Life begins again

Morning S.A

Hope you are feeling better this morning

Like you none of my brothers have any addictive issues or money problems Infact they are both quite wealthy I always was the black sheep of the family andI know they just would not understand my addiction in any way they would be totally disgusted with me I think

But as you say we made the mess it's our problem

We certainly did make the bed didn't we lol

I am finding it very hard and stressful about visiting and seeing family because it does involve money and expense I just don't have now Am sure my brothers think I don't care little do they know and when I think about it they never come and visit me

My niece is getting married in August in Kent that weekend would cost us with overnight accommodation around 500 we just do not have that money right now so I will have to disappoint my brother and niece again

No point in borrowing more money I need to get out of debt not add to it this is all my fault and I will have to ride through it it's total s**t isn't it what gambling has done to us

we are very similar in some circumstances I know I am only 10 mins away from a bet if I gave in so that 10 mins gets me back into some kind of control

Also I never was an A person at school more like a B or C my brothers were all A s ofcourse but never bothered me and still doesn't I am happy with being a C or B

Wishing you a strong and peaceful and more positive day today S.A

Am walking slowly but with head held high beside you

Take care

Suzanne xx

Hi suzanne your doing great , dont let anything get in way of your recovery. Your so close to 100 , from then on skys your limit so to speak.

were all only minutes away from next bet , always can find way to bet if really want to. For today i dont , so much more to life.

Take care enjoy visiting your family , take care of yourself xx

try not to stress about money ,i know easier said than done as i do daily , but far more important things. It will sort itself out in time , worry only about what you can really control.

everything else what will be will be.

btw you heard from jess who on here , am concerned for her??

Know you posted bit on hers as kindly have mine

seeing how well your doing keeps me going , cr** day in office tmrw got disciplinary , but hey only one day . Sure weekend will be better.

fact is cr** days are part of life , no reason to gamble

fitzy

Hi girl

Thanx for your support and message on my tread. Roller coaster eh..hate them lol but just can't avoid that sickening feeling going down. ..but hey..looking at the positive side, they do go back up. Medium and balance is all I'm looking for, slow and steady ride ahead..it is there, and I am joining the ride with all of you dear soldiers.

Chin up girl , getting closer to that milestone. .and then another and another, keep making the right choice, there is no place for self destruction in our lives. Keep at it and reap the benefits this abstinence gifts. Be proud

Have a lovely weekend and take care

S x

Afternoon diary

95 whole days without spending even one penny on gambling of any form and it feels good to say that

Finished my late and early shift with only seven hours in between and have tomorrow to go and then one whole week off from work

My son has been hinting about buying my laptop for a few weeks now as his girlfriends computer is trashed and so yesterday I made the decision to sell it to him for 100 (it's only gathering dust in OHs locker ) and it will give us some extra cash for the week to spend on my two granddaughters day out and treats which will give me much pleAsure and then satisfaction to get rid of it

Just having a bit more cash for our week off makes me feel less stressed and much more positive (I wonder what else we can sell that we don't use

Lol) cos for sure I knew I would never touch that laptop again so it's sparkling clean now of any cobwebs and everything deleted from it and I say good riddance to it

Another big positive for me and my OH who bless him saw it every morning in his locker (not good)

It's ridiculous really that I am so chuffed I have a 100 to spend on enjoyment when I thought nothing of spending 1000s on feeding that f*****g addiction which was no enjoyment at all just compulsion

And I feel even more positive we can treat the girls without having to borrow any more money Or even worse try and win some

Bye bye laptop and bye bye gambling I am gaining control of my life again and it feels good honest and sane

One day at a time I will continue to stay in control simply by choosing not to play

I will not be playing today I am in 100% control day

Wishing everyone on here a happy positive and in control gambling free day

Suzanne xx

Suzanne

Another great post your positive attitude is fantastic.

I hope you enjoy the upcoming break for all it is worth,one thing for sure with continued abstinence you will enjoy it even more.

Abstain and maintain

A gift to yourself that will ensure the winning streak continues

And to boot it will have a profound effect upon those you hold dear

Enjoy those rewards my dear friend

They are worth more than any win

They are truly priceless

Duncs stepping forward never back

Well done Suzanne! I know exactly what you mean, I am just in the process of selling my computer which I associate so much with gambling. Leave the past where it belongs and make the future bright.

Mark x

Good morning diary

96 days clean not even one penny spent on gambling and getting stronger and more in control

Son just picked up my laptop (which was my partner in crime ) lol and it has now left the room so to speak

Bye bye laptop have not missed you in over 3 months so sure am not going to start missing you now

Last shift at work soon and then a week off so feeling quite good and positive today

Good things do start to happen even if slowly once we maintain abstaining

I feel no guilt or shame or stress or despair today because I have not been playing how POSITIVE is that

I will not be playing today because I like the feeling of feeling normal and sane

Wishing everyone a positive peaceful and strong day today

Suzanne xx

Well done your doing fantastic,keep up the hard work 😉 you will hit the 100 mark before you know it.

Scottyboy

Evening diary

Well one week off now from work and I feel dare I say released that's now I feel not with work but gambling tonight I know I won't gamble tonight or tomorrow even though I am taking one day at a time I can see the bigger picture now and gambling is and always will be a waste of my time my life and hurting my family's life that is so important we don't realise how much we hurt them directly or indirectly when we are in the oblivion of the selfish destructive addiction

We are skint after paying my gambling debts off we can't go away on holiday (but we have not had a proper hol for 4 years because of me) but I never saw red till I hit rock bottom I know everyone's rock bottom is different but mine was when I gave my all and everyone's around me and I still would have given more if I could have got it I could not find any way to give any more I was so much in despair because I could not feed it any more not what I had done to my life and everyone around me Gambling had taken my whole life Away it was all I thought of day and night I was simply obsessed with it nothing else mattered How sad was that

But I have changed my life it's still on my mind but not to gamble but to abstain and maintain And as each day goes by I am getting more in control of keeping abstaining and maintaining because it really is the only way to go to get happy tomorrow

I have been skint for over 3 months now and this will continue for another 3 months and then we will able to not count every penny it will still be tight but a dam sight better than now so why would I really want to go back to gambling well I don't so I will continue to abstain and maintain one day at a time and stay in control one day at a time and you can't get more positive than that

Positiveness and self control is my key tonight and tomorrow

Wishing everyone a positive and self controlling evening

Suzanne xx

Morning Suzanne

Full of admiration for you , you realise it's still tough at the moment but your determination shines through in making the right choices so that you can live that better life

Keep looking forward the past is gone we can't cap hanged that the future we can though

Castle2

Hi Suzanne

I have reached 100 days today, thanks for all the encouragement on my diary. Looking forward to when I can congratulate you in a few days on your achievement.

Good luck and keep strong.

Shaun

Hi Suzanne,

Thanx for the post and all is good over here. Hope your having great, positive and g free day. Nearly first milestone reached - keep up good work. It will only get better.

Take care

S x

Well thanks for the post and Congrats on your free days.

Oh you just know there was more than a few beers flowing down this throat yesterday and did help with today. LOL

Just keep doing what your doing cause Yup It's working.

Thanks soul x

Good evening diary

97 days and not even one penny spent on any form of gambling

Having a lovely time in Essex with my family staying in control and positive abstaining and maintaining no thoughts of gambling at all today

I will not be playing tonight because I am just not interested at all

Have a good peaceful and positive gambling free evening all

Suzanne xx

Hi Suzanne,

Lovely to read your positive thoughts and your will to defeat this addiction, I'm also approaching paying off my gambling debts after another wasted year of overtime and freelance work, but the hope of what lies after is genuinely positive, and I hope you can see that approaching too.

Three months is no mean feat, well done and keep it up, and hope Essex continues to be a gamble free zone for you!

Ryan