Life begins again

Wow 526 days.

So proud of you Suzanne for making it this far as I really know how hard it is.

You don't need to be told but keep abstaining and winning by not gambling.

Mba x

Thanks dessie, Cheryl tri and Mba xx

Good Morning diary,

527 days today.

OH has been doing a lot of extra hours the last 2 to 3 weeks, and comes home tired, but the strange thing is he is enjoying his job more than I have known him to in the past, maybe he is feeling relaxed about our money situation now, whatever it is he is happier

now than he has been for a long time, maybe he is beginning to have trust and faith in me again,

I will never be able to 100% trust myself again as far as gambling goes, so that is why my triangle stays broken and that is why, I still take every day one day at a time with everything,

Life is quite normalish, things are ticking along nicely but I know that I am near to a volcano, that could erupt when I least expect it to and at any time. so I remain one step ahead and keep aware of my every day life (if that makes sense)

Wishing everyone a positive, calm and happy gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Hi Suzanne, Yeah! , can fully relate to youre" rock bottom" . You feell completely drained of life , until there's nothing left to give to the dark side ! How nice it feels to come back into the light again !!. It's good to see your always expecting the unexpected ! Stay clear ,positive and gamble free my sister . From Alan a brother who will not gamble today !. x

Well done Suzanne, keep going, you're doing great!

One day at a time 🙂

Hello Suzanne, thank you for your comment on my diary, strong and determined at the moment, hoping it continues!

I've started to read you diary but had to stop because it's so familiar to my story and has made me feel a bit emotional, your honesty, determination and strength to beat this addiction has really shone through with every word you have written.....I will try again to read it a bit later when I'm not feeling so anxious (and once my kids are in bed lol).

Great work on 527 days, you are truely an inspiration 🙂

Good morning diary,

Another working week over, time really is flying by :))

It does not seem like a year since I was wishing Duncs a happy birthday last year lol.the difference to my life in one year is truly amazing, so many changes made by my own choice to make my life better all round.

Talking of birthdays and occasions, I have 3 family members birthday coming up between now and Monday lol.

Also my LM gets christened on Sunday, and he comes back from Spain tonight,

It's absolutely ridiciulous when I think back to my dark days in the grip of gambling, Because even though I already had the money for cards and pressies, I would gamble it to get money for pressies, and then end up losing the money I already had and then more through chasing,,and then ending up with nothing whatsoever not even enough for a card, UTTER UTTER MADNESSS,

No luck with the house yet, but have another viewing this afternoon,,don't expect anything this side of Xmas now,:(((

It will go when it goes, and then another piece of my jigsaw will be in place lol.This house still reminds me of a gambling establishment even though I have not seen my partner in crime (my laptop) for nearly 18 months lol.

Choice today abstaining and maintaining of course and moving OAU

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and happy gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Hi Suzanne,

As always, good to read that your enjoying your recovery and life is going well.

I know what you mean about gambling for christmas presents then losing everything and then not even being able to afford a card. But as you say, all in the past now. Am sure you will enjoy christmas this year. Mine will sure be better as long as i stay clean... which am determined to do.

Regards... S.A 🙂

Morning Suzanne , It's amazing how when gambling we have money for birthday presents and such like , and then choose to go and blow the lot !. We then buy a replacement on the Credit card but begrudgingly , as its money we could have used to bet with ! . What the hell's that all about ? . Thanks for your earlier comment , I think this song track thing could get well out of hand ? Still it keeps my mind off gambling !. perhaps we could all start a group ? , One direction and The only way is up ?? Oh no !! I'm off again . lol . lol. Have a great day Suzzane ! Alan who will not gamble today .

Hi Suzanne,

Thanks for touching by and look at you! Amazing achievement girl, little steps forward ☺ very proud of you my dear friend.
Ohhh that patience huh..ya know best things comes to those who waits, so keep working on it and I'm sure lovely surprise is just around the corner! Mentioning of bdays - d**n..our Juuune just had one too ☺..best drop by on her blog 😀

Take care stay safe (good job you didn't block me on FB lol..as the song goes haha...shall post it in a while ..me not violent tho 😉 )

Later gal

S x

Afternoon Suzanne,
I wish it was 588 but 568 will do lol.
529 isn't too shabby as well.
Have a great weekend.
Luv Steve xxx

Afternoon diary,

Having a S***e day to be quite honest,

The two guys that were viewing never turned up ( and I had rushed round to get house spotless) no call from estate agents either,

Reminds me of gambling you put your all in and get no fookiing return, I feel angry and frustrated just like I did when I lost at gambling, it's really P*****g me off now, I know about patience, have not learnt that quite yet.

As I said tough day dear diary, it would be so easy now to escape into slots more so than I have been since abstaining, but I know that is a ridiculous choice to make, but my inner self is soo trying it on, and I need some escape from the negativity that I have got from the selling of my house, and every day life issues, I am beginning to think that whatever feelings I have high or low, and trying to live in harmony with this fookiing addiction, It will try and catch me out whatever the stage of life I am in.

Hate this addiction that still stays close against my wishes, repeat hate it, I should be flying now, but I am not.

Do not like How I feel at the moment dear diary, I feel like I did when I first abstained, in other words S***e, ( not to that ex tempt) but if enough to think now what the hell I need some escape

The positive is I know why, I am not getting my own way of n selling the house quickly, and as a CG we all like life to,go,our way, but recovery means we don't get things all,our way, we have to look at the much bigger picture of life, to self destruct ourselves does not even make a fraction of difference on the real world, yes of course it does to our families, and that is what matters our families, gambling is nothing to compared to what our planet is Going through at this time, soo easy to escape into the lies of this horrendous addiction, I just think of the reality of real life, yes it's tough, but in truth that is what life is about,,nobody needs a crutch

That is gambling, it just makes everything worse, the addiction to gambling is an enormous magnifying glass that only magnifies in one way, the road to self destruction, and even worse a lack of knowledge or conception about our actual real selves and our lives.

Yes have had some dark thoughts this afternoon, but have totally obligated them, for today, simply by putting my thoughts on here

Suzanne X

Hi,

C'mon now and keep that guard up. Sounds like it's been one of those days that perhaps needs to finish with a vodka!!!!

I know you will make the right choice and when we are all in the same boat, you will be giving us the same advice.

Sending you best wishes xxx

Good morning diary,

What a strange day yesterday was, it started off with me being upbeat, but it just needed that one thing, folks not turning up, to really cheese me off, it should not have done, but it did, felt like an escape for a while, but it was only ridiculous thoughts, had a chat with OH, (he really does not know how close I can be at times to have a dabble lol) bless him, had a couple (OK a few voddies and then was ok) slept like a log lol.

Back on form today, I am now going to learn how to deal with any negativity that comes through, (let's face it we all get some sort of negativity somewhere nearly every day) it's life I guess.

Anyway have another viewing today (oh NOO lol) OH will be here, so he can do it for a change0))) and if they don't turn up, at Least my house is clean lol, now that is positive thinking.

Another positive is even when I had ridiculous thoughts yesterday, I chose to say NO. and saying NO does come easier now, Infact

the thought of even giving the online slots a single penny of mine, makes me cringe lol.

Wishing everyone a happy, calm, and positive gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Good morning diary.

531 today.

My LM gets christened today, soo a busy day ahead :)))

Son and LMs mother have been split up since he was 6 months old, he is now 4, but they are both in stable relationships with their new partners, even so, I had to coax my son to attend, as he feels awkward around his exes partner and the new extended family,

Am sure everything will go fine, after all it's LMs day not theirs. am not going to stress about it lol, I am going to enjoy the day. and think positive in all areas.

Wishing everyone a safe, calm and happy gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Good morning,

531. What an achievement.

Wishing you and your family a fanatastic day.

Best wishes xxx