I tried this about a year ago and it really helped me reflect on my emotions. At this moment in time, I am at rock bottom. I have spent thousands upon thousands of pounds on gambling and have absolutely nothing to show for it. Guilt. Regret. Humiliation. All of these emotions are at the forefront of my mind. The people close to me that I have let down. The dreams and ambitions that I am allowing to fall because of this idiotic addiction. I feel like a failure, but I MUST fight this. Day by day. I have lost track of the amount of times that I have told myself this, but TOMORROW IS THE FIRST DAY IN THE REST OF MY LIFE. I won't be able to do this alone though, so I'll need moral support. Any hints or tips. Please share experiences because right now, I really need the support. I can't deal with this alone.
Football betting. Month after month. The delusional belief that I will improve my finances. They just all wash away because I chase losses. Make myself believe that teams can't possibly lose. I am so angry with myself. It is going to take me months to repair the financial damage that I've created. I tell myself every month that I'll do it, but this time I'm going to prove to myself that I can. Day by day. Step by step. Tomorrow will be DAY ONE and I'm going to write a daily blog of how I'm suppressing the thoughts of addiction.
It is the same EVERY month, within days of getting paid, I have no money left and have to spend the next three and a half weeks waiting for pay day. Pay day arrives and because I owe that much money back to the bank, I turn to gambling to try and recoup this money. I lose all of my money within days and have the same vicious cycle again. I need to, I MUST and I WILL quit. Relationsips with friends are becoming affected and I can't allow it to continue. It really scares me that I won't recover from this addiction. I have become so depressed that I've had dark dark thoughts and it really frightens me. I'm really hurting people so close to me and I can't change my behaviour. I HAVE TO and I WILL. I must begin by regaining control of my life. Feeling depserately ashamed of myself at this moment in time.
Once I get it clear in my head that I will NEVER win, then I'll stop. I NEVER win because I never stop. I continue and continue and lose everything. I can't do this alone. I desperately need help.
Hello amac841
Welcome (back) to the forum and to the first day in the rest of your life.
Football betting.
Know it too well. Look at how much money the bookies spend to promote football betting - it's because it makes them a fortune.
Nearly half the Premier League teams are sponsored by gambling companies!
I've lived my life the same as you describe, month after month (124 to be precise) I would lose everything, vow to never gamble again, struggle through the month then just gamble as soon as I had more money. Completely out of control.
The bank closed my account because of the amount of money I owed.
My biggest single football bet was ВЈ600. I remember it well; I had lost a load of money on the racing that day, decided I'd win back SOME of my losses with a surefire football bet. They were 1/6. Easy money. Had £600 on them to win.
Well, they didn't even draw.
Lost 1-0 in what was rather a famous defeat the media still remind me of from time to time. Like I need reminding!
Self-exclusion, blocking software and handing over finances are all good barriers to put in place to help you stop and take stock of your situation without causing anymore financial hardship.
From there different things work for different people. Counselling, call GamCare, hypnosis, CBT, religion, GA and self-help books are some options.
Trying not to follow football would help massively. Appreciate that might not be something you are willing to do.
Do things differently this time or you will end up doing the same thing.
This forum is a great place to learn about how other people deal with their gambling addiction.
Stick at it.
You're not alone.
Look forward to following your progress.
Best wishes
Glint
Amac , thanks for sharing youre diary with us, its good to tell us CG how life is going and talk openly .
We cannot win ,becasue we cannot stop . that really says it all about us CG my friend. Once you realise how completely true that statement is then you can start to get well again. Becasue that is what this addiction is , a disease that needs defeated and overcome ... so we can be well again and normal ... like the vast majority of these people out there.
Main thing now is to try and forget about the loses and the what ifs , its all now in the past ...that money can never be got back ...but what you can do is make sure no more will be lost to it. Read the forums ,call the hotline, put blocks in place ... you will find lots of info and similiar stories here. The lost money is bad ,but the lost relationships are the worst, they truly are terrible ... the carnage my complusion has caused.
I am now in recovery and plan to stay that way , join me and others m8 and stay gamble free one day at a time .stay strong and [positive ,this disease feeds off negative thoughts and actions.... lets go foward my friend and enjoy a life free of gambling ! ... good luck on youre recovery ...
Thanks so much Glint. I really appreciate your support and comments. Thanks for helping me understand that I'm not alone and please keep commenting! I am pleased that I have somebody there who has been in this situation. It just happens month after month. I have a family member who looks after my debit card and I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for three weeks time when I'm paid again. I have plans financially, but obviously I need to prove to myself and others that I can fight this. I don't want to go down any professional help route just yet because I want this blog to be my recovery. I want to use this as my platform to success. I'm a season ticket holder and football has been an influential part of my life, so giving up is not an option, I just need to stop gambling on it - easier said than done!
Thanks too lostsoul. I am still feeling the guilt, but like you say it's about moving forward with life.
DAY ONE: I awoke at half 6 for my last training run before the Paris marathon next weekend. I have been training since November for this and have raised over £1,600 for Macmillan cancer care. I completed my ten mile run and have rested for the remainder of the day. Gambling and financial worry is still at the forefront of my mind, but I don't want it to detract from the feeling of success of running the marathon next weekend. A nice five day break in Paris and I have my Euros all sorted 🙂 That is what I should be looking forward to, rather than worrying about the bigger picture. I don't want the gambling to ruin what will be a fantastic experience. I know that if I can give up gambling for good, then I won't have any financial issues because I have a steady job and consistency. This idiotic addiction is ruining my life, I just need to have the control of my life to stop. Then I'll be able to pursue dreams and ambitions.
Understandable if you have a passion for football.
Good that you don't have your card. That should really help.
If you don't think you need professional help - that's fine. Some do, some don't. The option is always there.
Good on you amac841 for raising the money for Macmillan Cancer Support. Know they make a big difference to people's lives.
DAY TWO:
Thanks again Glint. Great to know that I have correspondence. I don't have my card, but I know the number, which doesn't help. I've only recently ordered a new card too 🙁 I don't think I need councillor support, but I know friends are losing patience with me because I keep saying that I'll change, but keep reverting to the gambling. I need to break away from the gambling completely and have new focuses in life. My job keeps me busy and that's a bonus, but I have a two week holiday coming up, so obviously that will be difficult. The lack of money for weeks and weeks really hurts. The hurt that I'm bringing on family is what hurts me most though.
I'm scared that this is going to ruin my experience in Paris next week.
In terms of today, I haven't done much, just trying to remain resolute. It is killing me and still really angering me that I've fell into the trap again, but as you've said glint, there is nothing that I can do now. Just need to try and look ahead to the road to recovery.
You don't have your card but know the number, you get paid again in a three weeks time, have two weeks holiday coming up and a brand new card is on its way.
This concerns me.
You're going to have a lot of time and money available.
This site is great, writing a blog style diary to overcome this addiction is a great idea. It will help yourself and others. You have my full support with what you are trying to do.
I want to see you succeed.
That's why I have to point out these potential pitfalls ahead.
With this addiction things can always get worse. It's progressive for most people. Every time you lose you will be gambling more next time, because the losses you're chasing will just get bigger.
It helps to swap chasing for changing. If you don't change then you will risk ending up doing the same things.
You can do this.
No doubt.
Just be careful.
It isn't easy.
DAY THREE:
Thank you Glint. I have no money to spend. In three weeks, I'll have money to spend, but intend to put some savings into a separate account. I am resolute and determined. Thanks again for your post.
It is still on my mind, but I am determined. I have the struggles of a marathon to succeed with first. I am strong minded, I've lost six stone in weight in seven years, I just need to apply this mental strength to this addiction. I got out for 3.5 miles this morning and have rested for the remainder of the day; back in work tomorrow until Friday, then to Paris for the weekend!
DAY FOUR:
Great to get back to work. Busy. Busy. Kept the thoughts of gambling at bay and worked hard on keeping my focus on the job. Day by day, I'm finding my past behaviour an embarrassment, but I know the weekend will come and the urges return. I just need to stick to the straight and narrow. Day by day and I can do this. Thanks again for your support.
DAY SIX:
Been mad busy in work and anticipation building for Paris. Over £2,000 raised for charity and ready for a few days of chilling out time. Can't wait!
Thanks for your support. I've been tempted to gamble in the past couple of days, especially as the weekend and football is back, but I've remained strong so far and resisted the temptations!
Well done again for raising money for such a good cause.
Have a great weekend in Paris.
Pace yourself!
How was the weekend?
Weekend was great thanks. Loved Paris.
I'm so scared. I don't think I'll ever kick this addiction. Ever. I come back and can't think of anything else. I'm never going to stop. Always slip back into those habits. So frightened.
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