Life begins again

Hi Suzanne
What a great post and shows that as humans we are all fragile despite how we show ourselves to others.
I hope all your forthcoming situations end positively as you show so much positivity.
Proud to be walking beside you and always here for you
Much love
Cheryl xxxx

Glad to see all is well. Giving it away is indeed an empowering thing. It will not often be willingly accepted but that's not important. Yes addiction is addiction, same soup different bowls and I'm sure your experience of it will have helped your friend greatly. Dan x

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I wished wrote:

Good morning diary,

573 days today of abstaining and maintaining, and what a rollercoaster journey I am on, but I am not clinging on tight at this time, I am holding on with determination and positivity and I am keeping my head held high.:)))

Unexpected events in my life this week, turned my recovery journey onto a different path, I gave my recovery Way to my very dear lifetime best friend who is at present in the dark depths of another addiction, alcohol dependency, but believe me she is on the same path I was on, self destruction, all addictions and false beliefs can so easily lead to self destruction.(and sadly sometimes bringing innocent down with us around us),

My friend now lives in a lovely holiday resort nr Bodrum (Turkey) and only comes back to England occasionally now, her home here is Portsmouth. I have always known she had a problem with drink, but seeing her this week, it really saddened me to see how it has progressed, and affected her health, mentally, emotionally and physically.

She has no partner and no children and is an only child, and since she lost her Father 3 years ago she has found even more solace with her drinking. The last time I saw her was just before I started my own recovery journey.

Through me finding my own recovery, I do feel I have helped her these last few days, she has now returned to Portsmouth and is flying back to Turkey on Wednesday, (we were only together for 4 days here) but I am already feeling a void with her having gone now. and am obviously very worried about her but I can only show her the way, I can't make her do it, sadly.

On a more positive note, son is having op next Friday, (thank goodness) because we will know then what the growth is, but he is drinking heavily with worrying, and that will not be doing him any good :(((

As for me dear diary, have not really thought about my own recovery this week (as I have been giving it away) but through giving my experience away, it has strengthened my resolve, I know that I must not stray from my own recovery, as it would/could let complacency in, so I am working at finding right balances at this time, and doing certain things in moderation, to keep me safe and therefore keep my family safe.

Recovery is very much one day at a time, and we must never become stagnent within our recoveries, there are new branches sprouting up,all the time on our recovery tree, and we must let them grow to keep us strong.

Wishing everyone. a strong, positive and stress free gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

PS My friend has told me about some heart wrenching stories that she has witnessed this year where she lives nr Bodrum to do with the refugees, it does put our whole planet into a new perspective, hearing her stories and the events that are happening every day, my LM is going to Disneyland Paris this Friday with his Mum, her sister and her LM, (all being well) same day as son has his op, and the same day it's one of my granddaughters birthday, I will take all of these 3 occasions as a big fat positive.

Keep safe and stay focused everyone on what really matters xxx

thanks Suzanne for the uplifting and honest shares

Enjoying your journey and thanks as always for the support

Tri xx

Good morning diary,

Monday already, another new week, lol.

Recovery enables me to deal with everyday challenges in a positive way, (still working on the staying calm way lol).

I am getting better at appreciating what I have and not panicking or feeling selfish about what I think I deserve.

Am still heavy in debt, but it is very manageable, the payments come out by standing order every month on pay day, and I don't worry about my debt (as much as maybe I should ) it's one of my scars (that's how I view it at this time) I am in no hurry to pay it off

(anyway I would have to come into a lump sum lol to pay it all off)

I am not feeling irresponsible with my gambling debt, I am living with it and not worrying about it, I think I have accepted it in real terms at this time, and that to me is a very big positive to keep strong in my recovery journey.

Every day is work in progress with different challenges and issues, but I see them, face them and deal with them, for so many years I brushed stuff (my life under the carpet so to speak) put my life on hold so many times, to help and do what others wanted me to do. at work and with family, that I really did not want to do, and I of course found my big secretive escape gambling, it sure was an escape but WOW what a self destructive escape that was in every way.

Escaping did not solve anything, and I was still brushing my life under the carpet and putting my life on a very dangerous hold, whilst I was in the grip of this addiction. I can honestly say I lived, breathed, gambling 24/7 the last 18 months, and thinking about it today, how I lived like that I really don't know, it's becoming a blurr. but I did for around 8 years, I don't feel too sad about it today, but I still find it hard to believe what I actually did I don't think I will ever get my head around this totally, but I have got my head around my recovery journey, and my life gets more positive every day within myself, and that sure is work in positive progress.

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and stress free gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

That post resonated strongly with me S.....I can only hope that one year from now I'll still be winning and will post something similar as a sign that I, like you, have found some peace and happiness in choosing to abstain.

Hi,

Many thanks for your kind post earlier. Debt is there for me 2 but being dealt with in a manegable way

You are doing absolutely fab and your posts and support you give are an inspiration to us all.

Take care and best wishes xx

Great post Suzanne , its amazing how day by day we became compulsive gamblers , I know it doesn't happen to us overnight but how I didn't notice the changes and what I'd turned into still baffles me !.

Great positivity Hun ! enjoy your gamble free evening ........................................Alan

Good morning diary,

It was freezing yesterday here yesterday, could not even get warm when I got home, the cold, the dark days, a month before Xmas can definitely be a pull to have a gamble, I think the month up to Xmas day can be very stressful, adverts do not help, nor does shopping, Xmas is everywhere and the retail sector is telling us to buy everything going, this can be hard for a CG, I am certainly keeping my triangle broken with the money, only 10 quid will be left on my card, I don't have any urges at this time, but I am keeping one step ahead lol.

LM is not going to Disneyland Paris this Friday now, my sons ex has cancelled the trip, I feel relieved about that, that worry has gone now :)) they have rebooked it for February, he is only 4 so he won't really understand the time scale, bless him.

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and calm gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Hi Suzanne

Thanks for your post on my diary.

Keep strong and take care

Ade xx

Hey up Blondie, got back safe & sound yesterday but thanks for the message 🙂

Sounds pretty hectic out your way @ the moment to say the least! We've just decided that it's names in a hat (well on Elfster actually, one of the 'kids' knew about the site) & only buying for one person this year to take the pressure off of present hunting & finances, maybe worth a look @? The kids are exempt but it means us adults don't end up with housefulls of tut that we need to keep to give away next year & hope it doesn't go back from whence it came 😉

Keep doing what you do but remember to be kind to you ODAAT - Juuuuune

Good morning diary,

Feeling somewhat stressed this morning, to do with son having his op tomorrow, he is not well at all, because he is stressing about it:))

My bestie friend arrived home safely last night (in Turkey) so feel somewhat relieved about her.

I think I am stressing because my son is stressing, but I am sure he will be fine, can't wait to get his op over with, just wished I lived nearer to him, so I could give him physical support, :(((

Anyway thinking positive and looking after me in my recovery, and therefore looking after OH and family.

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and happy gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Morning Suzanne , Just popping by to wish you well and hoping everything goes well with your son , I'm sure he'll be fine but its always a stressfull time for everyone concerned !

Take care Honey and am thinking of you !! .................................................Alan x

Good morning,

Thank you for your kind post on my diary.

Hoping everything's goes well tomorrow.

Keeping everything crossed and sending best wishes xx

Hope all is well :0)

Thank you B, Alan and PK for your kind concern :))

Good afternoon dear diary,

Firstly I want to just express my feelings at the moment, pure bliss, because it is so peaceful here.

Have had LM (4 now) from early this morning till 10 minutes ago, forget about the naughty 2s naughty 4s are worse lol.

He has been a little b****r today, lol, bless him, I know it's not because he should be in Disneyland, he does not understand that one, he is quite happy to go when his mum takes him, he is too excited because of Xmas coming up I think lol.

Son has not had op today because he still has a nasty chest infection 0(( he starved himself last night from 12 but the consultant said it would be too risky to operate today, as it could make his chest infection worse, so it's been postponed, but the consultant does not think it is anything nasty, so that is very positive, son sounds suddenly a lot more positive and that is what counts.

As I am writing this down, I am thinking what if I turned to my addiction this last couple of weeks or even days, apart from the obvious, self destruction, because I would not have stopped, but it would have been for no point whatsoever, because the op is still

ongoing, there is no point whatsoever in going back, no matter what stress/happiness/ or whatever we are experiencing, no point at all, gambling does not solve anything, it just makes everything worse.

Dan has written on his thread about priorities, might seem strange to some, but I have to put my recovery first, I did yesterday, do today, and will tomorrow, because if I don't, I put what is dear to me at risk, and that is simply my family and friends.

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and happy gambling free day.

Suzanne xx