My recovery diary (JENILEE)

I plan to do this blocking of using the debit card from the gca (casino) ATMs TOMORROW

WTG to,actually start winning your life back :).

Xx

Trying to 🙂

Will post update tomorrow

Regarding the blocking of the debit card I talked abouPrinted off the form at work where I have a printer filled it out and verify the information is correct about my checking account and debit card. When I walked back in from my break going to use the fax at work to fax it in. Then the minute they get the fax and enter your information your checking account to write checks in your ATM debit card is blocked from ATM withdrawal so it's strictly limits a lot of the losses. It doesn't mean I could never find my way out to a casino because I tend to find a way no matter what and I hope I don't but if I do once any cash I have on me is gone or any free play or whatever I will physically be on able to withdraw more from the ATM write a check and the casinos are usually about a half an hour minimum from my house and a little ways from my bank branch plus bank branches are closed on the weekends when I do most of my gambling so that should help a lot.

Well,done jenilee,

That was hard to do, but you have done that now, yes you are very right, if we really want to gamble we would find a way, ( or maybe I should say the addiction would) I know that it has taken a lot from you to do this, as you thought you could control it, but we can't control this addiction, but we can choose to say NO, and when we get to that stage where we don't win because we don't stop, it is time to say no, you have done that first step, be proud Hun,

Suzanne xxx

I am proud I remembered about this program I done it a while ago on an old debit card I have a number on this one. I know this probably won't stop me from gambling all together as I go right into the casinos even when I'm self excluded and they let me and they don't care but this makes it physically impossible to use this which is currently my only debit credit card to withdraw any more money than what I already brought with me or to get into my funds in my account like I'm payday. So it's still a big step

Hi Jenilee, thanks for dropping by 🙂

I have been watching your diary with bated breath & this is honestly the 1st time that I can say I believe in you! I maintain that you have proven that you cannot control it & you need to give it up but I get that blocking your card is a huge step for you...A massive well done 🙂

I know that you are besotted with your fiancГ© but I really wonder if this is a healthy relationship for either of you...Relationships can be difficult sometimes but you work so hard for what seems like very little reward 🙁 Go easy on yourself, if you have a fight, step back & really be sure that it was your fault before you start apologising! You can't make someone love you but you can learn how to love yourself & that is very difficult to do when your attention is so focused somewhere else!

Be proud of all of the battles you win with the demons & be kind to you - ODAAT

Wow thank you for the response. I think that my fiancГ© and I love you to the very much we've made it through some unhealthy patterns and we are learning together as we go. I honestly don't think if we had made some strides in some skills we learned from a counselor where we are starting to slowly learn how to do better that we would've had a chance. But based on recent improvements I do think that we are both willing to fight for love and keep fighting and do whatever it takes to learn healthier patterns, and that we both love each other with all that we've made it through. However I get that if we don't keep going in the direction to make things better and better staying in unhealthy pattern forever would not be good. Luckily both of us say we don't want to stay stuck in the unhealthy pattern at times I try harder at times he tries harder but we are both still trying to both committed 100% at this point. But I will admit we've had some unhealthy patterns. The distance is hard it's not supposed to be forever only for the next two years. As for the gambling it was a huge step to block my card it's like trying to protect myself from my devious self LOL. I will continue posting I like to remain active on here posting most days of the week and not go away for such a long time again. Appreciate all the support.

I hear you girl & as long as he is worth fighting for, I know you definately have it in you 🙂 & as for our devious selves, don't they just need a good kick up the b*m sometimes 😉

They do need to kick up the books. I've be in one addiction alcohol and determined to beat this one. And Harold and I that's my fiancГ©'s name I've had many many good memories and some bad ones brought on by emotional immaturity and handling things wrong. After 10 years we're both and love me to the point where I still get butterflies when I see him when he kisses me after nearly 10 years and him to the point where he just plotted and planned to propose to me only five short months ago after being together 10 years. So that's got to say something right? He is worth it with his new self that is trying to change. Some days we do better with the changing than others but they're definitely been some positive strides in the last 10 to 12 months I was actually on the brink of leaving before the last 1012 months and then things really start to turn a corner. The change is not linear continuous process it is in fits and starts. Don't worry the changes for the better in the relationship of show more progress than my attempts to change my gambling LOL.

I signed up for gambling counseling with a gambling trying counselor first appointment is Monday not sure how often appointments will be

That sounds like fighting to me 🙂 Good on you girl! Don't worry about how often they are, that will all work itself out!

You just keep concentrating on the todays - ODAAT

Certainly have been spiraling out of control lately and I'm definitely needing to try some additional measures, thus the blocking of the debit card from working at casino ATMs, and thus the setting up gambling counseling. I hope that these things have a positive effect but I'm certain that they will be better than doing nothing.!

I've also set up separate counseling sessions to deal with how to best deal with problems in my relationship this counseling sessions will just be for me not for both me and him but they also help me to deal when we are arguing or there is a problem and how to respond to get the response I want instead of feeding into the pattern of arguing or something. Happy report things are better with him as of right now he was much willing to get along And was very nice and sweet and his phone call to me last night. Which is good. We've had a rough time with some bickering lately with a lot of stresses. But I still will be doing the counseling on the relationship thing even though things are better at the moment.