My recovery diary

Just been thinking tonight a lot about the journey, i think knowing the grand national was on has triggered it..although it wasnt talked about much this year which made it a lot easier.

My problem gambling was mainly via casino sites but i grew up watching the grand national every year and did place a bet every year except this year. 

In doing fairly well paying off my gambling debts ive been on a debt management plan for a couple of years although i relapsed 6 months ago the damage wasnt as bad due to not being able to get credit. The mistake i made was also after 6 months of gamstop not extending it or taking the 5 year option.

Although the gambling harm drove me to a very dark place as well as leaving me in debt..i get anxious at the thought of not being able to gamble long term i still cant face getting a 5 year block! I extended it last time to a year instead of 6 months so that will get me untill october again but the thought of never gambling again feels hard to think about..im suppose thats the addiction part missing it. 

Luckily ive got a treatment start date in may with the gambling clinic hopefully they will be able to help me with these thoughts. To help stop urges to prevent a further relapse. I dont want to go through the emotional turmoil of a relapse..im glad the gambling clinic are willing to offer me treatment.

Its scary to think where would have been without finding gamcare,gamstop and stepchange

Lou x

Logged onto social media got myself upset seeing everyone making plans for spring/ summer excited to meet each other..

I feel lonely and coming out of lockdowns making me actually feel more social isolated ..

I feel so alone..isolated..hurting. not letting it make me turn back to gambling but its hard

Lou x

Hi Lou,

Your last couple of posts struck a chord with me, particularly as I know you mentioned your feelings in chat last night regarding the Grand National. With lockdown ending, I'm feeling the same as I suffer social anxiety, so can fully appreciate how it feels for you.

Keep posting, keep talking to us, we can all get through this. Well done though for extending your Gamstop for another year, that's another good block in place 🙂

Best wishes

S x

Hi Lou and hope you are feeling a little better as we approach the end of the week; it's getting warmer, the sun is shining and gradually we are all a little freer.  I know you have trepidation and are anxious as we start to open our front doors, mooch around and start to mix.  Just remember, though, how well you are thought of at work; and you *are* Lou.  So I hope that gives you a little inner confidence.  And ... you are quite a character with a sense of humour. Full marks from me for that Lou! 

Have a relaxing weekend ahead Lou 🙂  

Hey Lou,

So sorry you're dealing with a toxic narc at work. I find they tend to gravitate toward vulnerable people/health/social services fields.

I hope it was some comfort to you, that I get it. Gaslighting feels awful and is terrible behaviour.

Thankyou all very much for your kind and supportive posts. I appreciate you popping by. 

For now im going to take a break in posting on the forum,i am finding it disheartening as i have been on moderation for a long time despite recently only wanting to discuss my journey as well as supporting and advising others and being mindful of what i say

Lou x  

Thanks for your post, Lou. Feels like you can relate and understand why I was feeling so upset and that really helps.

I want to complain to my local Care Commissioning Group because that seems to be the route where you get someone to properly look at it, as opposed to finding out who his manager is and complaining to them - as he will probably manipulate the situation and make excuses and nothing will really be done. 

I looked up how much CPNs earn, today. For £35k a year, I expect much better than this.

I did post earlier but its not showing just want to thank everyone thats come to my diary and given advice/ support. I appreciate it.

Also freda thats great your taking action sometimes you ahve to take it further so it can be taken more seriously. 

Wish you the best 

Lou x

lou you are so right and iv never even thought about it like that uno ? thats a terrifying thought im so grateful for it and this country for giving a s**t i apreciate your message on my page iv just been reading this one but i havnt found the one where u started ? uv done excellent lou and come so far i hope to be on the same tracks soon x

Trying to keep calm and not get upset this evening, but another day gamble free so that means another day to being debt free. I put up a post in the overcoming gambling recovery section the other day im hoping that will help some new users 

Lou x

Hi Lou. Just wanted to check you were ok after chat room last night. I wanted to reiterate how amazing I think you are. The support that you show others and the encouragement you give is astounding. You are a wonderful person 

Thankyou for checking in Debsy,  and thankyou that means a lot xX

Lou x

Hi Lou,   just wanted you to take a minute to sit back maybe read youre diary, look at you day count and see that by each day wanting to become debt free this year, taking each day at a time, not breaking when at breaking point, you've come this far.  

It's no small step, its a huge one.

If you keep going on the same path, doing exactly what youve been doing.  We can have a toast on new years eve on here on chat to a hugely successful 2021? what u say xxxx

Hi Lou, sorry I haven't been on chat yesterday and today. Just checking in on you, hoping you're all good 🙂

Hope to hear from you soon!

S x

Hi Lou, hope you're having a better day today 🙂