My diary

Day 62

Can remember thinking I would never get this far, but I have. Tomorrow will be 9 weeks 🙂 still a long way away from paying off the debt but everyday I am a lot closer than if I was still gambling. I could never win cos I could not stop. I will earn every penny and pay it off with hard work and preservearance!

Well done you! 🙂

Day 63 - 9 weeks.

Thanks chic, couldn't have done it without you x

Counselling has been good but maybe coming to an end soon. Feeling a little anxious about that but generally my anxiety has spiked a lot recently. It's like I've gone full circle but putting all of my energy in to dealing with it rather than trying to escape with gambling feels good.

Finances still unfortunately look like that if a gambler after all of the damage I did with my binging so checking in one day at a time to reinforce my hard work as a non gambler 🙂

Day 64

Mid week slump ugh. But no gambling. Not interested! Let's hope the feeling goes on indefinitely

The finances will get better. As long as they are not getting worse its a start and something to be proud of - we will get there together x

Day 65

Keep getting vey low ATM. Counselling today was good. Focus is on gratitude, (counting my blessings) and worry time.

Now tired and looking forward to Friday and getting to the magic number 66.

Day 67

Lovely day with OH today. Went out for a drive, looked at paint colours for decorating and now beginning a new series box set. No gambling = no stress x

Lovely to see you on 67 days, well done you.

Keep strong and keep going.

Suzanne xxx

Day 68

Thanks Suzanne, life feels very good gamble free 🙂

OH away till Tuesday so going to get on with some house work and possible get creative with some making for a friends little one. A lovely way to spend the day rather than gambling in the dark, fretting about money - win or lose!

It's not like I don't still think about gambling, it'll always be a thought as I relied on it for so long but now when I think about it, the negative implications are the overriding thoughts. The possibility of a win solving my problems is no longer a viable or even realistic thought!

Day 69

This time last year was one of the worst times ever. I gambled all of my wages in one night before I had even paid a single monthly bill as well as owing money to a family member. It all came out and it still makes me feel shameful. The whole thing was such a shameful time for me. I felt like I had let everyone down. It wasn't the last time either but I am so glad I am now a year later in a much better place. I can put it all down to myself for trying to make a come back and gambling again and actually owe it to my OH who stood by me even though I let him down worse than before. I never want to be that person again. Totally controlled by my own addiction.

Counselling has allowed me to be open and honest in a safe environment. I have read books to understand my addiction, been honest wherever possible to gain back trust and made a conciliatory effort everyday to understand my fears which has lessend my need to isolate myself.

I am so lucky. Still a long way to go but going in the right direction.

Day 70

10 weeks ago was the last time I gambled. I don't miss it. I am however still having to cope with my anxiety which seeks out 'comfort', currently in food and the occasional cigarette. It's better than the alternative 'treat' but now focusing on dealing with my general anxiety. Gym induction booked and resting today.

1 day at a time

Well done red 70 days of winning through hard work:)))

Suzanne xxx

Day 73

Missed a couple of days there and wish I could say it was because I was having fun leading a gamble free life.

I didn't gamble. I nearly did when OH started to in front of me tho after a night out. I just wanted to push the button, but he wouldn't let me "but you've done so well" he said.

He lost the money he put it in which wasn't massive but then went on to lose sugnificant winnings. I had removed myself from the situation by this point.

He said that was it and wouldn't gamble more. Came home next day to a sad face who admitted to returning and had now lost the rest of the money in his account. It was heart breaking to see my strong OH ruined by guilt and disappointment in himself. Bills are paid but it will be a VERY tight and I foresee a 'tense' month.

I don't know if he will gamble again. We've had words and I'm being supportive whilst also being cautious. Only time will tell.

It has definitely made me not want to gamble again. And I feel guilty because a small part of me feels glad it wasn't me.

Day 73 gf. One day at a time.

Hi Red, sorry to read about your OHs gambling, but you kept strong, well done you,

73 days is great going, you should be proud of yourself.

Keep strong.

Suzanne xxx

Day 76

Thank you Suzanne x

Still hear and still gf. Feeling irritable this wkend. Need to get the gym induction and Sorted and burn off some of this excess energy!