Matt's Recovery Diary

This is how I got to where I am now:

I have had an issue with gambling since around mid 2000s, it started with a mate who was keen on putting a few quid into fruit machines on a night out, which then extended to us meeting in a pub and having lunch and then having a session on the fruit machines, which ended up with me losing £20, I was so ashamed I told me Grandmother (who I was close to) about what I'd done, she was shocked and concerned and asked to make sure I didn't do it again. Which I didn't.

But when online gambling started that same friend introduced me to that and in the late 2000s I was then hooked playing blackjack online as well as other games, I started getting into debt. I think I got to a certain point and stopped, once I realised I had about 3k worth of debt I had to pay off. 

I then discovered cryptocurrencies early on 2012/13 and started learning and buying and mining crypto, and reached a point where I was very wealthy (that's if I had cashed out in 2017) but I didn't as I stupidly and greedily thought It would go higher. Well in the end a string of events caused me to lose everything, so I'd gone from being very rich to having nothing.

This is what started me back gambling again online in a big way, I went all out gambled thousands maxed out everything but somehow was able to reverse my losing stream and had a series of big wins and was able to clear all my debts and be in the green +£20k. And I promised myself that would be it. 

Well as we all know, hence why I'm here, the urge was too strong, I invested my money in crypto, gambled with it, and lost it all. 

I then started gambling again late in 2019, and got to a point where I'd got another credit card to transfer the debt too, and it was manageable and decided I needed help, real help so contacted gamcare, and was put in touch with a local organisation for a 1 to 1 meeting. 

The person who I met and talked to was excellent and he gave me very good advice, we had several sessions and both decided that I'd be OK. That was about 6 months ago. I had been doing fine, paying off debt, getting myself sorted, and then suddenly I felt the urge to gamble again and there was nothing I could do to stop myself, so I did some crypto gambling and then started pouring thousands into that from credit cards and my bank going negative. 

I decided now I'm massively in debt and out of control I need to stop so I reached out to gamcare once again for support, who were great as always. 

And I decided I need to start a diary so I can document things here. I have told my family before, not the last relapse, but this I'm going to have to come clean and ask someone to take care of my finances as I can't go on like this anymore. 

I really want a future, a house, a relationship and children and none of this will be possible unless I stop this destructive behavior. It's already taken at least 15 years of my life so far, and I can't let it continue. 

Thanks for reading

Matt