Day 65 - 17/7/16
I know - good reality check been feeling much of the same recently. Not feeling great again and had some destructive thoughts lately. I will not give in though
Excellent news, to see you've made it past the 2 month mark.
Keep strong and keep looking after yourself, at the moment you still need to concentrate on you.
Was so close to depositing really annoyed with OH and thought sod it I may as well join him. Logged into an unblocked account was going to keep it open but that's too much temptation so have self excluded again
& if you had of done that would have been a lousy excuse so well done you for coming to your senses but I have to ask the question, why is there no blocking software on your devices? If you are serious about your recovery, you would not be able to even log into such sites!
Gambling in front of you? The man needs his head testing & you have to get help for you because he is completely mugging you off! I know I'm like a broken old record but willpower is only good to a point! I grew up in a household with addicts & a wiser man than me once said when I wondered why I had made the same lousy decisions as my mother, "how did I not"...I still think I should have made all the right decisions (never been drunk, nor smoked anything except cooking) but we learn our behaviours & it's not just you now!
Seriously wants2, please accept some outside help from somewhere, you want this but it's not going to come to you & it feels to me that you're like an alky living next to a pub @ the moment?
Don't ever stop fighting, for you & for your beautiful girl - ODAAT
Day 66 - 18/7/16
Thanks ODAAT some sound advice. Its a hard situation.
It is a hard situation Hun. SO hard. I used my OH as an excuse for my recent destructive behaviour. We need to be the bigger people and the only way I can think to approach it from here on in is setting an example and just being really honest about how unfair it is/how it makes us feel to have to witness/be around gambling. We're not being weak, we're trying to do something about it! Sending you lots of strong, confident thoughts 🙂 xx
Day 70 - 22/7/16
10 whole weeks! woop. A mixed lot of days make up those weeks but i made it. Glad to see you Red x
Day 71 -23/7/16
Fed up!
Remember those 10 weeks!! Nearly 3 months!! 🙂 x
Day 73 - 25/7/16
Still here and keeping strong just feellike c**P
Not trying to make you feel worse but would you consider re-reading your whole diary? The suggestion is that the same old is getting the same old results - a continuing struggle for you. Doing things differently would get a different outcome.
CW
Day 75 - 27/7/16
Thanks for the advice CW. Not getting a lot of time to do much but may get around to it at some point x Still strong no recent urges feel good in this area just lots of other problems to deal with too
Day 77 - 29/7/16
Was so close to gambling
Don't give up now, you've come so far. Already over 2.5 months, soon to be 3 months.
As CW indicates, it can seem like, you are simply, not achieving anything, because it's becoming more normal, not to gamble. But you most certainly are achieving something and something great.
Every day you gamble, is a day you are getting your life back and you will eventually get to the point, where you will have a clear enough head, to see other things around you and decide, you want to do something about that as well.
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