Life begins again

Evening Suzanne !!!!!!!

Happy Monday Suzanne ! Glad to see things are going well and that you're still very popular on here

Good morning diary

520 days today.

It's been 18 months now since I last took out a PD loan, and gambled every single penny of it, on online slots, in a last desperate attempt to to stop, (yes stop) My last stint was to play to finish this dangerous affair with gambling, one way or another, I remember thinking about it now, I was willing myself to lose, I wanted it to 100% beat me, because I so desparetly wanted out,

I am so grateful to my recovery, even though some days have been and still are tough, abstaining does get easier as time goes on, recovery some days gets harder because when in recovery it opens up an enormous Pandora box, I still take my recovery one day st a time, every day is different, with my feelings and thoughts lol, some days I would like to get off the recovery rollercoaster ride, and be me before gambling took hold and other days I truly embrace my recovery, (if that makes sense)

Well today I embrace my recovery, my head is held high, jeez I have abstained and maintained for 18 months and have not accrued any more debt, it's slowly but surely going down, because I have won every day in every way,

Very positive thinking for a foggy Wednesdsy morning,

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and stress free gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Good morning Suzanne,

Well done on those 520 days! That really is something to be proud of. You have come such a long way.

It may be foggy where you are, but I'm sure it will turn out nice again!!

Weather is lovely here this morning. I'm going into my 9 year-old daughters school this morning at 11:00am, to help with a cookery class! She insisted I did, as they need parents to help, and as she so nicely put it...." Well you are off work for another 2 months Dad".....I couldn't really get out of it!! I'm not exactly Gordon Ramsay, more of a fish fingers and oven chips for my culinary skill set!!

Still, I'm sure I'll get lumbered with all the washing up and a thumping headache for volunteering!! It beats gambling anyway!!

Keep staying strong Suzanne.

Ade xx

Roman Honey cakes, don't you know!! :0) lol

i'm new here - wow 520 days, that's really impressive!

Hoping I can get that far!

Well done 🙂

Hi,

520 days fab.

I can relate to your comment 're willing to lose. Deep down I wanted to be found out and hit rock bottom as it was the only escape route as far as I could see.

Typically my last bet won £200. I left the bookies in complete disgust and the money I put in the bank and thought phew - it's over. I never want to do that again. After years of losing. How daft are we?

Sending you best wishes x

Oh Suzanne, I can relate to so much of what you said. That feeling of wanting to lose so that it can all be over. I can remember sitting with tears streaming down my face as my last ever spin "just missed"....the relief was enormous. It sounds crazy given that I thought I was gambling to win! I'm so glad I didnt win that day because I know that would have just kept me in the cycle for even longer.

The lid's been lifted on my Pandora's box and it's been tough dealing with its contents, but sometimes the best results come from the hardest work....as you are proving to us all.

LifeBegins x

Double post deleted!!

Hi Suzanne,

That was a great post today! You really summed it up well. Congrats on 520 days! I still read all your posts(even got to read the one you deleted !!). Take care, Suzy

Hi Suzanne... I also relate to that feeling or wanting to lose, just to get it all over with. Its like initially you go in wanting to win, but even when the win does come, it doesn't matter anymore... it just becomes about keeping going, staying in the action until all funds depleted. because deep down we all know whats coming when we eventually stop that gambling session, the panic and the self-loathing kicks in and for me i'd just want to delay that feeling for as long as possible. When am in action I become very sick, very ill... when I stop I start to get well again.

You have been getting well for the last 18 months and more, one day at a time. Keep up the good work.

Warm regards.. S.A 🙂

521 days fantastic xxxx

Wise words in your last post and well done on 521 days clean
Cheryl xxx

Congrats on another day Suzanne! Keep up the good work. Hoping one day I will make it to 521 days!

Thank you sooo very much for your lovely posts, very much appreciated xx

Good morning diary,

Friday already lol, No work until Monday HDs is

Normally I have LM, but he is off to sunny Spain today, (had him for a few hours yesterday after work) LM means little monkey, lol

4 year olds are so inquisitive about everything :))) and get up to everything :)))) but I am already missing him lol

So my Friday is totally out of routine, stupid little thoughts have tried to creep in already, how ridiculous but I have dismissed them with ease:) lol, not a lot planned for today, but one thing is certain I won't be playing slots, in any shape or form lol.

Those days are staying firmly behind me, will keep close to the forum today, just to stay extra on top,lol.very positive thinking.

Wishing everyone a happy strong and positive gambling free day.

Suzanne xx