Lost the plot...so back.

Stay strong, milkman. I hope you're OK and have now got those couple of months under your belt.

All the best,

SGN

Thanks for following-up on me, SGN. I check regularly what's happening but rarely post now. It's really touching that someone makes an effort.

I am currently receiving gamcare counselling. I am 5 sessions in. I think it is helping...still early days.

Money-wise, I am in trouble in general. IF I can survive til Xmas, I may get through it. But the books aren't balancing at present, and it's costing me a lot of sleep worrying about it.

Depressed overall, but have my head down and waiting for the chink of light that should, hopefully, appear soon.

Thanks for reading

Hi milkman

Good for you with the sessions, I got so much out of mine, it was the smack in the face that I needed. I hope that chink of light appears soon, and if it doesn't you will still be ok, debt can't kill you, depression and worry and anxiety can.

Take care of yourself everything else will eventually follow

Blondie x

update needed bud, let me know how things are going for you.

Hi Pat,

Update is as follows: had a brief insane gambling spree in March / April. Won shed loads followed by losing it all plus more. Abstained until July. Had a mini-blowout around the time of the birth of number three (or 'number last' as I'm calling her). Any old excuses will do, but stress plus alcohol plus being alone in the house for a few days did for me. Then, I realised that limping from crisis to crisis was getting me nowhere. I was keeping off for months at a time, then having a binge. I joined this site in 2011, as you did, and I was 'only' about 8k in debt then. Now it's nearer 20. And that includes months and months of repayments.

So I took the gamcare counselling. Since July 29th I have gambled 7 quid only in a bandit in a pub (and felt stupid for doing so; a non-alcohol fuelled moment of madness), so I guess, excluding that bobble, I'm about 10 weeks in. I am not in the groove at all at present. The counselling is helping; to be honest, a lot of is not about the gambling but about other areas of my life.It really helps to get it all off my chest, and also to have to 'account' to someone every week. (first Q - "Have you gambled this week?').

Just today I have clawed my bank account into credit, out of its overdraft limit. There's a loan and three Ccs to pay yet, but getting the bank a/c on an even keel is stage one. It's taken 10 weeks to recover from that last blow-out - recover meaning looking down a barrel 10 weeks ago to being seriously in debt but stable today. Each time it takes longer because there's only so many CC applications etc you can make, and only so many shifts of debt from one place to another you can do. I have no more avenues to get out of trouble now; so I am really gritting my teeth this time. Work is good at the moment, and I've made a lot of lifestyle sacrifices (which don't impact on the family). Booze, for example. And I'm REALLY savvy with the shopping now, my OH things I'm a nutter but I can feed the lot of us with decent food for a lot less than it cost a year ago. Not packet rubbish, but just taking the time time to compare prices locally, shops and supermarkets etc, bulk buying things when necessary, buying catering packs of stuff that keeps and is used often (rice for example)... etc etc

Even so, paying it all off in less than 2 years is impossible, and 3 years is more realistic.

Bondie, thanks for your support, as always. Yes, the counselling is good for me. Was hoping for a stricter Svengali-like person to dissect me and reprogramme me. Instead, got a young and pleasant woman who is gently probing and getting under my skin to find out what makes me tick. Either way, 10 weeks no gambling (and really no urges, except the bobble, which was at the beginning) is evidence that something's working.

Hi MM, great to hear from you, obviously understand when the OH makes such demands you must answer:-)

Similar story to you fron June, win 500 lose 1000, win 1000 lose 2000. Not had a real moment of clarity that brought me back, I am just sick to the back teeth of what this is doing to me, how my family are doing without while I waste a weeks wages during a lunch break. I have just had enough so I am back here to try again. As you said on here in 2011 we almost got a year, my debts are crazy in the region of 29k, would love to say I could shift them in 2 years but in reality it will be 3/4 years, but I know for sure in one year with no betting they would be significantly better than they are now.

I want to look forward to things again, plan things with my family, enjoy treats. Am sick of juggling numbers in my head to make sure things are covered when my wages magically disappear every month.

You have 10 weeks done ( am so happy for you) I have 2, really want to build on this and move forward.

Really want to look forward to having a great Christmas and be positive going into 2015.

I will aim to come on here every few days and update even if only to say I'm still around.

Chat soon,

Pat

Around 11 weeks now with no gambling.

Felt my first serious pang on friday; I checked all my accounts, Ccs, etc added it all up and realised I was 'only' 19k in debt. Not 20 as previously thought. Just sloppy adding up and rounding up to blame. Then, unbelievably, the monster reared its ugly head. "How about a quick go", it said, "you've effectively got a 1000 pound float." I quickly dismissed it, so was under temptation for probably 30 seconds, but the feeling was real, and under different circumstances (alcohol, argument with wife, another crisis etc) I may have succumbed. I'm certainly not clear yet.

Still having weekly counselling, which is going well. I seem to talk almost non stop, the counsellor just making observations now and then, but that's OK - I need to get it out. And there's 35 years to get out.

What is wrong with us? I would also look at that 1000 as an opportunity to bet as it is money I did not think I had. Why could we not see it as a chance to bring our wife away for a nice weekend, or treat our kids to some new things..... No to us it's a bank roll to "invest" and turn into 2000.

Well done for beating that temptation.

Delighted to hear the counselling is going well and working for you.

Keep strong

Pat

July 29th was the last time I gambled 'properly', so coming up 3 months now.

Try to shift the debts, but so hard; it's like using a bucket to empty a swimming pool. The heating's on now, I can already see a difference to the bills. Christmas is a-coming, and that's never cheap, despite our homemade cards and careful planning of presents to keep costs down.

The pang of temptation has arisen a couple of times - the last time about an hour ago when I passed a BillHill and saw the adverts in the window. I'm so weary of gambling at the moment, I couldn't bring myself to walk through the door of an 'establishment' at the moment.

Hi milkman,

Well done on nearly 3 months.

Turn those weary thoughts of gambling into positive thoughts of abstaining and maintaining, because you know you can't win because you can't stop.

Stay strong and keep moving forwards,

Best wishes,

Suzanne xx

hi bud, the temptation is never far away, it is how we react to the temptation that matters and for the last 3 months you have been doing all the right things. we both know there is no quick fix here, we will be a very long time shifting this debt and if emptying a swimming pool with a bucked is what we need to do than so be it.

lets not make the pool any bigger.

Over 3 months now, and doing all right. Finances are stable and the debt is reducing at around 500 a month - 18k to go, which means 3 years at least...too long,but not much I can do about it now. I am not tempted at the moment and consider that I am in a 'good place'; however, I know from experience that the lower the debt goes, the more I get the urge,esp when the end starts coming into sight. Still doing the counselling, which is useful - not so much about gambling, but lots about other areas of my life and my thought processes, which obviously shine a light on the type of person I am, why I gamble and what I can do about it.

Just dug this out - my 'New Members' Introduction from Oct 2011:

I've been meaning to come here for quite a while, I've read some of the diaries and other entries and I can see myself in all of them.

Tonight I spent 3K (which I don't have) on an online gambling site and I knew I'd have to do something. I'm teetering on the edge of a financial abyss, I've got a wonderful toddler and a baby on the way, life is generally good but I keep inflicting damage on myself. I need help and I hope I can get it through this site.

My wife is in bed wondering why I'm so long tonight, so I need to go, but I hope to start a diary tomorrow.

Please God, let it stop...let tomorrow be day 1.

Depressing that I didn't hold on to those thoughts. As the debts healed I slipped back into my old ways, several times.

It's now coming up 4 months since I gambled. The finances are stable but rubbish - 17k in debt. I am in quite a good place mentally. I want to make this work for the final time, permanantly.

Sums me up too

Wanted to post just to keep it up to date, but nothing to say really. Still clean. Still horribly in debt. Still mentally in a good place. I can't earn or save any more than I am doing without making the kids go wanting, so I just rumble on. Moments of madness for years of debt. What an idiot.