Life With Sports Bets Only

Captain, 

For the record, I’m quite enjoying our communication too. Just in case you weren’t aware ? Some of the things you say make me smile, and I really hope it’s the same for you. I have to add, communicating like this, you don’t seem as sad. Whenever I have spoken to you in the chat room you always seem so very sad. 

With regard to films, one of my all time favourites is Grease. Absolutely love it. It gives me shivers. Dirty Dancing not bad. Ohhh yes, The Way We Were, Streisand & Redford, I cry every time I watch it. We are definitely going to persevere with The Adulterer, so will keep you posted on that! For the record, I’ve never experienced an affair. So I only have my imagination……

Im sure whilst in a relationship if things were going well that would have a good impact on you with regards to gambling. On the same hand, if you have an argument the first thing you turn to is your escape mechanism - That buzz we crave! My relationship with my OH is pretty good. I didn’t gamble initially to escape from anything  for me it was an extra bit of fun, an added bonus. I only ever wanted to lose everything when I knew I’d got to the point of no return. I just wanted to end the misery ASAP. Plan of action being - I’d never do it again. But of course, a few days or even day later I did. I’d forget that awful low feeling. That feeling when you lose everything you can possibly get your hands on! I’d just want to get that buzz rolling again. Another day another dollar ? Back in March my Father was diagnosed with bowel cancer. I turned to gambling again, this time to take my mind off my Dads diagnosis (or so I told myself) in two months I’d borrowed over 10k off my OH. Fortunately Dads had a big operation, which will take months for him to recover, but his prognosis is good. Which makes me very happy and for that I count our lucky stars ⭐️ 

The weather certainly changed here today, been raining off and on for most of the day. We went to bingo again this afternoon. Again I didn’t lose. 

I haven’t read Agassi’s autobiography no, I’m not that much of a reader tbh. But, now you’ve said it’s good I will definitely look into possibly purchasing it. 

Have a good evening Captain. Oh, that’s what I wanted to ask you… why did you call yourself Captain46? Any relevance?

T xx

Hey Captain,

Just checking in with you before bed. Hope you’re ok, I haven’t heard from you in a couple of days. 

I ordered Agassi’s autobiography. It was just over £3 on eBay, second hand. Bargain!

We watched another episode of The Adulterer tonight. I believe it was episode 5. It’s pretty good and after a while you seem to forget it’s subtitles! 

Previously you asked if bingo/slots was the first thing on my mind when I wake. I’m not sure if it’s the first thing, but it’s certainly up there! I can certainly understand what you said about “tolerating” a wonderful holiday because of your addiction. Before I realised I had a problem, I used to say to my partner if I won a million, or was a millionaire I’d play online slots etc all day long. I mean - really? How f*****g sad is that? It’s the buzz Captain pure and simple. And you and I both know how that’d end up. Raised stakes, eventually losing the lot, because I’d/we’d never be satisfied. It’s a sad life. I don’t think there’s always an answer as to why. Of course for some there is, just not everyone. 

Take care, T xx

Captain,

Thanks for your message. I could feel you wasn’t as jovial as you have been in previous posts. I’m sorry to hear you had a bad weekend. That makes me feel sad, so much so I have tears in my eyes as I write this to you. I am a woman mind, and definitely menopausal, so it doesn’t take too much! 

Captain you cannot change the past, your past. It’s gone. You cannot allow gambling to define you. Only you can ensure it does not ruin the next 20 years of your life.  You have to “accept” what has happened. “Accept” you made those bad choices. Okay, so you should be a hell of a lot better off than you’re going to be in the coming years, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. You’ve mentioned about your house and not having the money to pay it off in a few years time. Again, that’s something you have to come to terms with. A smaller man pad has advantages. 

I get that with all of the above, and you still having deep desires to gamble, it must be so difficult. You need to try and make a positive plan for your future. 

Before I realised I was a CG, there were times when I didn’t go to bingo. I just didn’t want to. I think I didn’t go for maybe 12/18 months. But I remember walking in those doors, seeing the fruit machines and feeling that big massive urge to play. I couldn’t understand how after so many months of not playing the urge was so strong. 

You spoke of the winning days. How you could have many. So many CG can win money, they just cannot keep it. I’ve read so many stories (on a Facebook group) of people going to the casino and doubling or trebling their stake but never being able to stop right there. Not leaving the casino until they are penniless. Even spending their petrol/cab money, so they have to walk the five mile journey home. I spoke to a guy once who had been in prison for his crimes. The sad, desperate measures gambling drives people to. And all for that f*****g buzz. 

It’s late, I need my beauty sleep! 
T xx

Good Evening Captain,

Again, thanks for your message on my diary ?

Open by Agassi arrived today - quick eh! 

You are still very early in your journey Captain, Rome wasn’t built in a day. And I know you’ve spent many years being a gambler, so it will take time. Your outlook/hope is achievable.

Yes, for the time being I am cont

Captain I don’t believe it, iPad posted message before I’d finished - thought I’d edit, typed loads, clicked send - time for editing has expired!!!!!

So I was saying, yes, for the time being I am continuing playing land bingo and slots. We went this afternoon. We both won a few hundred (very unusual) and walked out the door. So many of us CG’s are able to win, it isn’t difficult. What I find difficult is not chasing. Like you, as soon as I start to lose (regardless of whether I’d won £2000 over the previous week) I raise stakes, go all out. I’m totally out of control!!! Being able to walk in and walk out gives me more control. And, one can only get x amount of a cash machine in one day. All things that allow me to have a “flutter” that bit of “fun” but, I will always leave. Online is the total opposite. Hope this makes sense. 

I think your outlook for the future is a good one. You are still very early in your road of abstinence. And, you’ve spent many, many years gambling. 

I will look up Striking Out on google. We started watching Lie To Me, it started on channel5 on Monday, there are only 4 episodes, but the first one we really enjoyed. 

You seemed happier when you posted earlier (if one can detect happiness from posts ?) 

Have a pleasant evening Captain, I do intend to find out the relevance of Captain46 one day ?

Teresa ?xx

Hi again Captain46,

re only me posting on your diary, quality over quantity every time!

When you talk about your plan of gambling etc and how you could stick to it on some days I can relate. Well, tbh I can relate to quite a lot of things you share. And I think this is key. We all are CG’s, and even though we gamble on very, very different things, so much is still similar. You’re right, we do have knowledge in our *field*. And because we are able to win, I’ll repeat again, IT IS SO EASY TO GET AHEAD IN GAMBLING. But we cannot just stop. Whatever we win will always go back, be it today tomorrow or next week, the industry will always get it back.

As I say, I haven’t gambled online for 6 weeks now. But land gambling is helping fill that void. I can honestly say bingo causes me no issue at all with regard to compulsive behaviour 100%…..I can act compulsive when playing land slots. Deep down Captain I know it’s not ideal, but it’s how I’m playing it right now. 

We’ll have to try to push that happiness up to a 7/8 by the end of the year. I’m generally quite a happy person, but I too have my moments. I guess we all do. 

Sorry to say I didn’t watch Big Deal. I looked it up on google and the guys face looks a tad familiar, but I couldn’t tell you anything about the programme. Comedy has never been my thing. 

I was intending on starting Agassi’s autobiography tonight, instead I’ve sent you another message. Agassi can wait until tomorrow ?

Goodnight Captain 

Tizzy xx

Hi Captain, I hope you’re well.

I’ve been pretty busy over the last couple of days. But I just wanted to check in and say hello! I haven’t been to bingo either ?, although we’re going tonight. 

I haven’t even started on Agassi yet! I’m just about to pop to the local nail bar and get a little pampering. 

I will respond to your previous message when I have a little more time.

Sending happy vibes,

Tizzy xx

Good Evening Captain,

I understand and agree your point about problem gamblers v compulsive gamblers, they are different. But I guess they could turn into a compulsive gambler eventually. So surely them seeking help on a forum before that possibly happens isn’t a bad thing. I have not always been a compulsive gambler; but I wouldn’t be able to tell you when things changed and what happened to make me into one.

In answer to your question about the buzz I get from gambling. I get no gambling buzz from bingo. It is fun, it is a hobby. There is no chasing element. If I win, I walk away with it. I do get a buzz from land slots, but I don’t chase or spend like I do online. It’s a difficult one, but I do think the buzz is greater online. A few months ago I was spending probably 15 hours a day (if funds allowed) playing online slots. And even when I’d go off to do something (shower, cook or housework) I’d leave the iPad playing the slots on auto play. I mean honestly. This evening I played slots for probably 30 mins maximum, I made a profit and walked away. That wouldn’t happen if I was playing online. As I say, deep down I’m not saying it’s right for me, but it’s what I’m choosing to do right now. If things were to change, I’d have to reassess the situation. 

You mentioned the other day that you went into the bookies. How did this make you feel? You said you feel the need to do it occasionally. I’ve only ever stepped foot in a bookies 3 or 4 times in my life. Amusement arcades, I’ve been in hundreds! 

I enjoyed my pampering this afternoon. It’s the first time I’ve been back since COVID struck. Have you been vaccinated out of curiosity? Other half and I are both fully vaccinated. We are starting to get back to some normality. We’ve been extremely careful over the last 16 months. But with over 50k cases daily now, it’s getting worrying again! 

Did you get the battery for your phone? Do you have any plans for the weekend? It’s going to be so hot  I cannot sleep in bed without a fan on all night! OH moans about that; says the fan is merely circulating hot air, but I don’t care, it cools me down. Hoping to find some time to start Agassi this weekend, I’ll keep you posted  

Take care Captain46,

Tizzy xx

Hi Captain,

Our conversations about gambling do the full circle, and always end up with me asking the question why. Why are most “normal” people able to have a “flutter” but we aren’t. What is it about us. A few gamblers I have spoken to are prepared to spend hundreds or thousands on gambling, yet would question thirty or forty quid on a new top or something? Like you captain I can walk away if I win. Today, again I had a little win. No issues walking out the door. Issues start when the losing starts. We cannot accept a loss, even a relatively small one. Why us is the million dollar question. 

Yes, 15 hours a day is a bloody long time. If we had to go out, I couldn’t wait to get back home and get that buzz flowing again. If I was losing I’d bring the iPad to bed and sometimes be playing until 2 in the morning. I wouldn’t log off until every single penny had gone. You talk about borrowing 5k and losing 4k, then convincing yourself having a thousand left was good. I think when we are in the midst of gambling season we could convince ourselves of anything, as long as we can play again tomorrow! There’s just no logic auto it. We’re not fools, but we know at the time what we are doing is foolish. I certainly did. And every time would be my last. I’d promise my OH, this will be the last £500 I borrow. At the time my intentions were good. When the money was gone, my mind went into overdrive trying to find ways to play again tomorrow. Anyway, enough of that….

I’m glad to hear 6 out of 10 today - I hope that continued until the end of the day. It is tough Captain. I completely understand how sometimes you so down. But, as the saying goes, there’s always someone worse off than you! 

My daughter works for a private pension company. She has to either respond to emails or telephone. She deals with some extremely sad cases. People wanting to claim their pensions because their partner has 6 months to live. A few weeks ago she had a young girl call, hoping to claim her dads pension to pay for his funeral. It turned out he’d already had the pot, nothing left. Very upsetting. We have to count the blessings we have ❤️ 

We watched another episode of The Adulterer tonight. I’m enjoying it. We’ve watched 7 now. But still not started Agassi. And I won’t be tomorrow. We have family coming over for a bbq at 1pm. 

Be good Captain ?

Tizzy xx

Hey, hey Captain,

How’s your day off going? Do you still get up early? I used to wake up around 9. But over the last few years it’s soon after 7, sometimes earlier. I rarely get up that early, only to pop down to feed Lulu and make a brew ?  then take it back to bed. I sometimes watch Jeremy Vine on channel5 debating the news and COVID etc. I potter looking at things on the internet. I usually then venture downstairs some time between 9 & 10. 

Well done on the 6k in this heat, it drains you doesn’t it? I’ve never run in my life, well, only at school. I always have admiration when I’m out and see people running. It’s good that you push yourself to do it, and I can imagine you feel really good afterwards.

Back to gambling; As I’ve sad on my diary, I’ve played land slots for over 40 years. For years I won. Not every time, but overall across the week. Then machines changed from percentage base to random. (Reminds me a little of you crossing over from your sports bet to random) Winning then would be pure luck. My strategy or knowledge had no impact on whether I’d win. My winning “overall” stopped. But, although I’d spend, it was still fun, a hobby, along with bingo and I wasn’t spending beyond my means. BUT, I was chasing. I didn’t spend everything though, and could walk away accepting a loss. It was playing online that really brought the compulsive gambler out in me. Initially I won over various sites and accounts. All my family had loads of accounts, even though they are not gamblers ?This is what really pulled me in. I’ve thought and thought about what could have happened to “turn” me. I just don’t know. I 10000000% agree with the statement, I cannot win because I cannot accept a loss. It has to be something in our genes as I’ve heard this a lot.

Bbq was good yesterday. I love having family over, but it’s very exhausting. We’ve got a 6ft padding pool which we got out for our Grandson, he loved it. There was only 9 (10 if you include my 2 yr old Grandson) of us, but it was a good laugh. I’m very close to my parents and brother. I just have one daughter, she’s 28 and a really good girl. My OH has 2 boys, so I’m stepmum to them. But they’ve all flown the nest, so things around here are pretty quiet. 

I hope you’re feeling ok today. 

Speak soon,

Tizzy xx

Good Afternoon Captain, 

Wasn’t it hot last night? I just couldn’t sleep. I went to bed around 9:45 last night, but after around 2am I just tossed and turned! So I was usually up at 7:30 walking Lulu. There was a lovely cool feel as I opened the front door, sadly that didn’t last for long. 

I looked up “Stone of Life” I’ve not heard of it before. I understand completely why it’s good to have one. And oh yes, definitely better positive anything opposed to negative nothing. I didn’t read too much about it, but I assume it helps one with the way they look at things, scenarios, regrets etc. We are have regrets, that’s part of life Captain eh?

Do you cook? I guess you must be pretty ok in that department, living on your own. What sort of food do you enjoy? We eat reasonably healthy, I would guess you do too? I love making cakes. I make a mean coffee cake! I don’t eat much cake, my OH makes up for me. I made banoffee pie for the bbq, everyone loved it!

When you popped into the bookies the other day, did you see anyone you knew? Did you have acquaintances in there when you were a regular? I don’t really have any friends as such. I have a handful acquaintances from bingo. My Mum and my Daughter are my best friends. 

I assumed you didn’t have offspring from things you’ve said previously. One of them being about the girlfriend that wanted you to move in together, but you stated it wouldn’t have worked. I think you said, correct me if I’m wrong, that firstly she’d learn about your financial situation, but also she wanted her Son to come and stay. You weren’t keen on that, to say the least. 
As I said previously, I only have one daughter. Her Dad was a lot older than me, 23 yrs to be exact ? He died a few years ago. We split when Dani was 5.

Would you like a girlfriend, or female company? I feel your financial situation is what’s holding you back? Or maybe you enjoy your own company. I can totally, totally get the tv programme dilemma. Maybe it’s our age ? but I love nothing more than cooking a nice dinner then having something good to watch on the tv. It’s a necessity! If I think of anything, I’ll definitely let you know. There are a couple of things that have just started on BBC1 & ITV. Baptiste is one, I watched a previous series of that - it was ok ish. DNA I think is on iplayer, it has subtitles, but the story was pretty good. We really enjoyed it.  The Bridge is another with subtitles, that was quite good. The Tunnel was good, but that was on Sky. You may find one of these appealing, short term.

I hope you’re having an ok day at work. I’m just about to listen to Jeremy Vine discussing peri menopause, something I have no doubt, you know little about ?

Tizzy xx

Morning Captain,

Another really hot one last night, I can’t stand it! Like you, I’m not sleeping well. But I don’t have to work. 

Regarding your stone of life, I can totally appreciate the statement “Do things in your own time and in your own way” We are all different, and certainly not one size fits all. We both can relate to each other and many others, but our journeys and paths all differ immensely. And as you say, you need to pick out the bits and pieces that will help you on your current path. 

I can’t believe you don’t cook! I had you down as a “Paul Hollywood” ?only joking! Cooking from scratch does involve a lot of prep, and a lot of mess, and of course a lot of time - which I sometimes have. 

I had to smile at your comments about if someone from work walked into the bookies whilst you were there you’d not hang around too long. I can imagine that scenario. I used to get people come up and talk to me, wanting to waste time passing the time of day whilst I was deeply “involved” in my fruit machine. I was never rude, but I didn’t appreciate it ?

I met quite a few guys online before I met my OH ? I used to use AOL chat rooms, they were free, I dint know whatever happened to them. I’ve never used a dating site, but I can imagine what a minefield they are. I’ve heard some very amusing stories. I think you’ll know when you’re ready to “put yourself back on the market” again. But it’s something you must do - Tizzy says!! 

We watched the first episode of the current series of Baptiste last night. I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised, it was better than I remember. Have you watched Homeland? That is one of our favourites. It’s American CIA and terrorism related, but it’s brilliant. But I’d be very surprised if you haven’t already seen it. 

I hope your day is going well. We are off to see my parents this afternoon.

Tizzy xx

Hi Captain & Tizzy

I've read both your threads and other posts with great interest.  I am a relative newbie to this site but have been a CG since 2009 with a short hiatus from 2012 to 2015 after coming clean to my wife for the first time.  I've still to come clean for the second time and I know she is going to be heartbroken but I know its only a matter of time before I'll have no choice.

Anyway I wasn't posting to blab on about me I just wanted to say thank you for your posts in both responding to each other and to other members.  They are both enjoyable with the occasional touch of sadness but always very supportive.  As I think we are of a similar age and from your posts enjoy similar things in terms of Sport (poor Roger!) and TV dramas I'll try to offer some suggestions on that front in future posts.

Thanks again

J

Hey Captain,

Sadly it’s gonna be another hot one! We had a brief thunderstorm earlier, but it didn’t clear the air. 

I also replied to Jumble. Couldn’t agree more with the advice you gave. What a bloody pickle to be in. 

Please do look up Homeland. It’s one of the best things I’ve watched on tv! And, if you get into it there are 8 series (I think) so something to really get your teeth into ?

Sadly no, I do not consider scrambled eggs as cooking. You’ll need to do better than that if you want to impress me ?

Night night Captain, sweet dreams, (said knowing you’re already tucked up)

Tizzy xx

Hi Captain, 

Things are good with me thank you. 

In response to the subject of not being able to accept a loss. For me personally I don’t feel my reasons are so in-depth as yours. I don’t believe I was arrogant enough to believe I could “walk on water” and never lose. I knew, and still know that when playing slots online there is a great possibility you will win. They pay out percentages of up to 96.7%!!!! We have to bear in mind your poison was very different to mine (when talking about your sports betting) You really did have a strategy. You’d base your strategic choice on performance, on odds, on favourites (possibly) and I can understand why you could feel the way you explained. I can understand you beating yourself up because YOU should have known better, you do it everyday. With regard to my online slots, I knew/know I could win. I’m no mathematician, and accept that anything that gives you 96.7% back out of 100% means you’re going to lose. But from a person that had played machines, online and off, believe me that’s d**n high percentages. Captain, for me I’d hazard a complete guess that if I deposited 100 times, at least 85 (this is a pure guess, but an honest one) of those times I’d be able to get ahead. Sometimes by hundreds, occasionally by thousands. If I could have accepted a loss I wouldn’t owe my OH over 22k! I hear that story time and time and time again. The gambler doubles, trebles or even multiplies their stake by 100, but the house will ALWAYS INEVITABLY get it back. It’s nothing more than a “borrow”. There must be so many of us that think we’ve found it. That golden ticket, that mechanism to win. There are professional gamblers out there, in many fields of gambling. But they are few and far between. There are millions of compulsive gamblers like us Captain, all with a story to tell. 

Had to smile about the Nescafé advert. 

At least it’s cooler tonight, hopefully we’ll both sleep better. 

Sweet dreams,

Tizzy xxx