Hey everyone
I realised that I was using my intro post as a diary so thought I’d post a new thread in here instead. 13 days in now, I’ve had some struggles, a few tests, a birthday card with 5 scratchcards in it! They weren’t to know, my partner gave me the value of them back instead. As it turned out she won exactly what they were worth so it all turned out ok.
Only been to one GA meeting, I need to get to more of these and going again on Tuesday. However, this site is helping me daily so I don’t feel like I’m alone in this. By the way I have found the diary’s inspirational, really enjoyed reading people’s stories over the last 2 weeks and brilliant advice given to me and others. As a female gambler, I thought I was a rarity but I’ve realised that there are many other women in a similar position to me. In fact I came here extremely negative, thinking it was the end of my world but I realise that I could have lost so much more ie my relationships with family and friends had I not faced up to my addiction when I did.
I’ve also found that I’ve got so much more free time, no longer rushing to get to work after spending an hour going to different shops to buy scratchcards for example. Lying in bed wasting the day away gambling and thinking about my next bet, whereas now I’m out and about, even my dog is pleased as she’s getting walked so much more these days 🙂 It’s made me think that it wasn’t just money I was losing.
However, I don’t by any means think I am “cured” or if I ever will be. Trying to take one day at a time, the only betting that keeps coming into my mind is the start of the new football season. I’m worried how I will fill those dark, cold winter afternoons without the comfort of sky bet and my iPad. I think it’s because this is something I always did, even though I did it ten years ago and only lost £2-5 per week I’ve realised now I am no longer capable of doing that. I’ve tried the “controlled” gambling and it’s always lead me to destruction in the end.
Thank you to everyone who has made me feel so welcome here and good luck to all on their journey.
14 days today, 2 weeks sine I placed my last bet. Struggled a bit yesterday, away for the weekend, not carrying cash and asking my partner for a couple of quid to buy my niece and Ice cream really got to me, for some reason. How did it get so bad that it’s come to this?! But right now, it’s far better then other option. Whenever I walk in a shop and see those scratchcards now I just feel mad at how much money I wasted on them, I have no urge to go buy them which is good, I hope that feeling stays with me.
Thank you for posting on my diary Leedsfan.
I enjoyed reading your diary which is very positive and you have a good understanding of the addiction.
What really sticks in my mind is the words from your last post: "How did it get so bad that it has come to this?"
Had my first real thoughts of the dreaded scratch cards today. On my own at home, been left a fiver to get milk and bread and some lunch. I could’ve easily used £2 from the change to buy one and skipped lunch. But thought about it a bit more, there’s two outcomes
1.i win but then my OH I’ll ask where my extra money has come from so will prob just spend any winnings on buying more.
2. I lose and spend all day wanting more money to go get another which has to be a winner if the last one lost, right?
I KNOW I can’t just buy one like regular people who might get a couple with their shopping every week.
Day 15 and will hopefully turn into number 16 tomorrow (:
Did some shopping today, walked past the mile long queue for the lottery counter...had no urges whatsoever to buy anything, in fact I felt angry just looking at the scratchcards. Hope this feeling stays with me.
Day 17 nearly scratched off (no pun intended) looking ahead to next Tuesdays payday with confidence now.
Day 19.....had a little bit of cash on me yesterday, just to get Father’s Day stuff. It’s weird having even a few quid in my pocket scares me, what If I crumble and put a “harmless” £1 scorecast on a WC game, to make it more interesting? But no keeping focused and looking forward to a busy GF weekend.
Day 20, mad that 3 weeks ago my weekends were still being controlled by gambling. I used to “cool off” from sky bet during the week but then I’d count down the minutes until I could bet on a Saturday morning. 3 weeks ago today all I was thinking about was the Aston Villa and Liverpool games, not that I support either team of course. Anyway, enough of the past, lots to look forward to this weekend. Hen party today and family Father’s Day BBQ tomorrow.
Hope everyone has a smashing weekend!
Party loving Leedsfan sitting in the sun - 20 days gamble free and ready to have some fun.
Your weekend will certainly be one to remember for all the good reasons. Happy times today celebrating at your friends Hen Party and than tomorrow helping the menfolk celebrate fathers day.
Your post tells me that our lives can be enjoyable without gambling. Weekend memories of compulsive gamblers can be quite horrendous as we all know. Wishing you every happiness ...stephen
Stephen 67 wrote:
Party loving Leedsfan sitting in the sun - 20 days gamble free and ready to have some fun.
Your weekend will certainly be one to remember for all the good reasons. Happy times today celebrating at your friends Hen Party and than tomorrow helping the menfolk celebrate fathers day.
Your post tells me that our lives can be enjoyable without gambling. Weekend memories of compulsive gamblers can be quite horrendous as we all know. Wishing you every happiness ...stephen
Thanks Stephen for your awesome words! Hoping this weather picks up today, have a lovely Father’s Day weekend!
3 weeks GF ....payday Tuesday but my partner has worked out my budget to the last £ but it’s a relief. No payday stress for the first time in at least 2 years.
Had a lovely family BBQ today, playing with my niece and nephew, made me realise they don’t care how rich or poor you are, they just want your time. Nice that their Aunty actually took the time to play with them today instead of head being burried In a phone.
Hope everyone’s had a great weekend!
Big congrats to 3 weeks GF!
You’re doing great, Leedsfan!
Your mission tomorrow? Do not gamble.
Keep up the great work.
Dan
DeterminedDan wrote:
Big congrats to 3 weeks GF!
You’re doing great, Leedsfan!
Your mission tomorrow? Do not gamble.
Keep up the great work.
Dan
Thanks Dan and congrats on your progress too. Feeling more and more confident I can beat this with every day and week that passes.
Pleased to see you 3 weeks on the recovery road and enjoying quality time with your family.
As you rightly point out, children don't care about finances, they just want to spend time with you, playing and having fun.
I know I am a lot nicer to be with when I am not gambling. Once I've got my gambling head on I just become self absorbed, money-mad and a real pain in the neck.
Stephen 67 wrote:
Pleased to see you 3 weeks on the recovery road and enjoying quality time with your family.
I know I am a lot nicer to be with when I am not gambling. Once I've got my gambling head on I just become self absorbed, money-mad and a real pain in the neck.
How true is that last sentence! Thanks Stephen. Hope you are doing ok too x
Day 23...First Payday since not gambling
So it’s 4am, I’d usually be up at this time anyway on payday, waiting to deposit to sky bet to dabble in the virtual dogs which I’d usually have lost at least £50 by now on. I’d put all my footy bets on for the week, then when I ran out of money I’d cash those bets out too to try and win on the virtual again. Madness.
Not sure why I cant sleep now, my partner has my wage worked out for this month which includes paying off a holiday for later in the year. That’s my next goal if I can get that paid it shows I can actually save for stuff again instead of always looking for a win to find a way out.
Just wanna get a full GF pay month under my belt but trying to just think about each day right now.
Just trying to stay focused now, this is the longest I’ve gone without a single bet or scratchcard in years and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that continuing.
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