My diary

Thanks Volcano

All the support is always appreciated - Focus and breath 🙂

1 week free, hoping today will be a more positive day

1 week

So far so good. The thought of slots has popped in to my head more than once today but haven't acted. Have paid a payday loan and closed the account indefinitely so that borrowing option is no longer an option. Now just to focus on credit card and overdraft. But trying not to focus on the debt to much, just trying to maintain a positive mental attitude.

In it together x

Day 8

Knackered today. And payday tmz. I'm generally ok on payday these days, it's early in the next month it tends to creep in now... Am planning to leave work, have some food and get some rest in front of the tv. Feeling very emotional and run down. Counselling tmz as well which I've been looking forward to since last week and now I feel anxious about it again. The debt is also making me anxious last couple of days and this also a trigger. But today I will not gamble. I will not play because I cannot stop. I will be still and content. Bath and early night - busy day tmz 🙂

day 9

Busy day and councilling. Another early night planned.

I wish you well on you're recovery . I hope you were ok with payday coming up.

Thanks lostsoul. So far so good. Just reduced Over draft by £100 so that's £100 less I owe! Just sitting here waiting for conciling now. Tired, emotional, full of triggers right now! But today I will not gamble because I cannot stop.

Well done Red, keep going and keep winning for real.

Suzanne xxx

Hope the councilling went well again. Day 10 - woop us 🙂

Day 10 indeed! 🙂

I've thought about it more than once and played demo last night as I was restless in bed but didn't deposit and am commited to giving it up for good. Councilling was good and OH is really supportive and so glad to have all of the support on here.

1 day at a time, not giving up cos I cannot stop. Busy wkend planned to keep me occupied and feeling like I've achieved! 🙂

Determind to be a happy person again

Rednow wrote:

Day 10 indeed! 🙂

I've thought about it more than once and played demo last night as I was restless in bed but didn't deposit and am commited to giving it up for good. Councilling was good and OH is really supportive and so glad to have all of the support on here.

1 day at a time, not giving up cos I cannot stop. Busy wkend planned to keep me occupied and feeling like I've achieved! 🙂

Determind to be a happy person again

Need to get away from those demos Rednow!!! , they will just be trigger ,and it will be day 1 again .Can you not try playing a game or something ? .I used to watch youtube vids of peeps playing roulette and slots ,crazy when i think now , sitting glued to phone for hrs watching someone else win/lose cash other side of country / world a year ago in the bookies or casino .... the things we do lol . Good luck and stray strong !

A

Hi lostsoul

I know. Even that made me feel guilty! I play all sorts of other app and card games but every now and then I just do it so I've done it and then hope the feeling will pass. But yes u are absolutely right they are a trigger and just lead to the thought of 'oh maybe just a tenner' famous last words!!

And determind to get past this and I need to ignore the urges and redirect my thinking. Am hoping the counciling will help with those unhealthy thoughts.

1 day at a time, I will not gamble because I cannot stop.

Day 11

Feeling good this morning. Good long rest last night and lots planned today 🙂 keep my idle hands busy!!

Crikey. Was feeling good first thing and am now in a terrible mood?! All I want to do is his under the covers and not see anyone but have work to do 🙁

Sorry for the moan but hoping writing it down will put a cap on it!