My diary

Proud of you x

Day 91

Feeling shattered already and it's only Tuesday! I can't believe I'm only 9 days away from 100 days......:D

counselling is over now which is a little scary to feel like I've lost that bit of support so I've started reading up about mindfulness (something I said I would never do! Lol) but hey if it works - thumbs up!!

work is supper stressful but I'm now going to focus on recognising my anxiety which is a result of my negative thoughts.

Here goes

Day 92

Having a naughty day. Have eaten loads and not planning on hitting the gym now as too tired! Going to rest up (sleep ASAP) and get back on track fri/sat after family day 🙂 one thing at a time, not beating myself up but reining it in when necessary.

Day 93

Got an urge today. It was a, 'you've had a hard day why not relax with......' thought?! I'm not really surprised, this is the first week without counselling and I know we're never really completely 'cured'. The gambling I can't stop Monster will always be a part of me, I guess I was just hoping it wouldn't just come up like that anymore. Anyway, the positive is, I haven't acted on it l. Not even going to play demo. The passed and I am past it.

Well done you 🙂 So close to 100 now - proud as ever xxx

Day 94

Getting a few urges again ATM and thinking I could regain some of the losses. Obviously I know this is a ridiculous thought and sanity quickly puts those thoughts in check! OH is proud of me and it feels so good to have no secrets. I have nothing to hide which is all I need to feel good.

Day 95

Not a great day today. Bored and just feeling a bit down in the dumps and ended up having an argument about money. Nothing serious, just a tiff but it's staying with me. Glad to be in bed early. Tomorrow is another day.

Day 96

Actually looking forward to getting back to work tmz. Mainly cos it's the last wk before my holiday!!! Roll on Friday!

Day 97

Can't stop eating!!!

Day 98

Should be feeling great so close to 100 days. But if it's not fighting off a little urge here and there it's the money/debt wracked up by this terrible 'habit' that I let get the better of me.

Why is it two compulsive gamblers can't have a conversation about money.,.? Sounds like the start of a sick, ironic joke. Was just looking at my bank account, proud not to have a single gambling transaction - enter OH, how much is left on that? I thought your overdraft was only....(no, I told u that ages ago) how much have u paid off that? That can't be right??? My turn to ask all of the above - lots of silence and mumbling. What a minefield!!

The worst thing I realise afterwards is I've totally lost my feeling of achievement. Sad face

Hi,

It is upsetting when you want to tell your OH something and they're just not interested. The reason you can't have a conversation about money is that it takes two and you can't be both person one and person two.

But at the end of the day, recovery isn't really about the money. It's about looking at what you get out of gambling and why you need it. Being gf is a solid start, it's no good throwing in the towel. But looking at it the other way, maybe you're ready to move on in your recovery, out of the 100 day safety net?

BW,

CW

Day 99

Thanks CW, you're right. I can't be both person one and two which reminds me that I can only be in control of my own behaviour and further more, my own recovery. Looking forward to after 100 days 🙂

Day 100!

I haven't gambled for 100 days!!! XD feels amazing! Thanks to each and everyone one of you have have posted and shared your journey with me x

Good for you!

Rednow wrote:

Day 100!

I haven't gambled for 100 days!!! XD feels amazing! Thanks to each and everyone one of you have have posted and shared your journey with me x

Something to be proud of for sure! To the next 100.