My Diary - Day by Day

Day 29 - 4/2/17

Would have been easy to gamble tonight. OH is out and i have money in the bank. Didn't tho. Getting a bit addicted to online shopping at the mo but as least I get something for my money. Feeling good that I didn't give in

Good work!! 🙂 xx

Day 31 - 6/2/17

This is going to be a hard week. OH on nights and feeling very tempted. Hence why I popped on here. Silly thoughts. Just have a little go it won't matter etc. But it will as I can't control myself

That's right babe! We know the logical answer and need to stay focused on this. OH gambled the other night and it was so tempting to give in but I removed myself from the situation and also having just a cash card that I pay in to from current account but don't physically have a card for ensured I am still GF!! No excuses, we are so much happier without it.

We've both come further than we've done in ages! 2017 one day at a time!! 🙂 xx

Day 33 - 8/2/17

Your right Hun. It's hard when u see the OH do it. Even if u are mad at them seeing it increases the urges. Still gf. Although been overspending online shopping lately to over compensate. Nearly done the week of nights now. Keeping busy. Although I'm always busy anyway. Keeping busy with hobbies. Reading. Just had an audible book with the free trial. Started to learn to cook/bake. Also need to restart my courses I paid for as they expire soon ish. Gambling takes up so much time. Effort. Emotion. OH keeps saying he is fed up and wants to give up but so far he's gambled every week this year and obviously before. He told me he's cancelled all the sites. Let's see. It's payday tomoro. I have let him off the 3 grand he owes me (credit cards) but he borrowed £100 the other day and I want/need it back. Trying to arrange nice days etc things to look forward to. Hopefully help my depression. Also really need to lose weight. That gets me down too. I'm hoping by keeping happier I can stay gf as it's a crutch I use when stressed depressed etc. Sort of an escape.

Day 34 - 9/2/17

Keeping occupied watching a film rather than wasting my time and money gambling. The OH did gamble today but only £50 as far as I know. Has been a tempting week but proud to say I have resisted. Diet starts tomorrow too!

Good for you babe, so proud of you!! 🙂 x

Keep up those treats and making yourself number 1. £50 or £1000 you didn't gamble and what he does is not in your control so try not waste energy on worrying. Neither of us ever got anywhere good doing that!! In it together 1 day at a time x

Day 39 - 14/2/17

OH kept on gambling don't know how much he lost but he's got no money left. I kept gamble free. Keeping busy and trying to give myself me time instead. Listening to audible book. Reading. Learning to bake etc

Happy Valentine's Day lovely people

Yay! Happy Valentine's Day chick 🙂 so glad to see you're still gamble free and even with OH still gambling. At least you have a dialogue now and if he says he wants to quit and you are clearly not taking part hopefully he will eventually make that change on his own. keep focusing on yourself and don't bail him out anymore. You are treating yourself as a reward because YOU HAVEN'T GAMBLED! We both deserve to feel well and happy. No self destruct 2017!! 🙂 xx

Hi ya,

Hope your having a lovely evening. You seem like such a lovely fun person, your diary is so open. I just wanted to say that I really feel for you. I have done 39 days today, and it is with a lot of will power that has took me there..It must be so hard for you, watching your other half gambling money and you not gambling. I take my hat off to you, I could not do it...I hope that he finds the peace he is looking for. Don't take on all the pressure of the bills though, the worry and stress of trying to pay them. Am not trying to judge or lecture, we all have our own situations. But if he was living on his own, he wouldn't be able to gamble the bill money, he wouldn't have a place to live in or bills to pay...Make sure he is sharing the load with you. You have made so many positive changes, be proud of you.

Julie x

Day 40 - 15/2/17

Thanks both. Keeping positive. It's so hard to watch him gamble and stay gf. Although he loses and I get annoyed having it in your face still makes you tempted. Feeling good though x

Day 41 - 16/2/17

OH still gambling daily. I'm still staying strong

Just browsed through some of my old posts wanted to see how far I came the first time and take note of what I wrote and how I feel when I gave in and gambled. PB is 337 days. So close to a year. I read the post afterwards and felt so guilty for doing it. I don't want to feel like that again

I did promise I wouldn't harass you anymore but what does that clown have to do for you to say enough? You have a precious baby that needs you to show her the right way in life. Putting up with someone who treats you worse than a nobody is a shocking example...Don't you think you deserve someone who loves you enough to get help? Who loves your baby like you do?

Do something different wants2 before she starts noticing!

Hey chick. Happy friday 🙂

So you saw how much my shameful head burrying cost me in a year! Eek. I'm not shocked any more tho. just decided to stop punishing myself and stopping thoughts of dispair when OH gambles. He's a grown up, I am not responsible for him. Of course I worry, but thats the price we pay for loving someone. Plus i suspect like me worrying is kind of a hobby ! Lol.

Also, so funny you looked back at your diary cos I did the same the other day. Looked at yours I mean. You were so single minded and self motivated, SELF being the key word. You made the decision and made it for you and Paige. You are still that person, just a little down sometimes for understandable reasons. Be good to yourself this weekend xxx