My diary

Hi Casey

I’ve there waiting for payday not even checking the money had gone in just trying to deposit till it was accepted. Even if you had won. You wouldn’t of stopped you of just carried on as a compulsive gambler you can’t win because can’t stop.

Well done on the 6 days I imagine that’s probably more down to lack of funds with you saying you thought of borrowing a tenner to try and win it back. A tenner would never do it for you you’ve gone past that point. Smart move in getting Gamstop blocks are essential to buy that time put as many in place as you can.

With the rent and the bills as hard as it seems you need to talk to them and set a plan that you can stick to, you don’t say if you’ve told you partner or family about why you’re borrowing money from them. Again as hard as it is you cant do this alone you need support I’d also recommend calling Gamcare if you haven’t arrange some counselling and look for a GA meeting.

Also keep reading and posting on here.

KTF

Hi Casey, well done on those days - I'm in a similar position to yourself, and am really worried about this month. Not at all sure what I can do, but I'm determined to stay GF and so am focusing on that!

Thanks for your reply KTF,

I rang o2 for my phone today and I also rang gas electric and water to explain that I don’t have the money (they all bounced this month) They were all really helpful and have said that I can pay them all soon. Gas electric and water are just adding a little bit each month to my payments. I can’t tell any of my friends or family at the moment as there is a lot going on. I will soon (if I’m brave enough) it’s all been stupid excuses. I’m really happy Gamstop is in place to help me. I think the reality is just setting in but I feel a bit better this evening

CJ x

Hi lil,

It’s rubbish at the mo sorting this money situation out. I’m not sure how I’m going to sort it but all I keep thinking is I would be allot worse off if I was still gambeling.

Hopefully as long as we are going in the right direction we will get there 🙂

Day 7! 7 whole days, one whole week! What a week. Highs and lows.

I am feeling more positive today, had a very busy day at work to keep me occupied. Still worrying about money, it comes in waves throughout the day. I will be doing something and then it will hit me like a slap round the face. I owe so much money. I have lied and borrowed from so many people.. but right now I need to focus on the positives that I have reached 7 whole days without gambeling.

Cj

Hi, I’ve just put a very similar post on my diary! I know exactly what you mean about the sudden influx of anxiety or doubt. But... We should be very proud of ourselves and focus on the positive. Well done!

Caseyjay wrote:

Day 7! 7 whole days, one whole week! What a week. Highs and lows.

I am feeling more positive today, had a very busy day at work to keep me occupied. Still worrying about money, it comes in waves throughout the day. I will be doing something and then it will hit me like a slap round the face. I owe so much money. I have lied and borrowed from so many people.. but right now I need to focus on the positives that I have reached 7 whole days without gambeling.

Cj

Yes lil,

It comes and goes through out the day a bit of a reality check. Like you I’m still panicking about the rest Of month money wise.

We can keep each other motivated and pick each other up on down days. It’s hard but we have made it to day 7. Well done!

Day 8, I can’t get the money together that I need this month but I am feeling ok about things. I can’t believe the person I become through gambling it’s horrible. Not long ago my life revolved around the slot games online. I was irritable, miserable and delusional thinking this spin would be it. I don’t even know what I wanted to win. What would be enough?? I’m glad I will never know as I do not want to be that person again. I do not want to feel the anger, sickness and humiliation I felt every time I lost all my wages. Thinking about how I felt at that point is a reminder (and the ridiculous amount of debt) of how evil gambling can be. I have up and down days but will stay strong and not become that person again.

We got this!

Day 9 GF 🙂

Hey thanks for your post on my diary - I too have signed up to Gamstop - I feel this is an additional block to help me quit the online slots . Wishing you well on your journey and well done on the 9 days. It takes a lot to quit and things can only get better financially and your mental state will steadily improve. I’m talking from experience ... I hope we can tread the gamble free path together for a long time yet ! Keep it up x

Hey Casey, well done on 9 days GF!

Thanks lil and well done to you on doing so well. I have had a crazy few days. I literally have no money it’s crazy. I am so glad I have got this far with out gambling but I couldn’t even if I wanted to so feel the power is taken from me. I mean I’m still so happy that I haven’t done it but actually it’s not me stopping myself it’s the fact I have no money and can’t access them. I would like to think that even if I could then I wouldn’t. I wonder how I will feel when I actually have money in my bank. Hopefully I will just be happy that I have some

hi casey, gamstop is the safety net that will stop you when you have money and then after a while gambling will rarely ever cross your mind. You just keep the focus for when it does. I spent thousands at the start of 2018, did 128 days relapsed for 1 day and have now done another 101. I still think about the online slots , i even at the beginning played the free ones where youre not playing for money but you dont even win on those either !!!

Hi Casey...well done on coming here....realising you have a problem is a mile stone....and those days gamble free are another one. ....both to be proud of. ....I hear what you're saying about not being able to hit the slots because you have zero cash.....that's why blocks....as many of them as you can create are so important.....so that when money hits you're account....you can't fall back into automatic destruction mode without even realising what you're doing....
No blocks are totally fool proof....but at the very least it gives obstacles that take some time to get around.....if you can just get past next payday without giving in to you're addiction ....so you can see money in you're account....so you can pay a little towards debts.....it all seems to be that little bit clearer....
Debts will have to be paid....that's life....but offer the least possible...agree sensible amounts...you have to live....and it's no good leaving yourself with nothing.....that in its self is a spark that can make you think I can win some money.....and then the whole circle starts again....
Like a roundabout....you feel you're going round and round...can't stop it....cant get off.....you've slowed you're rounabout right down already....just by not playing for nine days.....keep slowing it down love.....when that payday comes....don't start pushing that rounabout again. ....withdraw the money...do whatever you got to do to not let it suck you back on...
Treat yourself to something...we're all guilty of not bothering with ourselves when are addiction has us chained to a slot machine......very slowly you'll get there....it just takes time....and hard work....
Keep plodding on love...x