Moving forward

@chris-uk I am on gamstop but it doesn't work for this casino I used.

There have been no urges to gamble today. I have removed some triggers from my life that seemed to have contributed to resuming the cycle in the past. These promoted gambling and made me feel I was part of a community when I felt lonely. It is my responsibility to walk away. 

It is the end of day 6. Looking forward to clearing my overdraft which will happen in 2 weeks if I do not gamble. I was always able to stop before my debts got too bad. I would not borrow from others and always paid my bills on time. I know that may have changed if I continued the cycle. I will not let that happen.

I had a challenging morning yesterday. An event in my life triggered huge anxiety and I used the 'free' bonus available to distract myself. Felt harmless at the time, as it always does. It wasn't and I shouldn't have taken it. So on top of the anxiety I felt depressed for letting myself down.

I then deposited but I forced myself to withdraw before I lost anything. I found the strength to not continue.

Sure, I lost no funds, but Day 1 starts again because it is not just about money, it is about ending a self destructive cycle and regaining myself self respect.

Work in progress.

I will not gamble today.

Morning,

It's indeed work in progress so please don't beat yourself  up. Need to strengthen  those blocks huh, ...we simply cannot do it by ourselves  no matter how willing we are. 

Please consider  bank blocks. Big and embarrassing  step as I had to phone mine up but it saved my own a** from being whooped by Mr Gamble on many many occasions. Go for it! If you want better life without  this sort of stress in it - do whatever  you can to aid yourself. It will not affect the your banking  or credit score! 

And keep deleting those emails!

Even after so many years I still get them emails too, I keep deleting them. Unfortunately  some companies linked my details with one of the numbers provided and I now get texts to my work phone which is absolutely awful and I keep reporting it as spam. All I say, companies are ever so sly! They are...and they honestly make me sick too for hunting people down regardless word "NO".

Try any other  locking softwares on your devices too, there are plenty out there, most of them for free also.

All the best,

S xx

@sb28 I have bank blocks in place. There is particular casino which can evade all of these blocks which is one of my big regrets and mistakes. The casino advertised often in a community I was part of and I fell for it. My gambling was mostly in control until that point.

There is an option I can use on the website but it is doesn't work very well and I need to wait a few more days until I can try exclude on it again. I will keep trying.

The bonus wasn't through an email, it was part of a cashback incentive so I knew it was due. Most gambling emails end up in my junk folder thankfully. The casino industry is full of sharks.

I am feeling somewhat better today. Glad I managed to at least stop myself and withdraw.

After 4 days I failed again after a long sleepless night. I will need to find a way to lock myself out of my casino account. I lose all ability to make sound judgments when I am this tired while thinking about all of my past losses. I KNOW being awake at this time is a problem and I DID NOT take extra precautions tonight. WHY??

I know I need to accept pass losses are GONE and the casino does not owe me anything! 

I see the GP next week, time to seek advice on sleep and a review of my depression medication. I now getting through this is going to be a lot of work but I hope things will be even -slightly- easier if I sleep through the night. 

Back to day 1 in the morning. I must not give up and I must not hide. I am here to be honest with myself.

I have been sleeping through the nights better and temptations have been easier to manage. My bank overdraft will be cleared within a week if I continue my progress. It is always tempting to try 'speed up' the process by 'winning' a little back, but I'd keep chasing and lose either way. Gambling is a miserable trap.

Today I will not gamble.