and rarely they give you money back .

This is not a fortune teller on the end of a pier

Not being content what you have

Bored

Entertainment at any cost .

Effect

Which ones will you be

Personalty Distant-ness

Moody

miserable

unkempt

smelly

dishonest

Bankrupt

Homeless

Prison

Alone

feeling suicidal

Rich !

Solution

Give up If your Rich or poor be content with what you have and be happy their is no alternative but sadness .

Dave

Thanks for the post Dave.

Day 14: 2 weeks today. All is well, had a great weekend with friends and family, no urges the thoughts of gambling are getting less and less but need to remain focused and prepared for when they do return- and they will and at no doubt the most testing of times!

Day 15: nothing to report, no urges or want to gamble. Haven't even thought about it until I was about to login here. Probably not going to post as often now unless the urges come back, will still check in and read other diaries as I feel they motivate me more to stop, where as writing a diary has helped me organise my head and thoughts so I am in the right frame on mind.

Keep it going everyone!

Day 21: 3 Weeks today. All going well so far, I still have a long way to go but happy with progress. No need or want to gamble, come this payday I will be back in the black on my current account- a win to no gambling!

Day 28:

4 weeks today. A couple more days and I will be 1/12 of the way through my initial quest to get debt free. The days are passing now with little to no thought of gambling or the previous mess caused by it; however, on the odd occasion when thoughts do drift to gambling there is no longer the raw pain or disgust I had associated with it when first starting out on this recovery rather more of a numb feeling. This is what happened on my previous attempts, I was gradually lulled into a false sense of security as time passed leading to just a small wager 'for fun'. This can't and won't happen again. I am wise to these deceitful tricks this illness plays.

I will be at war with this addiction for the rest of my life and although there won't be battles everyday, I will always need to be battle ready to stand up and fight against it- no surrender!

Keep fighting.

Hi Buckeroo,

28 days is simply great and your post is so positive. It is so much easier when that raw pain has passed.

Stay focused the way you are right now and all the good things will come your way.

Take care,

Suzy

Thanks Suzy, I really appreciate your post.

Its now been over 5 weeks without gambling. It feels like a life time ago when I was sat feeling sick at my latest big loss. I have no need or want to gamble, the debts are reducing and I am doing more with my life. Happy days.

The longer I go without gambling the clearer I see things and the more involved or alive I feel with what's going on in my life - this is great; however, it has also opened my eyes to my relationship with my GF - we aren't happy together. The gambling was a fog, dulling senses and emotions like a drug and over the last few years it has obscured how we have been growing apart. I think through the guilt of me gambling I have been giving her the benefit of the doubt or accepting her behaviour as some sort of punishment (I'm gambling so you can be a mega b!tch)... But now I don't take it and it's got to the point where I don't think I want to be with her. To be clear, she thought I had stopped gambling 2 years ago when I told her I had a problem, I never told her about the later slips for 2 reasons, our relationship would end and secondly she never offered any real support (I ended up managing all our finances!). I am sure the person I was when gambling has fuelled some of the changes in our relationship and her but I can't quantify the impact or change that, I can only change the now.

Sorry for being off topic I just needed to get it out on paper so I can more easily work it through in my head.

There is no better feeling than not gambling!

Buckeroo

Hi Bukeroo, just thought I'd check in and see how you're doing. Great that you have 5 weeks under your belt. Sure does get easier and especially when you realise you actually have money available.

Don't get complacent though, keep your goals and something to treat yourself with at the front of your mind, on to 50 days the next milestone.

Thanks for your post Rst, it's nice to know people are out there checking on me.

6 weeks today no gambling. It feels good, 1/2 way to my first main target - Christmas! 🙂