Yo,
Good to have you back!
In reply everything in my life effects my addictions .
Coping day to day with happiness, stress, sadness what ever. So I chit chat maybe that's us having a good day .
Who knows ? I do believe in that recovery is bespoke and what ever gets you through the day .
I have never counted , and have often expressed that for me it always felt like a count down till the next relapse . How right was that as after a long sustained period in recovery I fell off the wagon.
Keep posting mate , I enjoy the debate , as at times this site can feel much of a muchness . I think after a while some are looking for the what's next , I know I for one are one of those people . Your views take my thoughts to another level for that I thank you .
I wish you well as always and have no doubt we will b**t heads at times 🙂
Shiny xx
Tomso / Lazarus / D123 / Shiny - thanks for posts of support and encouragement.
I am treating Random gambling like the end of a 20 year relationship with a spouse - I am looking it in the eye and saying - You havent really done anything wrong, but we have become different people. We have had some great times, and some awful times. You have been there for me when I needed you. I have come to you for support and escape and love and fun and when it hasnt all been a bed of roses it has been my fault not yours. I have been hopelessly in love with your for over 20 years even though you havent always loved me back. I will always love you, I will think about you every day, but I just cant live with you and I cant see you anymore. I know you have cheated on me with many others so in the long run I will miss you a lot more than you will miss me.
Captain
Been following ur diary and still relate to loads u say its so hard to let go , I know how hard it is been on ur own other than my nine year old daughter were very similar no partner to support us no one to look after the finances some days its a long hard slog and I really get the bit bout gambling playing a big part in ur life can't live with it can't live without it , I think if u had that control u could be happy in life with no issues , like us all though we can't control it and therefore the bad days wil come
Recovery is bespoke and I think everyone fully respects yours and importantly we lake a lot from u and put it into our own , with work and my daughter it takes a lot of my life up without either my life would be very different and know gambling could then play a big part in it as life would leave me with very little to offer and when gambling played such a big part of my life for many years its hard to change that , my my daughter is my only motivation it has helped I truly focus on her I dont read racing pages or watch it on tv I just blank it all out for now thats working
No advice to give u at all I really just enjoy reading ur threads and always take something out of them , I hope u do find that balance in life and work out the best way forward with regards to gambling
As always full respect to u with ur honesty and everything u bring to this forum , I hope u keep posting as u bring more than u think and are helping many others
Castle2
Almost a month now without any random gambling and no urges to do so. Only 4 golf bets over that period.
Remain concerned for my health. Without the buzz of random gambling I am flat, no mojo as someone aptly described it before. Doing everything in a robotic way to a schedule whether at work or home, lack enthusiasm and can only see this pattern continuing. Good that I have my Golf bets and will bet on football when new season kicks off but without random I am not the same guy my health and well being suffers.
Captain
fella your posts always evoke thought, i found myself reading your latest over and over.
From it I conclude its like a note to that ex lover the one whom you came home to find with your best mate in bed, and after promising to never do it again you find the next day the milkman and postman in the cupboard!!!
You know that it will continue to break you, lie cheat and deprive you of any outcome that is anything other than losses financial and emotional yet you still want it.
For me my life as a compulsive gambler was detrimental to my health, through abstinence i have addressed my weight, blood pressure, knees and packed up a twenty a day habit to which i couldn't give a f**k about whilst at it.
Gambling stole my mojo, my zest for living, it used to yo yo it back to me to tempt me back at it.
As a compulsive gambler i would live for the bets placed, my future depended on the outcome, all short term goals, never reached because if i won, well i would go straight back at it, if i lost i would chase it.
The same outcome.
My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler
I cannot win because i cannot stop.
Through abstinence i found my mojo, well took it back.
My hope for you fella, you find yours.
I am confident to say as a compulsive gambler you won't find it in a bet!!! That just feeds the next.
Take care of yourself my friend.
Do what works for you
Duncs stepping forward never back.
That's a month for me with no random gambling. I have deleted my history in this area in my head. Looking ahead and not over my shoulder. I have removed the tattoo from my skin but I will always have the scars. I didn't fail because i never set out to succeed. Appreciate support as sports bets only continue in the future. Hope everyone on here can understand that a month without random for me is the same as a month complete abstinence for others.
I'd rather random gamble each day but I can't as I can't control it so it's confined to history and memory now.
Cap,
Good for you and I am glad you are feeling the benefits of your recent good work.
I know you are thick skinned and won't take what I am about to say too hard. You often find smokers go through their life telling themselves that they smoke because they like it but the only reason a smoker continues to smoke is because he is addicted to nicotine. Even the most arrogant smoker would love to go back to the time before he started and erase that history from his life. No smoker in his right mind would encourage his kids to smoke. I think the same with gamblers. I convinced myself for years that I gambled for money and for the buzz and that I enjoyed the thrill but this is just an illusion. Gambling has caused me so much stress and worry over the past few years that there is no way on earth I could honestly believe the only reason I do it is through enjoyment. I enjoy a good curry but I don't need to have one every day. I gamble because I am a gambling addict in the same way as I smoke because I am a nicotine addict. If every member on this forum was to go a year without gambling we would not be posting about how unhappy our past year has been. Instead, we would be on here congratulating ourselves on how we have turned our lives around telling stories of our new found freedom, peace and happiness.
I know you mention how you enjoy sports betting and cannot ever see yourself going without it but I often wonder how much of this is true and how much is down to the addiction.
Tomso.
Good to see you in a good place m8.
Im lost myself without the football kid,but these days not in a gambling sense.
I enjoy it more than ever now and cant wait for it to restart.I hope things continue to go well for you captain.All the best Jeff.
Tomso/Jeff, thanks for posts.
Tomso - Yes you are right I am thick skinned and a good thought provoking post you have made.
My analysis of my addiction and my experiences and conclusion overthe past 5 years since admitting I have a problem is that I was able to categorise my gambling activity into eventually two main categories -
Category 1 - quick win, quick lose, multi betting gambling, which I term random - so horse racing, dogs, virtual - I love it all but I am addicted to it and cannot control my gambling on it in terms of amounts and time spent. I did manage through slef-exclusion and filling my time with other hobbies to reduce my activity to around an hour a day (from at one point average 3 hours a day) but I concluded that it wasnt the amount of time spent which was the problem it was that the end result was the same, there would be one or two days, typically once a month, where I would lose all I had.
My analysis of gambling on random showed that I chased losses, couldnt control amounts being gambled, sometimes didnt know how much I had lost at the end of the day, had sleepless nights, borrowed money, increased debts, gambled when I didnt plan to, bet stupid amounts on random numbers and names. The only positive is that it helps my confidence and well being because I am 'in the action' all the time.
Category 2 - sports gambling on Football, Golf, Tennis, Snooker
Quite simply none of the above applies. I never bet ludicrous amounts of money, always afforable, always based on knowledge of the subject, never impulsive, always considered in advance. I have never placed a sports bet unintentionally. I have placed thousands of random bets unplanned and out of control. I have lost over £600,000 over the years estimated not including current debts. Only a small percentage has been on sports.
So for category 2 I dont show any of the traits of a compulsive gambler. The only problems have occured as a knock-on effect where I go into a bookmakers to bet on sport and start gambling on random after placing my sports bet. Or during periods where I cannot identify any sports bets and have not been able to just focus on other parts of life and have gone random gambling.
I'm confident without being complacent that my random days are behind me.
I would never encourage anyone to start gambling as a hobby given my category 1 random experiences. But I believe I am an addict and a compulsive gambler on Category 1 but involved in Category 2 for enjoyment and as a hobby. Just like any other hobby that someone loves and spends money on each week.
Cap,
Fair comments and I take your point. It might be denial but I often don't think of myself as a problem gambler I think I just have a problem with roulette. Like you say, I have absolutely no problem whatsoever with football betting. I have never placed large sums and up until roulette introduced me to large losses I could accept my football coupon losing and not giving it a second thought. However, I can't bet on anything now because if I bet on football and lose I will now try to win it back on roulette. If I win my football coupon I will try to use it to win more on roulette. Basically, roulette has totally wrecked my chances of putting on a nice football accumulator which I absolutely loved doing. Also, I know this is probably denial but I think I have a good knowledge of football especially lower league and before desperation set in I used to win. Ironically, I used to put about a tenner on my coupon but would put several hundreds in the roulette machine. Mental.
Tomso.
Captain
Fella as always I respect your imput to the forum, I have to ask this question if I may
When is a bet not the random outcome of an event??
Unless you have the inside track on a sporting event which if I am not mistaken is illegal and has landed a number of folk in jail, all sporting events have a random outcome, this is why there are odds on each competitor.
It just feels like you are dodging a bullet by picking certain events to gamble upon, as for me the switch will go at some point and the destructive betting will ensue, as for me one bet was simply never enough, the was never an end game, no goals.
Do you set yourself a goal?
What if you dont reach it, as a rule I have found compulsive gamblers hate to lose, it used to eat away at me, until I fed it.
Fella I hope it continues to work for you, to try and cut out the rotten bits is a brave thing to do, me I took away the whole tumour, but recovery is bespoke, we all have to find a way that works for us.
Keep doing what suits you.
Duncs stepping forward never back.
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