Life begins again

Thanks for your msg suz.. I do feel better because i have been out for a run this morning and back home for a cooked breakfast (i know one counteracts the other) ... Just going to give the house a good clean and settle down and watch this afternoons golf before ill go for a cycle this evening. Im using this theory that if im doing something then i wont be tempted into doing things that aren't going to help in my recovery. Thanks again for your message.

Hey S

Wow, some good days racking up there and well girl - be proud!! Time heals a lot of wounds, every day u abstain is a day closer to the peace and happiness you so deserve. Keep at it, you are the one in control, reap all good things out of this journey, they are for free and so much better.

The time and effort you put into this site is amazing. Helping others is a huge leap forward for yourself. I see your determination and strength, feel your belief to make that change and make things better. I get inspiration and peace seeing your posts. What else could I ask for? Not much...just keep it up!!! And of course enjoy your life (with more warm sun in it) 🙂

Take care

S x

Hi Suzanne

Well done on keeping away from gambling

Take care

Hi Suzanne,

Many thanks for your post on my diary. It is marvellous that you are nearly at 90 days gamble free. Well done you!!

I agree about the pay day loans, I am convinced the 2 industries work hand in hand and whilst in the throws of our illness we fail to see they are all money grabbing thieves. Whilst we affiliate ourselves to both we will never win. I daren't ever try to tot up the amount of money I have paid back to the lenders inc the interest. Anyway, at least we can resolve to stay clean of the gambling and pay day industries and keep our money in our own banks/purses where it belongs.

Keep up your fantastic work, Continue to take one day at a time and you have won.

Best wishes as always

Hope x

Afternoon diary

Day 82 and staying very determined and strong to not spend even one penny on such a self destructive addiction that I got into without realising it

Rose coloured glasses my mum used to say so I have definitely taken mine off today

I cannot believe before I went to work this morning I had a feeling of really missing that addiction and felt lost but I was looking through rose coloured glasses

How the hell can I miss something that has taken everything from my well being from me and is now asking for more

I have no intention of going back there why would I it's had everything from me I can't give what I have not got

The most positive of this is I have no more to give it and I can move on and away because my life has begun again and gambling has no part in it

I will not be gambling today I have thrown my rose coloured glasses away

Wishing everyone a determined strong and positive free gambling day today

Suzanne xx

PS thank you mum miss you very much today and I wished you were still here but I know you are around me xx

Suzanne,

Thank you for your words and support. Your diary post today is inspirational and you should be very proud of your achievement. The best is still to come!

Mark

Thank you for posting on my dairy.you anlong with many others on here help my recovery so much as I dont want to let you,s down either. Stay strong,take care

Scottyboy

Dear Suzanne.Thanks for posting on my diary and well done on day 82!Reading your diary keeps me strong and for that I give you many Thanks.Keep up the good work!Best Wishes Jaynie xx

Dear diary

Thoughts tonight

OH has just taken son and girlfriend to airport as they are off on hols to Zante for 10 days The round trip will take him two hours and he happily took them knowing there is no holiday for us this year even though he has worked hard all year and truly deserves a holiday but has has unselfishly offered to take them at this time of night and he won't say that could have been us if I had not selfishly wiped us both out and got both of us into debt through gambling

He is an amazing man to stick by me and support me

But he does it because we are totally honest with each other about my addiction and he believes in me

We have not had a proper holiday for 4 years now because of my gambling he never knew until April this year how much damage my CG had done because I lied borrowed and lied and borrowed and stole off him and took PD loans out in his name as well as my own name

This addiction changed me in everyway I even kidded myself another 1000 gone well it would only have gone on a holiday we will have one next year I would rather gamble where on earth did those thoughts come from I lived only for gambling I lost so much on the way At the end I entered a very dark place and I came on this forum and just read and read stories about people just like me

It took me two weeks to have the courage to sign up on here and start my diary

And now only 83 days later (can say 83 it's Sunday) I really do feel like a different person I cannot believe looking back on 83 days ago that I was that person who simply thought of nothing but feeding that addiction and not even worrying about the consequences

I don't honestly know what would of become of me if I had not admitted defeat to the self destructive addiction

We are living on oennies at the moment but all essential bills are now up to date and those payday debts are going down

2 payday loans paid off and we are getting by one day at a time and by October our finances will be slightly better as these loans go down

It will take me years to pay off my bank loans and credit cards and overdrafts but we can live ok once we have paid off the PD loans

What I am trying to say to myself is I am proud yes proud of myself tonight because I have come so far in 83 days what I have achieved and done to turn my life around and get another chance from this amazing man I share my life with just think what I can achieve in another 83 days I will have money to see my family more I will be able to buy new clothes for me and OH I won't have to watch every penny the list is endless and so promising as long as I keep strong determined and very positive in abstaining from an addiction that f****d my life up but only for a while and that is sooo positive for me it won't have me again I have too much to lose because I have gained so much through abstaining I have gained my LIFE back and I am not giving it away again

One day at a time I will abstain and maintain and therefore gain it really is the only way to go to live a normal healthy and sane life

Thank you diary for letting me put my thoughts down I must never forget this journey Because I never want to live like this again

Suzanne xx

Suzanne

good morning I am so glad to see that your resolve to continue to arrest the compulsion to gamble grows,for me to see you keep turning on the 'lights' to continued recovery is something to behold.

You really have embraced the job in hand,that effort you give I hope will not only reward you but your oh too,another innocent victim of the addiction,like my wife he has stood by,he is I believe to recovering.

The facts are simple for me,when you stop the cycle,break from addiction,you have to be 100% honest,all the debt has to come out,all the cards on the table so to speak,it gifts the power of recovery to the addict,there is nothing left to hide,no secrets addiction can taunt you with,f**k addiction beat us with a stick every day we gambled,today you hold the stick.

Holidays will come again,they will be worth the effort,the simple things in my life today the things folk take for granted are special,the fact I can state I am LIVING outweighs whatever gambling offered in a way no win could beat.

Keep making the right choice my friend.

Recovery gifted you a belief,embrace that,enjoy it.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Well done Suzanne on your continued gamble free. Your thoughts are changing and getting stronger, we don't need gambling in our lives. Keep going.

Shaun

That was a very touching post you made there.you have come a long way,keep up your good work and before you know it your debts will no longer with you.like your man my wife is so understanding and doing the same for me.i am trying the even more harder for her aswel as me. Be good to yourself for the excellent work you have done so far.

Scottyboy

Hi Suzanne,

Thank you as always for posting on my diary, you certainly are a great support.

I can't believe how alike our family lives are at the moment, it could have been myself you were writing about in your very moving post.

Our partners have been absolute rocks and how horrendous it must have been for them, I often wonder if I would have tolerated the same behaviour had the boot been on the other foot but cant express how grateful I am for the loving supportive husband's both you and I have and many others out there who are suffering too.

Suzanne, you have done brilliantly and remain so positive, absolutely well done and deep up this fantastic work.

Best wishes as always and taking one day at a time.

Hope X

Evening diary

Day 83 nearly done and dusted and tomorrow is 12 whole weeks I have abstained and maintained by not spending sweet f A on gambling and it's feels soo good

I have had a me And OH day today and not forgetting doggie nice to just get in the car and drive somewhere where doggie could have a good run nice day with NO worries about GAMBLING

So why would I even think about GAMBLING well I have not for today and that is sooo positive for me

I will not be playing today because give me just one good reason why I should and even then I still wouldn't

Wishing everyone a happy peaceful and positive gambling free evening

Suzanne xx

Hi Suze.

12 weeks sounds better than 83 days!!!

So glad to hear you are coming out of the black hole....life is so much better on the other side,

Keep up the positive attitude...just what this site needs.

Much love....Sue x