Life begins again

Hi Suzanne,

I'm glad you enjoyed your time down south and got to spend some time with your family. Sounds like there's a lot on your plate at the moment. As Mums we can't help worry about our kids, and their problems become our problems (no matter how old they are!). Fingers crossed that all goes well with the biopsy. It's great that you know yourself so well and you realise your triggers. You're proof that no matter how many days we have under our belt, evil Mr. G is ready to strike at any time. Good on you for resisting the urge. It seems to me that life is a series of ups and downs....and sometimes there's a nice quiet bit in the middle! You have the strength to deal with the downs and you are grateful for and recognise the ups. The bits in the middle give us chance to recharge our batteries to deal with them both....oh, and get a bit of cleaning done 🙂

Keep moving OAU

LifeBegins x

Afternoon Suzanne.
Great to read you post this morning and very happy that you are beating those urges. 542 days isn't worth spoiling and lijenme you need to stay strong.
Very proud of you as well.
Luv Steve xxx

Great diary to read hopefully one day I will be were you are now, well well well well done Suzanne x

Hi,

Well done on your continued abstinence.

Although the market was not up north they were mushy, minted and vinegared!!!!!

Best wishes xx

Hi Suzanne
Hope all your family health issues are minor and you can not worry too much. We never stop worrying about our children do we?
Hope you are able to have a good weekend and keep up the good work
I am proud of you
Cheryl xxx

Hey Blondie,

Thanks for your post! Running outta time over here, (work commitments for full time workers ya know...ahhh..what would you know 😛 )

Gonna touch the base later on tonight, feel bad for not talking...and just now feel like can get bk to ppl properly..check that mailbox in a morning 😉

Be proud

Tk care

S x

I wished wrote:

Lol, Dan, and thanks Brum, GT, Steve, SA, Brum and Cheryl for your lovely support,xxxx.

Good morning diary,

542 days today.

Had a good few days away down south at my sons, even though they have a few health issues between my son and LM.

He has an appointment at the hospital today, ( he has a funny looking spot on his tongue, he is having a biopsy done on it today)

My LM (down south) has behaviour issues, not sure if it is because they do spoil him lol, or whether he has some form of OCD, but he is waiting to see a specialist, and I also saw something on FB that my granddaughter who lives in Portsmouth) had done, which initially quite shocked and upset me, 0((, so all in all a few days of different family problems in different areas, but that is what life is about living and coping with the ups and downs, without an escape route, (Ie gambling) I realise more than ever now that gambling just made every thing twice as bad and magnified it all.

Yes I would have loved a dabble yesterday, when we got home, for about 5 minutes I was seriously missing gambling, the outlet, to escape and me time, but it would have been me time to total disaster, we are on a budget for Xmas as it is lol, to have gambled yesterday, would have put a big fat zero on getting through the month never mind Xmas, because I know if I started I would not have been able to stop, and if I had won, it would all have gone back in and then the chasing, yes diary even at 18 months, there is

no way, I could have a friendly £10 dabble lol, yes I am worrying about a few things at this time that are out of my control with the outcome of them, but I can choose to say NO every time those niggles, urges, thoughts come, and choosing NO actually gives me a weird type of strength to deal with worrying stuff at this time, My recovery is giving me strength to cope with worrying issues.

Different issues and problems can crop up every day,I can't escape from them, but I can escape from the distorted hideous world of gambling, simply by continuing to totally abstain and keep maintaining. one day at a time,

I am a CG in recovery,,I am NOT an active CG at this time, so I will take that as a big fat positive to stay safe in recovery,

Sooo very proud of each and everyone of you on this forum,

Whether day 0 or day 20000 you are all here because you are all not giving up on giving up, and with that

I am wishing everyone a strong, positive and calm gambling free Thursday.

Suzanne xx

Well done for not gambling too

Keep it going slugger

Tri

thanks slugger

team gamcare, team recovery

Good afternoon diary.

546 days

Has it been an easy ride (this is my own diary ) no it hasnt, at times it has been hell so far, not to gamble it is the damage of my aftermath.

It still plagues me, the panic, guilt, devastation, of what I did, is not going away, yes it subsides, but it does come back, Ie in waking up sometimes panicking, situations that crop up, Infact any fookiing thing.

I damaged myself with this too deep ( if that makes sense) don't get me wrong, I have no desire to fookiing gamble today, it not only broke my heart, it has changed me so very much, mentally, I know I will never be what I was before this took hold, yes I have been on the happy pills I have changed what I can at this time, I put my recovery 100% first, I do (and I do feel selfish st times by done big this) I have become more of a recluse outside of my family and work friends, now, I am trying my hardest, to live all big side with it, but there are too many situations/ occasions that what I did come back into my mind, at poignant times (when I do not need them I know they are there)

0Nce again I have to say Suzylemons comment about it deep frying your brain, stays soo true to me.

Simply because yes we can abstain and maintain, but I did not realise that the aftermath of it all would affect me so much mentally now, NO I certainly don't want to gamble, I want some peace from the damage I have done to myself, and I am not talking about money, that can be replaced,

We are all different , this addiction can affect your mental well being, after a few weeks, the same as after years and years of gambling, this addiction does not hit on our time of gambling, it can hit us mentally after a few weeks.

To all the newcomers let your losses go, your frame of mind is far more important, the deeper you get in, the harder it hits on your mental health, and you can get in very deep very quickly.

Gambling is very dangerous indeed, yes some people can and do stop and move away from it lightly (thank goodness) but some people don't, I am on a rollercoaster ride today it's going down, but not where I want to gamble no way st all just regrets and reminders, that keep cropping up,,do s it make me want to gamble, does it hell, been there and back already with this hideous addiction,

As always

Wishing everyone a strong, positive, and calm gambling free day

Suzanne xx

https://youtu.be/L0MK7qz13bU

(((((Suzanne))))))

546 days is an incredible achievement. I can take some real inspiration from that. Well done Suzanne!

Well done Suzanne and keep up the good work!

Personally I know what its like to go many hundreds of days gamble free and then to go back to it.... and it was exactly the same as it was before!

Am sure you will take heed from my experiences, you have a good grip on maintaining recovery.

Regards... S.A 🙂

Good morning.

Keep up the good work. What a fantastic achievement.

Best wishes x

Thanks for your messages elp, GT, SA and Balvaird and your tune Sandra 0))) very much appreciated

Good morning diary,

As elp wrote on his diary this morning,

It's a new dawn,

It's a new day

It's a new life

and I am feeling good lol.

Amazing how my moods and feelings change like the weather, I felt soo emotional yesterday, thinking again about the damage I have done, and yet this morning I feel fine again, those negative thoughts have passed,

Yesterday was my birthday, and I was feeling unworthy of receiving cards from family and friends, (still have issues with my brothers) but they sent me cards and it made me feel quite vulnerable and guilty 0((((

Also my son and his partner treated OH and me to a lovely restaurant meal last night, it was a lovely gesture from them both,

Did not know they were taking me until yesterday morning, and I guess it sent my rollercoaster emotions on a roll lol.

At least I am beginning to understand my rollercoaster feelings more now, and why I get them,

So I will take that as a big fat positive to keep moving OAUs in my recovery journey.

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and calm gambling free day

Suzanne xx

Happy (belated) birthday x